


Somewhere Over the Rainbow

by Kisafander



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Children, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Alternate Universe - Ordinary People, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Blood, Blood and Injury, Disability, Disabled Character, Hypothermia, I don't have everything pat down but I will tag what I know if it's going to happen, I'll be progressively tagging some adult elements as i go along, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Multi, Physical Disability, Sexual Abuse, Sympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders, Sympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, no remrom - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:08:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 51,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26750005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kisafander/pseuds/Kisafander
Summary: Patton encounters a stranger outside of his door he never expected to find. Little does he know that this one person found on his doorstep will forever change both him and his friend's lives in a single snow filled night.Animosities flare and personalities clash, but none of them can resist those big, round puppy dog like eyes. And truth be told, none of them really want to.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Dark Creativity | Remus/Deceit/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Eventual DLAMPR, Thomas Sanders (Video Blogging RPF) & Everyone
Comments: 17
Kudos: 45
Collections: TSS Fanworks Collective





	1. Snow Filled Memories

Patton gazed out the window at the few flakes of snow outside the window as they lazily drifted down to the ground in the fading twilight. He smiled at the sight. Fiddling absently with the sleeves of his fuzzy sweater, he leaned on his right crutch a little. Patton’s brow creased as his left foot started to ache a bit. He shifted his weight slightly more on his right to compensate. The relief wouldn’t last though.

_It’s officially winter now, I suppose. OH! I’ll be busting out my Christmas sweater soon, then!_

Patton’s smile spread wider as he turned away from the window, looking around the kitchen he was in.

The kitchen wasn’t too small, but even with plenty of space it was piled with many different containers of various ingredient types, and most of them looked suspiciously like items for making cookies.Speaking of cookies, there were quite a number of unlabeled Tupperware containers that were quite obviously filled with cookies. So. Many. Cookies. There were even multiple circular containers that had the very obvious design of a very familiar very chubby, bearded man dressed in red with a half eaten cookie in his hand. 

It was _totally not_ Santa, no siree, just a random cartoon of a guy that looked _exactly_ like Santa...

Okay, maybe Patton had already started to get into the holiday spirit, and _okay,_ maybe he was bored being alone without his friends and baked all of these cookies just today and _okay!_ Maybe-

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

Patton sighed, adjusting his crutches as he hobbled over to the stove with the grace of a newborn cygnet in a thunderstorm, where yet another batch of cookies shined back at him in the glow from the oven light.

OKAY! _Maybe_ he was still baking _yet_ another batch of cookies. Sue him! He just loved cookies… a lot. 

Patton propped one of his crutches on the kitchen counter off to the side, leaning on his left crutch to open the stove. He flinched back, despite being prepared for what was going to happen as a wave of almost blistering heat poured from the gaping maw of the oven, hitting him in the face full blast. 

Patton didn’t go to reach for the oven mitts in the drawer beside the oven, instead first inching his face into the heat to see if the cookies looked like they were done. 

Patton studied the cookies, face fading from a smile to an intense and serious half-frown of concentration as Patton sought to complete his task, searching the tray for any of the cookies that looked still the slightest bit wet or soggy. Finally, he spotted one. The cookie had a very obvious spot that looked distinctly soggy and a few of the other cookies around it looked only very slightly soggy. But that was enough, Patton decided to let them bake a little more. Nodding to himself, Patton brought his head back out of the endless waves of heat, snapping the oven door shut with a light _snap_.

Only waiting a moment, the heat from the oven cut off from threatening to melt Patton’s face off he leaned too far forwards, Patton added five minutes to the oven timer. The beeping of the buttons that went off as he input the time into the oven filled the silence around Patton. They were only sounds in the silent kitchen other than Patton’s soft breathing, and yet they were like an avalanche of sound.

Patton pressed start, a last beep emitting from the oven before the kitchen was plunged again into silence. Really, that only heightened the wintery atmosphere; the silence reflected the silent snowfall around Patton’s home. The kind of silence that led people to shout: “Wait, it snowed last night! How did I not notice?”

Patton paused, glancing out the window, considering going back to watching the silent snow fall down outside before the thought of the cold outside brought his eyes to rest on the corner of a box on the kitchen counter under some of the items. His lips tugged up in yet another smile.

_Oh, perfect! I might just have some of the cookies I’ve made today with this!_

Patton grabbed his right crutch that he had set aside for his oven duties, utilizing it to take the few steps to where most of the items were piled on the counter. He hadn’t had the energy to put them up as of yet, but he knew his two partners would help him do that when they got back. They were such good partners like that. Patton was a lucky guy.

A goofy grin spread onto Patton’s face at the thought of his friends. Roman’s little laugh that he always did instead of his full laugh because he automatically tried to suppress anything that would make him use his inhaler, laughing included. Patton hated that he was deprived of such a melodious sound, but his little breathy laughs were (almost) just as endearing. Janus was similarly quiet, but his laughs were fuller much more often when Patton told a particularly good dad joke. Remus was the one that he wasn’t the most keen on, unhinged cackling at the practical jokes he pulled on Patton or his… partners? He had never seen Remus play any jokes on his partners, so Patton had no idea what he sounded like then. Logan’s little giggle when his little buddy Crofters did something absolutely adorable when he was able to play, and finally Virgil's full belly laugh that only happened when Patton or anyone caught him off guard with a particularly funny joke, like Janus, but Virgil _howled_. He loved all of their laughter and couldn’t wait to hear it again.

Granted, he could’ve asked Remus to come over as he was the only one in his trio that was still at home, maybe to help get him to stop baking another batch of cookies.

But right now, he was getting _that box_.

Patton didn’t set his other crutch aside this time, able to stretch out his hands (within his limits, he still had crutches under his armpits to deal with, mind you) to shift aside all of the various food items laid on top of what Patton needed to get.

Having pushed everything finally out of the way, Patton proudly produced a box of hot chocolate packets of various flavors triumphantly. His chest puffed out as he completed the action. The corner of Patton’s lip twitched up.

_Score! It’s not opened yet! That means I get the pick of the litter! Yay!_

Patton put his hand over his heart with one hand, pressing the box into his chest, dramatically bobbing his head while pumping his fist into the air like a recreation of _The Breakfast Club._

After he was finished, he glanced at the clock despite the fact it was still resolutely still showing 5 minutes left on the timer. 

Patton wasted no time, retrieving his favorite mug with a frog featured prominently on the side. The handle of the mug was made to look like the frog’s tongue, which may have grossed out anyone else if they saw it, but Patton didn’t mind.

Patton hobbled over to the sink with one crutch, leaving the other behind for a bit more flexibility for what he was going to do. It remained, sadly draped against the kitchen counter. He nearly fumbled with the knob and almost spilled his mug, but he was able to steady it before anything was flung onto the counter. Not having any line or indication of where to fill the mug up to for the proper hot chocolate powder to water ratio, Patton simply eyeballed the amount of water he needed. The mug filled to about a third of an inch under the rim of the mug before the water was turned off, Patton having successfully filled the mug with the right amount of water according to his personal assessment.

Before he moved back towards the hot chocolate powder packets, Patton made sure to set the mug down and wipe his hands off with a towel. Patton also ran the towel for a couple seconds around the part of the counter surrounding the sink, to clean any stray bits of water that had managed to splash out of the sink and the mug. When he was done, he hung the towel back up, folding it perfectly like Janus had taught him when they moved in together.

“Towels _definitely_ look nice all wrinkled, folding the towels _isn’t_ a way to make them not wrinkled when you hang them up.” Janus had said in that adorably sarcastic tone that made Patton just want to hold Janus’s face and squish it until Janus was blushing as red as Santa’s signature suit. 

Patton’s smile bloomed into a full blown grin at the memory of one of his partners. He had been _so_ adorable when Patton was first able to fluster him. Patton’s heart attempted to full on beat out of his chest as his mind began to wander to more memories of his partners before a slight change out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. Patton glanced over to gauge the source of the change in his vision. Like humans developing their innate sense of danger and perception through trial and error, historically it had been used to spot prey and also potential predators. But in a kitchen in modern society, Patton was in no place for some kind of predator to simply jump out at him.

_00:04_

Instead of a predator in the wild, the oven timer had caught Patton’s eye once again. Already, a minute had elapsed.

Patton shook his head, trying to shake the lingering memories of his partners out of his head to help him focus.

_I love my partners, but if I want to time it right, I gotta focus. Come on Patton, let’s do this. Cookie and hot chocolate time! Woo!_

Patton gingerly picked up the mug on the counter _,_ moving over to the microwave, reaching up with the mug-less hand to pry open the microwave with a _click_ that reverberated through the microwave, creating the unique sound that only opening a microwave could evoke. Patton’s feet and ankles protested as Patton edged his weight forward to slightly on his tiptoes, gingerly placing his mug into the microwave to heat it up for its intended purpose that evening. Hot chocolate!

Another unique microwave door _click_ later, the sound of the microwave buttons filled the void the other sound of the microwave left behind as Patton set the microwave timer to heat the water for his hot chocolate up for 90 seconds total. 

Roman’s voice filled Patton’s head this time, his voice colored with playful exasperation.

“But why can’t you just input one minute and thirty seconds like a normal human being? The microwave even changes to that form when you start it up! Heathen!” Roman’s voice hadn’t been serious, but Patton had still responded seriously to Roman’s question with five simple words that had Roman aghast.

“Takes less time to press.” Patton had shrugged, turning away to hide his smirk at the offended noise it elicited from Roman that rivaled the most aghast pearl-clutchers.

This time, Patton didn’t let the memory pull him away from what he was doing as he pressed the start button on the microwave. The newest sound from the microwave, a gentle hum that signaled the microwave was working, filled the kitchen. 

Out the window, the snow began to visibly change direction, previously angled coming from the right, the very light wind began to blow the snow slowly from perpendicular to the ground to slowly start coming from the left. The wind was gratefully not the howling winds of a full on snowstorm. In Patton’s opinion, snow was best experienced overnight with little to no wind.

Patton jumped when the sudden beeping of the microwave startled him, whipping around to the microwave. He had gotten distracted by the snow and generally distracted for the third or fourth time in a quarter of an hour. 

Patton’s cheeks warmed, slowly turning pink despite the lack of anyone else there to observe him become distracted once again.

_This darn snow! Making my brain go soft with it’s wonderfulness! Darn you, snow!_

Patton shook his fist lightly at the snow outside as he mentally chastised the snow, a traitorous grin spreading on his face despite his attempt to look serious. What would the neighbors think if they saw him shaking his fist at the snow? They would likely think he was off his rocker from an accelerated case of cabin fever. The snow had just started, after all, and Patton had been able to go out for groceries not a few hours before for anything else he needed before the snow hit. That was… where he got a huge portion of the ingredients he had used in the plethora of cookies he had already made that evening.

Patton’s grin remained as he grabbed the small towel he had used to wipe down the water around the kitchen sink. When he went to grab his now-thoroughly-steaming mug, he placed the kind of damp towel under the mug, a barrier between Patton’s hand and the mug. Even through the towel, the mug was almost too hot to touch. The towel also had an ingenious two-in-one purpose as it would catch and absorb any water that happened to slosh over the side of the mug.

Patton almost gasped as he accidentally bumped against the counter with his hip, tipping his mug so that a small glob of water darkened the still damp towel. Patton tensed as he watched the little bit of water slosh out of the mug, waiting for the scalding pain of the near boiling water to come, instead a slight damp warm thump of hot dampness plopped against his hand. The towel stuck to Patton’s hand where the dark spot appeared.

Patton stood still a moment more, blinking down at the dark spot made by the water, his mind filled with the odd thought of soaked towel hand puppets, before he finally relaxed again. His shoulders, like a coiled spring, dropped down into something more of a loose, flimsy string. Patton laughed breathily as he then much more carefully set down his mug on the counter. 

Patton waited a moment, gazing between the mug and the edge of the counter before he slowly ran the mug across the counter, a couple of inches away from the edge of the counter. No chance to mess up _that_ now. Patton nodded to himself.

Grabbing the box of assorted hot chocolate mixes half blindly, Patton checked the timer, the oven now showing:

_00:02_

Patton inwardly fist bumped the air like he did at the window. He didn’t want to make himself look even more off his rocker by doing the same thing he just did a few moments before like he was under the influence or something.. Patton was in full view of that same window, after all.

 _Right on schedule now! Yes! I still got to mix everything up, but the cookies have to cool still, so there’s absolutely no hurry. Take. It._ Slow…

Patton pulled the box directly in front of him. His fingers ran smoothly across the surface of the box, searching for the special tab to help him open it. Eventually, one of his fingers sunk into the box, Patton turning it to see the finger had slipped through the hole where the tab was. Patton flexed his finger, getting his finger under the tab and then tugging. The sound of popping came from the box as Patton began to peel back the cardboard lid that was once a solid part of the box.

As Patton finished pulling the lid back, the hot chocolate mix box now resembled more the structure of an open tissue box than a standard box package. Not those tissue boxes with the plastic there to keep tissues from falling out, but the open mix box resembled those cheap tissue boxes you get. The ones where you peel back a portion of the box and leave the tissue paper open to the elements and the various germs of anyone who used it. Yuck. Even the hot chocolate mix packages themselves, the white thin packages with somewhat subtle color difference to denote the different flavors, resembled very thick pieces of tissue paper.

Patton’s face settled into pensive curiosity, following the packages up and down the structured lines the packages were in with his eyes. Already some of the mini packages were starting to fall over against each other, the box less sturdy now that it was open than when it was unopened on the shelf of the grocery store, relatively undisturbed. 

Patton bit his lip, his left hand rising from the counter where it had been draped to cup his chin, tapping his cheek as he agonized over which flavor to use.

_They all sound so good! Milk Chocolate, Vanilla, Mocha, Caramel, even Candy Cane flavored?! I- I don’t know if I can even choose!_

“You’re all so lovely, I don’t know if I can pick only one of you!” Patton cried, the sound a mix between a coo and a groan.

The mixes were of course no help, all of them seeming to say ‘Pick me!’ ‘No, pick me!’ ‘I taste good too!’ Patton just _could not pick._

Instead Patton opted for the most unbiased method of choosing, he decided to merely screw his eyes shut and bring his hand down into the box to pick one. Patton gripped the box and did some preliminary stretches, making sure his hand landed on the box when it landed before he attempted the feat completely blind. He stepped back a little, prepared for what he was about to do

Patton slammed his eyes shut, and raised his hand, holding his breath dramatically as he hand dropped his hand into the box. He rummaged around slightly before a specific package called to him. He gripped the chosen package, extracting it from the others, opening his eyes as he brushed off the other package that clung to his chosen package. It was as if the packet was jealous and holding onto the other one to try and get Patton to choose it.

Patton flipped the package over, reading the vaguely faint text that read _Candy Cane_ on the package. Patton nearly dropped the package as he bit back a loud squeal. Even though he was alone, Patton still automatically suppressed his squeals, worried he might distress his partners. Patton glanced out of the kitchen towards the living room, face dropped before it lit up again immediately after, Patton’s fist balling up and plastering themselves to his chest as he let out a practically ear-piercing squeal, comfortable in the knowledge he wasn’t disturbing anyone with it as no one but him was home.

“It’s like a candy cane and a chocolate bar had a baby! I bet it tastes _wonderful_! I don’t think I’ve had this flavor before!” Patton bubbled to the empty kitchen, pushing the box of hot chocolate mix packages to the side.

Patton pulled the mug back towards himself. He also slid the towel towards himself as well. The mug was still scalding to the touch-

“Ah! Fiddlesticks, I forgot what I was doing with the mug. That smarts!” Patton clutched his right hand back from the mug, cradling it with his other hand.

-as Patton found out when he reached out to grab the mug like he always did when he _wasn’t_ making hot chocolate, by the main part of the cup. Not the handle. 

Patton waved his hand, trying to dispel the pain as the skin of his hand turned from light toffee to a dim pink. His hand prickled, the sensation in his hand temporarily muddled by the phantom sensation of heat that remained, not going away with Patton’s hand movements.

Patton’s eyes widened, peeping down at the counter. He flickered his eyes between his hand and the counter once or twice before he placed his hand lightly on the counter. 

A contented sigh slipped from his lips. The cool countertop was the perfect balm for Patton’s hand, a current of ice traveling pleasantly up his veins to chase away the lingering heat.

However, his contentment didn’t last too long as Patton jerked when the oven sounded. That meant his hand was exposed to the air, and that aching heat slowly bloomed once again, radiating through his veins. 

Patton moved a couple steps to the oven, still with his singular crutch. Patton grabbed the oven mitts and slipped them on quickly. Patton couldn’t help but cringe at the coarse material sliding over his irritated skin, but he had to be ready just in case this time. Patton never wanted to intentionally burn his cookies.

Patton flinched back at the wave of heat then. His right hand under the oven mitt was painfully pulsing in time with the waves from the oven, like the oven heat was feeding the residual burn. 

Patton peered into the oven like he had five minutes before to check the cookies. Patton smiled as the cookies now were immaculate, no wet or soggy spots and no dark brown burnt spots either. There were one or two cookies that were visibly close to burning, but other than that, they were perfect.

A satisfied smile bloomed on Patton’s face as he reached into the oven with his left hand. He didn’t want to risk further irritating his right hand. Even though it was a bit harder to maneuver, Patton pulled the tray of cookies out with one hand, closing the oven with a solid _thump._ With the tray balancing precariously in Patton’s right hand, Patton quickly abandoned his crutch to quickly set the tray down. Patton cringed as his feet protested the new weight on them, but he finished the job quickly setting the tray down on the counter beside his unmade hot chocolate.

Before Patton did anything else, the light yet still on coming from the oven caught Patton’s eye. Without a moment to lose, Patton leaned over as far as he could before his feet started to _really_ protest and shut off the oven with a single finger, though the oven mitt hid the shape of his hand..

_Glad I caught that! That could’ve been bad, and a HUGE waste of energy and electricity! Good job, Patton!_

Patton started to brush his hand together in a job well done, a triumphant grin on his face, until his still oven mitted hands ran against one another. Patton cringed as the movement again irritated his still tingling right hand. Patton’s only lucky break was that the burning in his right hand had subsided while it was in the gloves. The stinging was only a slight jagged edge against Patton’s palm instead of the many very jagged edges feeling the irritation had caused initially when Patton first pulled back.

Patton sighed, gradually peeling off the oven mitts.

Letting the cookies cool as they needed a bit before Patton could handle them, let alone eat them, Patton faced the hot chocolate mix and the mug he had left sitting there. 

Patton snatched up the mix packet, humming with a stupidly wide grin as he finally tore open the mix, wasting no time before pouring it into the mug of slowly cooling water. Patton finished pouring the mix in and moved back, opening the silverware drawer to retrieve a spoon to stir the mixture into an even and uniform solution.

Patton let his mind wander, but not too far, as the gentle clinking of the spoon against the side of his mug faded into a peaceful background melody of sound. 

His eyes eventually gravitated back to the kitchen window, where he found fantastic shapes in the swirls of snow outside the window. Memories of previous winters past flitted through Patton’s mind, of cozy blankets and warm hugs. Comforting touches danced like phantoms across Patton’s skin, his partners’ gentle caresses and the platonic cuddles of his friends teasing him like vengeful apparitions. Except the vengeance enacted by the spirits was only teasing the gentle touch of his friends and partners, nothing malicious or evil.

When Patton was satisfied, he looked down at the steaming mug of hot chocolate. He extracted the dripping spoon from the solution, tapping it on the side of the glass like the final rings of victory in battle. Patton laid the spoon on the towel he had used to insulate his hand, having no need for it anymore.

The cookies sat, tempting Patton to take one, but he was still unsure if the cookies were cool enough to handle. However, it didn’t take long for Patton’s self control to falter under the irresistible temptation of what he had just created. Patton's face quickly turned pained before he pounced on two of the cookies, releasing his breath as the cookies didn’t burn his left hand as he picked the first one up. 

Patton’s pulse raced, bouncing up and down on his toes minutely as he gathered his things, preparing to move to a more comfortable location to enjoy the fruits of his labor. He retrieved his crutches where he had abandoned them leaning against the counter. 

With a pep in his step, Patton slowly maneuvered around the island in the middle of the kitchen. The ground underneath Patton starkly transitioned from the somewhat slick tiled floor of the kitchen to a soft carpet as Patton entered the living room. 

Patton wasn’t affected by the change in terrain, expertly weaving through the living room by muscle memory. He could probably do it in his sleep or blindfolded if he needed to.

Placing the cookies and hot chocolate on the coffee table, Patton set both of his crutches finally to the side, having no need for them while he was going to relax and recline on the couch. 

The couch wrapped around him like a warm hug as he automatically relaxed into it. He let out a contented sight, automatically closing his eyes as he could finally relax instead of worry about the cookies or his feet. Patton pulled the coffee table close enough to grab his mug while being able to get out when he needed to get up. 

Patton grabbed the remote, turning on the TV. Patton scrolled through the channels, looking at various movies and shows until he turned to a channel that caught his eye. The program was a TV series he was getting into called _Steven Universe._ It was one of the episodes he had already watched, which he was grateful for as he had almost been spoiled a couple of times before, the episode was a welcome one for Patton. 

Though he had already watched it, he let the episode play out, placing the remote on the coffee table and replacing it with the mug of hot chocolate and the two cookies he’d nabbed. 

Patton’s eyes were glued to the screen, captivated almost instantly with the episode. He absently brought the cookie and hot chocolate to his mouth as he watched Steven and Connie battling a bout of snow. Patton chuckled softly at the timing of the episode, glancing outside as he did so.

_That’s so funny, it’s snowing here too! Also… I knew this hot chocolate flavor would taste wonderful! It tastes just like candy canes and chocolate had a baby! Don’t want to drink this too fast, though. It’ll be more satisfying if I drink it to savor it, not just gulping it down._

Patton lowered his cup a little, slowing down the flow of hot chocolate. When he was done with the swig hot and heavenly cocoa bean liquid he was taking, he set the cup back down, leaning back into the soft cushions. 

The air of the room was so warm and the scent of cookies and hot chocolate that Patton found himself closing his eyes for longer and longer. It wasn’t until Patton’s arm slid off the arm of the couch that Patton jolted back, fully awake and aware. He grabbed for the mug of hot chocolate immediately, half of the liquid still sloshing around in there, having grown almost cold.

“I can’t have hot chocolate without the hot!” Patton mumbled, bringing the cup to his lips to try and wake himself up more. On the TV, Steven yelled out something, causing Patton to turn his attention back to the show. He peered over the rim of his cup to continue to watch the show when...

_Thump._

Patton jumped at a small thud in the direction of the door. The veil of drowsiness draped over him almost immediately fled as Patton nearly tossed his hot chocolate all over himself. He managed to not spill it over himself, instead, he corrected the movement, expertly positioning his mug to catch every last drop of hot chocolate.

Patton didn’t celebrate the accomplishment though, chills traveling up his arms and his spine, making him shudder involuntarily. His mind immediately started to race, his mind conjuring up more and more absurd reasons why the thump occurred before a soft laugh escaped his lips.

_It’s snowing, the thump was probably some snow falling off the roof, nothing to be concerned about. Breathe._

Patton didn’t follow the breathing exercise this time. His panic hadn’t mounted too much, so a simple and normal deep breath in and out dispelled the chill up his spine. However, it didn’t get rid of the small pit in Patton’s stomach that told him that there could be something wrong and that sound wasn’t just snow.

But Patton ignored it, moving onto his second cookie, the first one placed neatly in Patton’s stomach.

_Thump. Thump._

Patton’s heart sank as two more thumps traveled through the living room for the front door of the house.

_It’s not snow. Not snow. Not snow!_

Patton’s fingers twitched around the cookie in his hand, placing it carefully on the coffee table. Making as little sound as possible, he slowly turned down the volume of the TV. The bite of cookie in Patton’s mouth now felt like a boulder, scraping down his throat when he swallowed. Patton had to swish down another mouthful of hot chocolate to get the harsh feeling to go away.

Patton’s thoughts went back to racing a mile a minute, analyzing everything he had heard so far and eventually all his thoughts came to the same basic conclusion.

He _had_ to check out what the noise was.

Patton slowly extracted himself from the couch, setting his mug down and grabbed the nearest blunt object, just in case, as he passed the coffee table on his route towards the door: a decorative vase covered in cartoon flowers. The flowers in the vase had long since died and been thrown away, so Patton easily wielded it upside down, gripping the bumpy surface like a baseball bat. 

Patton approached the door very cautiously, trying to make as little sound with his socked feet as he could on the floor as the surface under Patton’s socks changed from the carpet back to the hard, flat surface of the hardwood floor. The change nearly sent Patton tumbling, the slick hardwood providing less traction than the kitchen tiles.

His crutches could wait for now; he didn’t _need_ them to walk, and they might slow him down in the tighter space of the doorway, so he left them propped up out of the way on the leg of the couch.

Another small shuffle came through the door. Patton gripped the vase harder, but nowhere near enough to crack it. Some part of Patton wanted desperately to run to his room, to hole himself up there and ignore the sound, maybe to call the police in case the sound was someone coming to attack him. 

But a louder part of Patton was insisting that Patton see what was making the sound. It could be something harmless, but it could also be something or someone who meant to hurt him.

Everything became suspended in time for a long moment. Patton was at the door, the only thing he needed to do now was open the door, but he paused. 

_Should I open it? I should! But what if- No! I can’t back down, if it is someone who means me harm, I at least know to look out for something. Calm yourself Patton. In 4….._

Patton’s heart had begun to race, his breathing speeding up, but he wiggled his body a little, trying to get rid of the excess tension. He stilled only when he started the breathing exercise. Patton’s chest expanded languidly, his lungs filling with precious air he had been depriving himself of in his panic.

_Hold 7..._

Patton fought the urge to breathe out until the count was done, keeping his eye fixed on a point on the doorframe to not remind him of the possible danger waiting outside with a reckless glance.

_Out for 8..._

Patton’s shoulders relaxed. They dropped down almost to the position they were before, but there was an undercurrent of tension even then weaved into Patton’s slightly chubby frame. A stray strand of hair fell down into Patton’s face from his messy ponytail, and Patton tucked it behind his ear absently, not even registering it beyond tucking it away out of sight. 

Patton bounced on the balls of his feet, gazing through the small window above, the snow coming down just the same as at the kitchen window. He brought his hand up to the door knob, snatching it back as he second-guessed himself before slowly bringing his hand back to where it was.

The moment Patton’s left hand hit the cool metal, Patton shivered, hit with the fact that the next moments may count for his life or death.

Patton warred against himself for several moments longer before an impulse swept through him. His hand promptly gripped the knob. He twisted it sharply before swinging the door rapidly open. His left hand went to the vase, primed to strike before his assailant could....

But instead of anything Patton expected, Patton opened the door to find absolutely nothing there, no strange car in the driveway or hooded figure with a gun pointed at his chest. Rather, there was just the silent snow falling to the ground, the cold air blasting Patton in the face as the seal of warmth in the house was broken.

“Mm…”

Patton jumped at the sound of the human groan, nearly shattering the vase in his grip when his hand clenched the vase the tightest he could. Its proximity sent Patton’s heart pumping as he scrambled back from the sound as his gaze trailed down to...

Patton froze. And he didn’t freeze because of the cold temperature.

The reason was… _much_ worse.

On his doorstep, half covered in a thin layer of snow that was slowly melting under the outside porch light, was a child. A child all alone, in the snow, with no coat or protection whatsoever, curled up on Patton’s doorstep.

Patton barely noticed when he dropped the vase in his hands, only hearing it shatter against the floor and the child’s huddled form jolt sluggishly at the sound. Patton’s hand clapped over his mouth, whether to stifle his cry or simply at the sheer sight, even Patton wasn’t sure of the reason he did it himself. Patton’s heart followed suit with the vase, dropping to Patton’s feet and shattering into a million tiny pieces at the image of the child's tiny form, left to the elements in the marginally below freezing weather.

There was only one coherent thought Patton had the sight of the poor child at his feet: 

_Who would do this to a child?_


	2. Where Fingers Tremble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton has found a child on his doorstep, what is he going to do with them? Are they okay? Patton doesn't even know what he's doing, so he gets in contact with the one person he knows who would.

Patton bit down on his hand a little to prevent himself from crying out at the pathetically small and frail form in front of him. 

The child was curled in the fetal position and covered in a thin layer of snow on their back, but the front of them was strangely clear of snow. Patton’s brow wrinkled as he took in how thin the child looked. They were so thin that the muscles in the child’s neck were visible with every breath they took. Every micro movement was there for Patton to observe. Patton’s heart would’ve broken again if it wasn’t scattered across the floor like- like the vase. 

Their hair was long, unkempt, and tangled, looking nothing like the smooth curls that Patton could tell that they were. The snow followed the same strange phenomenon as their back, only the top of their head had signs of snow on it. Their tangled bangs were moist with water as the snow melted under their body heat and rain down their head, but there were no tiny dots of snow covering them.

He examined the child, relaxing just a little when he found none of the vase shard had traveled far enough to hurt them. 

Patton’s mind swirled with every possibility for the reason this child had turned up on his doorstep, from parents abandoning them or losing them to the worst possibility, where they were de-

Trying to clear his thoughts, he shook his head a bit. He couldn’t just stand here wondering about this forever!

_ Patton, you gotta focus. This child needs help! He’s been out here for who knows how long? You have to warm him up! _

He bent down, ignoring when that strand of hair began to fall into his face again. His hands stretched out to pick the child up and into his home to comfy and warm safety. But when the child’s eyes fluttered, yet didn’t open, Patton paused. Even with their eyes still closed, the child was nevertheless able to sense Patton and violently flinched away. Their cry was full of terror, as if Patton was a monster. It was no cry for help, just a wordless exclamation. The child rolled enough to scrape some of the snow off their small body and onto the porch. 

Patton immediately snatched his hands away. His heart cried out at the anguish on the child’s face, at what would cause this poor child to react so hopelessly in this dire of a situation. They didn’t have the capacity to actually comprehend someone was there to help, but even alone and barely conscious they didn’t try to even cry out for help.

A huge gust of wind abruptly blew around the house, effectively cutting Patton off from doing whatever he was about to do. Both Patton and the child shivered as it blew against them. When Thomas’s hands unclenched from his chest reflexively, Patton’s chest twinged at what was uncovered. His unclenched hands revealed blue and purple tinged fingers that resembled popsicles from how stiff and cold they looked.

_ I need something to dry him off and warm him up. Oh, a towel! Of course, that’s perfect! _

Patton started to head back inside. He bolted back into his house a step, but something stopped him. 

_ But… I can’t just leave him out here!  _ Patton’s thoughts could not agree on what this child needed first and honestly part of Patton was growing frustrated at himself for how unable he was to decide what to do. His fists trembled at his sides. A tear of frustration leaked from his eye until he again gazed at the child’s tiny form. The image helped Patton clear most of his conflicting thoughts, but some still remained.

He sighed once again, forcing all of the indecision out of him as he focused in on one decision. And after a moment, he acted on his decision.

Patton swung around once again on his heel, darting back into the house. Even as his brain was battered with dull pain signals, he ignored the aches in his feet. Patton’s dog covered socks on the slick floor gave rise to Patton nearly falling or slamming into a wall on one or two separate occasions. Nothing could stop him now, though. Not any old fall. He was too determined to let that stop him.

The glasses-clad man did not attempt to turn on the light when he thundered into the bathroom. It would take too much time and Patton had only a limited amount of time he could help this poor child. Luckily, Patton’s muscle memory was enough to guide Patton directly to the towel rack. He tugged on the towel, glad when it came free easily from the rack. In the dim light, Patton’s eyes made out the shape of the towel to watch it easily slide up and out.

He wasted no time in dashing back to the front door, though it was then that he finally succumbed to his slick socks and the hardwood. Patton’s control of his momentum slipped, literally and figuratively, away from him. He could only stick it out and pray he was able to cushion his fall automatically. 

Time was suspended in a single moment, Patton in freefall for what was only a couple seconds but stretched out for Patton into much more than that, before Patton finally slammed down on the ground. It was a hard fall, but no pain immediately stood out, so Patton was already pushing himself back onto his feet within seconds. He had a dull achy throb of pain on one side of his body, but that was just how he had fallen. Nothing felt too hurt, so Patton brushed it off. He needed to help the child.

Patton spotted his saving grace on the floor as he continued his journey down the hall. It was the pair of shoes he had kicked off an hour or two ago because they weren’t needed for grip if Patton was barely going anywhere. With no hesitation Patton slipped them on his feet.

_ Why did I even take these off in the first place? _

Patton didn’t mourn his mistake for long as he stampeded through the door in a whirlwind of movement. Shoes skidded across the ground as Patton ground to a halt in the doorway. 

The child hadn’t moved. They barely even looked like they were breathing, in fact. It was only from the movement of those poor visible muscles in their neck that Patton could even discern they were still alive. 

Patton bent down in front of the child. He was much slower in his movement this time, not wanting for the child to startle so violently again. They were  _ so fragile _ as it was. Patton didn’t want to make their own condition worse by startling them or making them feel unsafe. 

_ Slow and steady wins the race, or so the saying goes. _

Patton went slowly, but as fast as he thought he could push it. Just being outside in this weather for more than a minute had Patton’s body erupting into shivers. This child had been out in this cold for likely more than ten times that amount of time, their state was so much worse than just a couple minutes’ jaunt in the snow.

Waiting for a sign that they were calm and mostly unaware, his hand paused just before he was able to make physical contact with the child. The sign came when Patton noticed their breathing beginning to even out bit by bit. 

He took the opportunity to lightly brush their upper arm with the smallest edge of his fingertip. Their arms were slightly discolored, faint marks visible even with the small area of the child’s skin Patton was able to make out.

Biting his lip as he painstakingly waited for the child to stir or lash out, he tensed. Luckily for him, the child stayed still and their breathing pattern did not change. They were completely unaware of him.

And so the progessive process of picking the child up began, Patton’s fingers laid experimentally flat on the child’s arm. It was methodical work, much too slow for his liking, but it was progress. 

When Patton had a very loose and tender grip on the child’s arm, he slowly used the leverage to slide the towel around their body. He heavily monitored the child’s face, ready for any sign of distress as he made leaps and bounds towards picking the child up.

With gentle, small circles, Patton massaged the child’s back through the towel. The towel was more coarse than he remembered, but that did not concern him. Patton’s heart leaped when the child’s face relaxed even more, and though the child didn’t smile, he saw their face brighten up a little. Their brow wasn’t as furrowed and their muscles weren’t as tense.

After a while of doing that, Patton transitioned to shifting the towel slowly up to their head to brush off the snow there. Feeling brave, he also started to shift the child’s body to be able to pick them up. The child remained unconscious, but they did make a small sound as Patton began to lift their torso. But as Patton stopped, the child quieted again. 

Patton almost gasped at how light they were to move; he was able to lift them easily into his arms. 

_ They barely weigh anything at all! Oh you poor thing! I’m sorry this happened to you, little one. I am, but I do have to move you. _

“I’m going to take you inside where it’s warm, alright?” Patton spoke softly. Even if the child was unconscious, they had the right to know what was happening and where they were being moved. He wasn’t even sure the child could hear him, but it was something he could do, so he did it. The child’s eyes fluttered at the sound, but they didn’t make any noise, distressed or not.

Patton guided their head into the crook of his elbow. His eyes widened as only now could Patton discern exactly how small this young child was. Their body barely stretched across Patton’s torso. His heart, which had slowly come back as Patton finally was picking the child up, nearly beat out of his chest as Patton was overcome with such overwhelming love and protectiveness for this tiny human child. Patton had just met them, but he loved them all the same.

The child shuddered as he completed the embrace; the child’s body was still locked in the fetal position against Patton’s chest. As a gust of wind blew through the porch, Patton pulled the child’s body tight to himself. Now that he had the child secure in his arms, he moved much faster. The faster he got out of this cold, the faster the child would heal from their affliction.

Patton tried to shift the child as little as possible as he sprinted back into his home. After getting through the doorway into the much warmer climate of his home, he quickly shut the door behind him with one hand. Wasting little time, Patton ran to the couch where he had been reclining not a few minutes before. 

Patton’s heart jumped when the child made another sound that sounded vaguely distressed. They shifted in his arms, but instead of thrashing like before when they were half-conscious, this time they curled into him. It was as if they were trying to soak in all the warmth they could, which they probably were. 

Patton unfortunately had to deprive them of his warmth for a bit as he hovered over the couch and laid the child down on it. The child’s hands clenched and relaxed and their head leaned forward a centimeter or two; their nebulously conscious state still searched for the little warmth Patton gave them through his embrace through his soft sweater. 

However, when Patton had laid them out fully on the cody couch, they stopped moving forward and searching for his warmth. Patton grabbed the closest blanket he could find and immediately threw it over the child’s curled form. He avoided covering their face as he draped it over them. They didn’t react well before to Patton standing over them, and the only thing that could have given him away was his shadow over them. Patton would not risk that kind of situation again, so he only tucked the blanket under the child’s chin.

He wanted this child to be comfortable, and by the stars above this child was going to be as comfortable as Patton could make them!

Patton’s eyes searched the room, falling on a pile of various blankets. It was the perfect ammo. Ammo for Patton’s love, that is. Patton quickly ran over, gathering the unholy amount of fabric in his arms and staggering back to the child. A small plushie of a cat had been perched atop the pile and Patton right then decided this cat plushie was now this child’s. Now and forever. They needed a small friend that they could hug right now.

With gentle hands, Patton slowly layered each blanket over the child. Their shivers remained, but they slowly began to lessen in severity and strength with each new layer. The blankets were working. Once Patton had layered all the blankets he could, he clutched the cat plushie to his chest. He placed a quick kiss on the plushie as it was his favorite, but that didn’t matter. The plushie was this child’s now.

Careful not to undo his hard work of layering the blankets, Patton gently and carefully lifted the blankets over the child and placed the plushie on their chest. His heart melted when the child sensed the weight on their chest and curled around the plushie automatically. 

_ Aww! Such a sweetheart!  _

Patton pressed his hands up under his chin. He had to try  _ very _ hard not to squeal out in excitement at the child’s preciousness, though it quickly faded with the situation of what was happening hitting him once again, a vice-like grip seized his chest. He suddenly couldn’t breathe. Yet despite his shallow breathing, he desperately wanted to  _ move _ .

He shifted his weight away from the child. Patton pushed himself up from where he was carefully bent over the child, intending to get to where he could pace the living room. But instead, a familiar sensation against his leg stopped him in his tracks. 

The familiar weight of the oblong piece of circuitry and plastic against his leg was what drew his attention to his comfy pants’s handy pocket. Now that he thought about it, he should’ve noticed it sooner.

His phone.

That was all it took for realization to slam into Patton about how  _ stupid _ he was for not  _ thinking. _

_ Fu...dge. I forgot there were people who I could call to help me. God, I’m selfish right now. I just wanted to get the glory of saving him myself, huh… I… _

Patton hit himself on the forehead with the edge of his palm.

_ I literally have a friend that specializes in this kind of stuff! How stupid can I be? Stupid! Stupid. Stupid… _

Patton cringed as the word ‘stupid’ repated itself over and over in his head. It drowned out everything but the focus Patton had as he pulled out his phone. The only other thing it didn’t drown out was his constant concern, and slowly panic as well, that only grew with every little glance at the state of this poor child.

His hands shook as he swiped open his phone, his eyes blurring a little until he finally swiped open the contact that read: ‘The Dukey.’ Patton hesitated, wondering if he really needed to call him, but one look at the small form under the blankets on the couch had him immediately pressing the button. He moved further away from the child, trying to get far enough away to not disturb them as he pulled the phone to his ear.

Patton nearly jumped to the ceiling when the first call tone echoed from the phone. His jumpiness hadn’t worn off from when he had thought someone was trying to hurt him, apparently. Patton pressed his left hand to his chest without thinking about it. It was his natural reaction to being startled, but the weight of his own hand on his chest actually helped him calm down and start to breathe normally again. 

The following couple of call tones went by much easier, now that Patton wasn’t as jumpy as a grasshopper. It was on the fourth ring that Patton’s hands started to tremble again. 

What if he wasn’t there? What if Patton couldn’t reach him?

Patton didn’t know what he was doing! How could he protect the child if he didn’t know how to help them? He was a failure.

_ Failure. Failure. Failu- _

The sound of the call picking up at long last came through the speakers. Patton’s back straightened as his friend's voice came through the phone. 

“Hello?”

Patton spirits leaped as the sound of his friend entered his ear.

“Hey, Remus?”

“Yes, Daddy? You gonna punish me for not checking in?” Patton could hear Remus’s smirk in his voice from over the phone. 

He would’ve entertained the game they both played, but a child’s life or at least wellbeing was on the line, so Patton  _ couldn’t  _ play. His feet carried him from one end of the living room to the other, the pain in his feet merely and afterthought. In fact, Patton didn’t even feel the pain as he focused on getting Remus over.

“Remus, I can’t play this game right now please, I just need you to come over. And no, you’re fine.” Patton’s voice was stern and serious, yet slightly hushed.

There was a pause--a pause that was something characteristically not something Remus  _ ever _ did. Remus was always bouncing off the walls, interrupting anyone and everyone with the pure stream of consciousness. He was never silent. Remus only ever paused because he had to breathe. If he didn’t have to breathe, Patton swore the whole world could hear his unholy screeches when he was on a chaotic streak.

“Remus?” Patton tried, wondering if the connection just dropped. But when he pulled the phone away from his face, his service was at one less than full bars. That was impressive in the snow; service was always spotty in a snowstorm like this, so Patton was lucky to have nearly full bars. 

There was only one reason Patton could gather other than Remus just spontaneously keeling over from a brain aneurysm or something; that Remus could surprisingly tell Patton was serious.

“What is it? Are you hurt? What happened?” Remus’s voice was a far cry from his normal tone of voice. It was so soft and actually sounded concerned. Patton’s heart melted at the softness; he marveled at the fact that this actual sudden change in emotion was because of  _ him _ . 

Patton chuckled dryly, monitoring the child out of the corner of his eye.

“No, I’m okay, Remus. I… just have to call in a favor. Could you bring some of your stuff and meet me at my house? Please?” Patton bit his lip. He waited for Remus to just shut him down with a crude joke, slipping back into his usual bravado.

“No, you don’t have to call in a favor. I’m coming, but I have my night shift soon, so I can’t guarantee I’ll stay for long.” Remus soothed his voice again. None of the flippancy Patton expected in his voice, just genuine concern once again.

Patton sobbed once into the phone, but he bit it back just a little too late for him to properly stifle it. Patton cursed himself as the silence grew with each passing second of his lack of response. He just couldn’t get anything past the lump in his throat. If he tried, Patton was sure he would bust out crying and he didn’t want to do that in earshot of the chil.

“Are you really okay, Pat?” Remus’s voice grew the softest it had yet. Patton could hear Remus gathering his things in the background, which did raise his spirits a little. But the lump in his throat stayed put even as Patton swallowed multiple times in an attempt to dislodge it.

Patton cleared his throat, and that finally beat back the lump enough for him to whisper a quiet, “No.” 

A tear fell down his cheek as he spoke. His voice was unsteady, but he still forced his voice to be intelligible. Another tear followed the first when he glanced at the couch to see the blankets shifting as the child moved under them.

“Patton, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Jus-”

“I’m sorry Remus, I gotta go!” Patton cut Remus off. He pulled his phone away from his face and hung up.

He ran over to the couch, slowing up before he completely crowded the child. His hands hovered over the child’s form, not knowing where to go.

Patton crouched down next to the child as the child shifted under the covers. Their eyes flitted under their eyelids uncertainly as they drew their limbs even closer to themself. They let out a tiny whimper of distress as they squirmed. However, once they made the sound, they settled down once again against the couch. 

They did mutter something quietly as their eyes nearly opened even as their body relaxed back into the couch. Patton angled his ear closer to the child, but the child’s words trailed off into silence just as Patton was close enough to determine what they were saying. What Patton did get from the mumbled words was something about sitting down and cake. It didn’t really make sense to Patton.

“What, kiddo? Are you awake enough to repeat that?” Patton asked them, wondering if they were really waking up. But if anything, the child’s state only grew closer and closer to sleep.

The child’s eyes stopped flickering after a few seconds of increasingly more steady breathing from the child. Patton huffed softly, a dry laugh that held little humor.

The child’s brow reamined furrowed slightly even as they sunk back into unconsciousness. They did not wake, much to Patton’s… well,  _ complicated  _ feelings on the matter.

_ They look so small and exhausted. I want to help them, but… does that mean waking them up or letting them sleep? I’m not a medical professional! I don’t have the know-how for this stuff like Remus does! _

Patton risked a gentle caress of the child’s face with the back of his hand. He wanted them to feel safe, and by golly this child was going to feel safe if it was the last thing Patton was going to do!

Patton didn’t expect the child to react, so he was pleasantly surprised when they did. The child leaned minutely into the touch, though Patton was really unsure if it was just because his hands were warm or because the touch was just that comforting.

He tried once to wake the child. He shook the child's shoulder without certainty, waiting for any sign of stirring from them, but the child remained unconscious. Even while unconscious, their body shivered violently under the myriad of blankets.

Sitting down on the ground with his back to the couch, Patton grabbed his phone from the coffee table and looked at the time. About five minutes had gone by since Patton hung up on Remus, and he saw two missed calls from Remus.

What he did to Remus finally hit him.

_ Oh god! He’s probably worried sick! I shouldn’t have phrased it so cliche, he’s probably freaking out right now cause he thinks i’m dying. Crap, crap, crap! _

Patton opened his phone frantically. He blanked on where the messaging app was for a long moment, but when he spotted it, he immediately jabbed his phone screen. Patton didn’t trust his voice to stay if he spoke with Remus again, but texting was fine.

_ Pattycakeman:  _ Hey, sorry for worrying you. I kept you hanging and I’m  _ so _ sorry I worried you. I couldn’t stay on the phone because I had to attend to something.

_ The Dukey:  _ What the fuck is happening? Why weren’t you able to stay on the phone? Seriously dude, fucking tell me if you’re hurt. Can you not call me?

_ Pattycakeman: _ Language!

_ Pattycakeman _ : I'm… not hurt, but I don’t wanna call right now.

_ The Dukey: _ Those dots, or Nerdy Wolverine says they’re ellipticals or something, don’t give me confidence that you’re telling the truth. 

Patton sighed. He ran his hand through his hair, noting it was a little greasy.

_ That’s probably because I’ve been sweating over this kiddo. They have to be okay. If they aren’t okay right now, Remus will make sure they are soon. _

Patton’s body vibrated as the child shivered violently. Their breathing stuttered as the shiver swept through their whole body. They were still cold, even with the multitude of admittedly thin blankets piled on top of them.

Patton turned. He raised himself off his butt as he checked to make sure they were okay otherwise.

Where was something else he could lay on them? Maybe he could find something heavier?

Patton’s eyes widened.

_ My afghan! That would be perfect! _

Patton shot up. He forgot himself for a moment as a twinge of pain arced up his leg from his foot. He winced, but it didn’t deter him for long.

He moved quickly, though quite achingly, to his feet, down the hallway where he has also retrieved the towel from the hallway bathroom. There was a much skinnier door than the others halfway down the hall. That was the door Patton opened, the door opened to reveal a normal looking closet for the most part.

The closet was filled with various items, from a few kitchen appliances that were rarely ever used to a small walking stick made out of wood. It was no more than maybe three to three and a half feet (a meter) long. The walking stick had something carved in it around the handle. In the dim light from the light in the hallway and not the light above the walking stick, the carving was unfortunately illegible.

What Patton was focused on was the thick blanket placed on a lower shelf. It was a baby blue, sea green, and a light grey color combination. The colors made it look almost like the ocean. Baby blue for the tropical and vibrant type of water, a deeper green for the plant life that sometimes colors the ocean slightly that shade of green, and grey for the color of the overcast ocean when a storm rolled in and the waves got choppy on the open ocean.

Or maybe Patton just picked those colors because he liked them when his tita made the afghan for him. Yeah... It was just that. In any case, it looked beautiful.

Patton’s face brightened when he caught sight of the signature blue, green, and grey combo only the afghan had. He quickly nabbed it off the shelf. Patton cupped part of the afghan as it fell towards the ground. He loved the afghan and could never bear to see it just fall to the ground, dirtied.

Patton shifted his own weight and the afghan itself as he attempted to get a better grip on it. The afghan’s folds were almost endless as Patton’s hands skirted over mountain after mountain of woolen peaks that made up the afghan.

He brought it up to his nose and sniffed deep. The smell of something distinctly belonging to his grandmother was rife in the material. Nostalgic memories of running around his tita’s legs and playing hide and seek with his childhood imaginary friend all came crashing back into him with one sniff. 

But there was no time for a trip down memory lane when the child needed him.

Patton crab-walked out of the closet slowly; he had difficulty navigating around as the afghan blocked a great portion of his view, but was able to manage. He nudged the door closed with the edge of his hip. He cringed as he was unable to stop the closet door from clicking closed. Though it was perhaps far away enough not to disturb the child, it still sent daggers of worry through Patton.

As he traversed through the hall back to the living room, Patton bobbed the afghan up and down in his arms.

_ I can’t tell whether to be surprised at how heavy this afghan is or marvel at how light it is for the amount of fabric it's made out of. _

Patton shrugged to himself. 

It was then that Patton’s foot spasmed in pain. The spasm caused the foot to land wrong as Patton stepped forward and he was thrown off balance as his upper body continued forward without anything to stop it. Patton’s arms splayed out instinctively as he hurdled towards the ground. 

His saving grace was the very afghan that had caused Patton to trip in the first place. Patton couldn’t observe past the afghan in his arms to right himself, and yet that was his salvation. Patton fell onto the afghan as it softly fell down to the ground. The material between him and the ground meant that he didn’t suffer any injury as his weight was spread evenly over the soft fabric.

He yelled quietly in frustration into the afghan to muffle the sound.

Everything was going wrong, and Patton hated it.

A telltale numbness started to creep up at the back of his mind as he released his frustrations into the afghan. He clenched his fists in the fabric, as if he was trying to hold onto his feelings before they numbed. Patton fought the numb back with his own emotions, his overwhelming love for this child he had saved from the cold pulsing in his chest. 

Patton sniffed in that very distinct smell of his grandmother again, and that helped his love finally beat back that numb feeling--for now, at least. He finally smiled into the fabric, almost laughing when the material tickled his cheeks as his face moved over it.

With a renewed vigor, Patton pushed himself onto his feet. He didn’t immediately straighten his back at first, though; he reached down and massaged his feet and ankles first to attempt to alleviate any ache or strain. When he was confident that he had cared for his pain adequately, Patton slowly gathered the mass of fabric in his arms. He was careful this time to gather it so that he was able to see where he was going as he walked.

Patton slowly staggered back to the couch, where the child was mostly peacefully resting on the couch. He noted that another wrinkle had now appeared on the child’s forehead. Before he attempted to drape it over the child, he laid the afghan on the coffee table. He carefully swept the mug and the partially eaten cookie he hadn't been able to finish to the side to make way for the afghan.

When he was ready, he picked up the afghan and spread it out before he found the corners at the top. Patton grabbed them and tugged the rest of the blanket off the table. In completing that action, the afghan unfurled itself and mostly hung straight down. 

From there, it was easy to gently lay the corners on either side of the child. Patton quickly grabbed the other ends and scooted around the coffee table to properly drape the afghan over them. When Patton was done, he stood back. He waited for something to happen, for the new weight to wake the child or for the child to reject the covering half-consciously, maybe. Patton didn’t really know exactly why he was waiting to be honest.

He glanced down at the coffee table where he had displaced his mug and cookie, a bright idea coming to him.

_ This child is going to need one- no, two! of my cookies after they’re done with this. Something sweet after all this… pain. _

Patton tarried a moment more before he jogged to the kitchen, where the cookies still on the tray had basically cooled by then. He instantly grabbed two of them and a napkin, wrapping the cookies in it. The napkin would help the cookies not go stale and prevent any of Patton’s fuzzy comfy pants fuzz getting on them.

He opened a lower cupboard and pulled a very similar container to the ones already piled high on the counter. Patton opened the container and piled the remaining cookies into it and snapped it shut. The tupperware container became another bit of enclosed plastic against more mountains of enclosed plastic when Patton balanced it on top of the other containers of homemade cookies.

Patton had no recollection of moving from the kitchen back to the living room, but his body carried him back regardless. He was halfway bent down kneeling beside the child, ready to bury his face into the afghan to wait for Remus when he figured he shouldn’t. He did gently press his face against it, but not any more than that. 

Now that he was still, thoughts of what he thought of whoever had done this, leaving a child out in the cold to freeze to death, pinged around in his mind.

Patton groaned softly as he brought his face out of the fabric to hear the doorbell begin to ring.

_ Ring. Ring. Ring. _

Patton muttered rapidly under his breath about nothing in particular as he pushed himself up as fast as he could to the door. 

As a precaution, he glanced out the peep hole in the door before he even thought of opening the door. Then when he saw the man standing outside, Patton quickly threw open the door.

Patton must have looked a real sight to Remus. Remus’s concerned expression on his mustachioed face only deepened when he took in Patton’s state.

“Why have you-” Remus’s voice started at a normal voice level.

“Shhh!” 

Patton widened his eyes purposefully. He brought his finger up to his lips in a shushing gesture and looked pointedly behind him into the house.

When Remus spoke again, his voice was lowered to a much lower level than before, However, it was clear Remus had no idea why he needed to be quiet. Patton gestured for Remus to come in and Remus obliged. He ducked through the door and shifted the medical gear he had strapped to him. He looked down at his feet where his shoes crunched against the broken shards of vase.

“Patton, why the fu- fudge have you called me in here just before my shift? Your feet aren’t acting up again, are they? I know you said you weren’t hurt by anything, but why else would you… call me… here…”

Remus stopped short in the open doorway of the living room; his words trailed off as Remus visibly tried to decipher what he was seeing in front of him. He was rooted to the spot as his mouth opened and closed like a goldfish in shock.

“Patton-” Remus turned back to him open-mouthed. He blinked rapidly as his mouth somehow grew wider and his hand rose to his face.

Patton nodded as he closed the door behind Remus. When Remus didn’t move towards the living room immediately, Patton lightly prodded him with his open right hand on his back as he passed. Remus instead latched onto Patton’s shirt, pulling Patton back abruptly. 

“Patton, how- Was this kid just in the snow or something? He looks incredibly hypothermic! Were his clothes wet or damp?”

Patton swatted at Remus’s hand, but his face was tight with concern still.

“Yes, he was in the snow and the back of his clothes were very slightly damp, but his front was oddly untouched by the snow. You need to come check him out. I'm not a licensed medical professional, that’s why I called you. I needed your medical opinion before I made a decision to take him to the hospital.”

Remus opened his mouth to say something, but instead wordlessly snarled and made a beeline for the child. Patton was taken aback by the sudden apparent anger in the snarl and followed behind Remus closely as he knelt down by the unconscious child.

Remus unloaded most of his materials onto the coffee table to his right, where Patton had incidentally already made a space for it when he moved the things for the afghan. The first thing he did was bring out an infrared thermometer and aim it at the child’s head as he activated it.

Remus’s face paled as he read the read out on the screen. Patton’s eyes brows furrowed at it, surely that wasn’t the child’s-

“His temperature’s almost 82ºF (28ºC), we have to get him to the hospital now! He’s not going to survive here, he needs immediate medical attention! Here, we need to get him to the hospital now! I have enough here to begin treatment in the car, but we can’t wait for an ambulance!”

Remus raised his voice higher and higher. He disregarded Patton's previous insistence he stay quiet as the emotion visibly overtook him, his fists were shaking and nostrils flaring. His brow furrowed deeply, the line growing more and more defined.

Patton half-sobbed at the realization that this was  _ very serious _ . He quickly helped Remus to pull back the covers a little; they couldn’t carry the child in  _ all _ those blankets.

But both of them stopped dead in their tracks when they saw a dark spot of crimson red on the last blanket that was directly on top of the child. Remus pulled the blanket with shaking hands to reveal blood slowly soaking the child’s front. It was then they both noticed the small gash in the child’s already threadbare shirt. As the child shifted as their source of heat was taken away, the child winced and the movement revealed an open gash running across their stomach.

This had just gotten…  _ so much worse _ .


	3. Can You Help Me Find My Heart?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Remus have found a wound on the child’s stomach that’s bleeding out fast. They attempt to beat the clock and get this child the help they need before it’s too late, if only Patton wasn’t so forgetful.

Remus cursed under his breath as Patton gasped and covered his mouth with his hand at the sight of the gash on the child’s stomach. Remus quickly dug around in his bag for something while Patton stood there like a deer in headlights, staring at the blood oozing from the wound.

Remus said something to him, but he couldn’t hear anything much over the roaring of the blood in his ears. His feet were like boulders rooting him to the spot. The world became dimmer as his thoughts raced through his head.

_ I can’t- Why didn’t I notice? I could’ve checked them and gotten Remus here sooner to help and then they wouldn’t be worse like they are now. I’m so stupid. I could’ve done so much more and I didn’t! I- _

“Patton!” 

Patton jumped nearly a foot as Remus’s voice cut through Patton’s spiraling thoughts. Whipping his head up to see Remus still kneeling in front of the couch, Patton squeaked belatedly in fright.

Remus’s face scrunched up with concern at Patton’s reaction. His eyes were wide and sympathetic, but his face hardened when Patton met his eyes.

“Patton, I need you with me. No going off into guilty land or something okay? You rescued him from the snow, you didn’t do this to him, so not seeing this isn’t your fault. I need your help to move him as fast as possible; you have to focus for me, alright?”

Sniffing a little, Patton wiped at his eyes where tears had begun to form again and solemnly nodded. His hands fiddled absently with his sleeves as he waited for Remus to instruct him on what to do; Remus was the expert on this, and Patton was following his guidance. 

Pulling another medical item from his bag, Remus nodded back without really thinking about it.

“Okay, first thing’s first. Go get anything you need to drive us over to the hospital. Your car is better in the snow, so we’re taking yours instead of mine. Your wallet, keys, coat, and your crutches are probably the only things you’ll need. Only get the essentials, we need to get this child to the hospital as soon as we can.”

Patton frowned. The thought of driving this child to the hospital sent his pulse spiking, but it  _ was  _ the fastest and the most convenient option, he supposed. Scowling a little, however, Remus took his silence to mean something different.

“Patton, there is no time to call an ambulance, alright? You call an ambulance so that medical professionals can attend to you sooner, not just so you can get to the hospital sooner. And  _ I’m _ the medical professional, so just do what I say and they’ll be fine.”

Patton went to protest, his lips parting in the ghost of a word, but time was of the essence. Instead of trying to preserve his pride by correcting Remus which would ultimately only waste more time, he humbled himself and bolted out of the living room. 

His heart raced as he ran down the hallway towards his room. Wracking his brain, Patton attempted to recall where each item he needed to get was. 

His crutches were in the living room, so he didn’t need to worry about those. His coat would be last; it was already hanging by the door. His wallet was in his coat pocket from where he had gotten groceries. Distracted by the prospect of baking cookies, he had forgotten to take it out after removing his coat. Everything was accounted for in his mind except for one item: his keys, the single most important part of his mission.

_ I’ll worry about getting my wallet and coat later; I already know where they are. First things first, I gotta focus on finding my keys. _

Unable to slow his rapid momentum, Patton almost slammed into the doorframe in his haste. He managed to stop before his whole body made contact, but he did receive a grazing blow to his side that still ached from his earlier fall. Patton quickly recovered, though; the pain easily faded into the background like the aching of his feet. 

Quickly shouldering his bedroom door open as he entered, he flipped the light switch to illuminate his surroundings. Patton had to blink for a few moments to adjust his eyes to the much brighter overhead light in his bedroom. His pupils were nearly pinpricks in the flood of new light, to the point of a slight bit of pain, but they slowly grew the longer Patton was in the room. 

Covered in a plethora of plushies, Patton’s room was quite homey. The room was quite a vibrant, bright blue with pictures of various tiny animals on everything that could possibly have it. Patton’s bed covers were a gradient of light blue to white that he loved. He never got tired of blue; the color just spoke to him in a way none of the other colors did.

Pausing to think, Patton searched with his eyes around the room first. His first inclination was to scan the room left to right. But he had read something somewhere about how people noticed what they were looking for more when they went against that habit. So instead, Patton scanned from left to right, trying to jog his memory with where he had laid his keys.

Unfortunately, the tactic didn’t work. Patton couldn’t see his keys anywhere. He didn’t always bring his keys to his bedroom, but it was the first and farthest place he thought to look. 

_ Starting out and searching slowly in, it saves time… I think.  _ Patton frowned.

When he hadn’t seen his keys just by a glance, Patton began to search by hand. He launched into his search on the right just like he had done with only his eyes. Moving every item, Patton looked behind most of the things in his bedroom that he could.

Still no keys.

_ Maybe they aren’t here, I’m wasting time just searching one place. One of these times, I’m going to remember. It’s probably an obvious spot that will be the last place I look; it always is when I’m trying to find something like this. _

Patton gave the room one last look-over before he backed out into the hallway again. Though he didn’t think they would be there, Patton stuck his head quickly into the bathroom after darting down the hall to it. Luckily, the hallway light was above him, so he didn’t even have to turn on the light to look the tiny room over. 

There was always a possibility Patton had brought it in the bathroom without thinking about it. But Patton didn’t find anything in his quick scouring of the bathroom, so he moved on back towards the living room. It was then that Remus’s voice became audible from the living room.

“You found what you’re looking for? Please hurry!” Remus called out. 

The sound of something ripping came from the living room as Remus tore off a piece of gauze to soak up some of the blood from the child’s abdomen, as Patton observed in passing the entryway to get to the kitchen table.

Patton frantically searched the table. Some of his partners' things still littered it, waiting for when they got home to use them again. He searched under books and cups and anything he could think of before he slammed his hands down on the table as frustrated tears sprang to his eyes. Trying desperately to bite back a cry of frustration, a small sound managed to escape his lips.

“Patton, you okay in there?”

_ Oops, Remus was not supposed to hear that. But I can’t fail now! I have to find the keys soon! Why is everything that could be going wrong, going wrong? I- _

“Patton? Hello?”

_ Oh right, still haven’t answered him. _

Patton pushed himself back up from the kitchen table, making sure he kept his voice level when he replied.

“Oh sorry, just trying to find my kee-ys.”

Patton cringed at the crack in his voice despite his best attempt not to have it do so. He flexed his fists like he did when he burned his hand, now he didn’t even feel the burn, it was never anything to bad. But the movement helped Patton focus again, to help beat back the panic of not finding the keys and making Remus worry.

“Wait, your keys are on the coffee table, you know.”

Patton’s hands stopped flexing.

“Wait, they are?” Patton bolted back into the living room, where Remus was preparing to press down on the wound on the child’s stomach after wiping some of the blood away.

Arching his eyebrows in a silent question, Remus nodded toward the coffee table where sure enough, Patton’s keys rested. Patton stared dumbly at the keys, mouth gaped open. How he could’ve possibly missed that they were there?

Avoiding Remus’s probing eye contact, Patton hurriedly grabbed the keys from the coffee table. He stuffed them in his pocket with his phone before coming over to Remus’s side again. Patton continued to avoid eye contact, focusing in on the child instead and how pale they suddenly looked.

“Do I need to do anything yet?” Patton asked.

Remus’s gaze flickered down to Patton’s pajamaed form and then glanced at Patton’s coat. 

“Go put your coat on. We’re going to carry them out as quick as we can, so I need you clothed before we move them.” 

Wringing his hands, Patton nodded. He bounded over to his coat, but when he went to pluck it off the hook, it stubbornly hung onto the hanger. Patton nearly knocked everything off of it as he pulled his coat this way and that. After trying to do that, he finally just hooked his fingers under the coat and found where the coat was being snagged and then easily lifted it off the hanger.

Another snag Patton encountered was when he went to put his coat on. His sweater’s long sleeves bunched up at the elbow as he put the coat on. He was forced to pull his hands out before thrusting them back in; then he was able to slip his arms through  _ much _ more smoothly the second time.

Once it was on, he made sure to pat his coat pockets to make sure he did indeed have it. Patton breathed a deep sigh of relief when he did grasp the wallet in his left jacket pocket. Turning up the collar on his coat in preparation for the cold when he got outside, he stooped down to pull on his snow boots. Fortunately, putting on his boots proved to be the easiest feat he had to accomplish. Wiggling his toes, Patton adjusted his boots to make sure they were snug and comfortable before he then more clunkily made his way back to Remus.

Remus gazed up at Patton as he approached. His footsteps were much more audible than moments before, so Remus was able to anticipate his approach, evident by his gaze already pinning him down before he even got into Remus’s view.

“Okay, if you’re ready, I’m gonna have to stop this blood flow, but they're not gonna like it. You gotta help me make sure they don’t squirm too much, no matter how much they cry for me to stop okay?”

Patton winced at the thought of the pain they had to inflict to try to help this child, but he nodded, if but very hesitantly.

Patton’s wince didn’t escape Remus and he softly sighed, as if trying not to sound too angry.

“Promise me, Patton. I know you’ve got a lot of empathy up there in that brain of yours, but please, work with me even if they scream for it to stop. It’ll only be until we get to the hospital, alright?”

Patton’s eyes widened, a preemptive tear coming to his eyes as he nodded more vigorously.

“I promise, Remus. It’s like a disinfectant. Hurts but helps.” Patton tried to make his voice steady, but it shook despite his best effort.

Remus smiled thinly, but it didn’t last long. His face turned serious as he turned back to the child’s pale form and beckoned Patton over.

“You support his lower half, I’ll apply pressure and support his upper half until we get to the car and you can get in and drive us off.”

Patton interjected before Remus could start, “We’ll also need my crutches and the ice scraper for the windshield.”

Remus made direct eye contact and nodded.

“Okay, go get those quickly, once we’ve got them to the car then. You ready?.”

Turning to the child, Patton nodded.

“Get ready. 1, 2, 3!”

Remus pressed down on the child’s stomach, and Patton immediately understood why Remus had cautioned him not to panic at what Remus was going to do. The child almost instantly groaned, a fair number of creases appearing on their forehead as their face screwed up in pain. Patton fought hard to suppress the urge to tear Remus’s hand away from the child’s stomach.

Patton bit his lip as Remus looked over at Patton, and together they carefully lifted the child. Patton and Remus had some difficulty maneuvering around the coffee table, but they managed.

The child, however, began to whimper and sluggishly squirm against Remus’s hand creating pressure on their wound. Too weak to do anything much, the child’s hands flopped against Remus’s hand without much coordination. Other than the child being vaguely aware of where the pain was, they had barely enough focus or strength to nudge Remus’s hand. It honestly broke Patton’s heart… again. If only Patton could take all this child’s pain away, he would in a heartbeat.

Slowly, they inched their way to the door. It’s much slower going than any of them would’ve preferred, but it was as fast as they could go without hurting the child more than they were already hurt by acting carelessly.

Remus got to the door first. He gestured with his head for Patton to move around to open the door; Patton was the only one of them who had a free hand to spare for the time being. Shuffling around to be closer to the door, Patton obliged Remus. He tried not to drop the child as he removed his right hand from under the child, but the child was genuinely so light that the weight distribution didn’t make much of a difference.

Patton opened the door with one hand and shouldered the door open the rest of the way behind himself so he didn’t have to use his hand to continue to open the door. Testing something while Remus wasn’t paying much attention to him, Patton slowly let go of the child's leg. He watched to see any strain on Remus’s face, but there was none even as Patton fully removed his hand.

It wasn’t until Remus stepped forward, looking down at the child’s legs and then over to Patton that Remus was aware the weight distribution had changed. Glancing between the child and Patton, Remus frowned for a moment before he spoke aloud.

“Oh, I suppose this child’s lighter than I thought. That’s… not good. But...”

Remus gazed back to Patton, who was still standing beside him gaping down at the child’s utter lack of weight. His eyebrows drew together slightly as his eyes narrowed.

“What are you doing just standing there? Go get your crutches and the ice scraper. I’ve got them and I can take them the rest of the way to the car. Go!”

Patton jumped a little at the volume, but it was enough to startle him into movement. He sprinted the opposite way than Remus was back into the living room. He quickly grabbed his crutches, leaning against the couch arm like they had been since Patton put them there. 

Darting back to the door, Patton rested them near the door instead so that he could quickly get the ice scraper and get on down the road. Remus had probably gotten the child to the car 

There were two places it had to be: in a drawer in the study, or in the basket under everything. Patton deliberated only for a moment before he started to the closer one. The basket. He threw item after item of clothes and a few of his and his partners’ well-worn shoes behind him without caring too much where they landed in his haste.

But even after he threw item after item out of the basket, there was no sign of the ice scraper. It wasn’t until his hand came up with empty air as he had gone through every item that he was certain that the ice scraper wasn’t in there. That could only mean it was in the study at the back of the house.

_ Well, I gotta have it if I want to be able to see while I drive, so here goes nothing. _

Patton huffed softly as he pushed himself up from where he had been hunched over the basket. He darted rapidly down the hallway. He passed his own bedroom and his partners’, not even giving them a glance until he reached the study. 

Like his bedroom a few minutes before, he blinked in the sudden light of the room. Patton went to the first set of drawers that were more likely to have the item he needed and yanked it open, his eyes hopeful and his mouth slightly open in anticipation. His face dropped, however, when the only thing in the drawer was various pieces of paper decorated with notes and details of his and his partners' various projects they worked on, both together and for their own professions.

Snapping the first drawer shut, Patton pulled the second drawer under the first one open. The second drawer contained various writing supplies as well a couple of car air fresheners. That only spurred Patton on as he slid the drawer closed again, holding his breath as he slid the third and the bottom most drawer open.

And there it was.

Patton inwardly celebrated as the drawer slid open and revealed not only the ice scraper he needed sitting there in the drawer, but various other seasonal tools such as a mini handheld fan and even a mini trowel. Only grabbing what he had come in there looking for, Patton didn’t close the drawer with his hands, instead straightening up first and nudging it closed with his foot. The drawer closed with a satisfying click and with that Patton was off back out the study’s door.

He flipped the lights off before he completely left the study. It was a waste to leave the light on when he wasn’t coming back for who knows how long. 

And with the ice scraper in hand, Patton ran back down the hall. However, his foot decided right then would be when everything caught up with it, and a large spike of pain shot through it. Thankfully, the sudden pain didn’t cause him to lose balance, but it did cause him to have to support himself for a moment on the hallway wall.

“Ow…” Patton whined softly, trying not to cry out in pain.

Gritting his teeth, he slowly moved off the wall and limped even as his foot sent pain through him with every step. Patton’s only saving grace was that the pain was rapidly fading, though it couldn’t come fast enough in Patton’s opinion.

Passing by the living room nearly ready to bolt out into the snow to join Remus, Patton caught something out of the corner of his eye that made him slow up.

The second cookie.

He hadn’t ever finished it when he had heard the sound outside the door, so it was just sitting there sadly, half eaten. 

_ Should- I can’t take too long, but I really don’t want to leave. Oh, who am I kidding? _

Making a sound that he doubted he could recreate even if he tried, Patton limped over quickly to the coffee table where the cookie was sat and nabbed it. Thankfully he still had the napkin, so he quickly was able to wrap it like the two other cookies and easily slip them into his coat pocket.

As quickly as he got over there, he instantly turned and hurried back to the door. Patton turned off the lights in the living room as he came to them. He had to leave the kitchen lights on as he truly couldn’t waste any more time before he got his crutches and slipped through the crack into the door into the cold winter air.

Despite his coat, Patton still shivered in the frigid air of the outside. He had the distinct compulsion to wrap something tighter around himself. But Patton had buttoned up his coat already and there was nothing to wrap tighter around him, so instead he gently rubbed his own arms as he made his way down the steps.

Looking up at the car, Patton expression momentarily screwed up in confusion. Remus was still outside of the car. He was holding the child tightly to himself while trying to still press on their wound at the same time. It wasn’t until Remus turned around at the soft sound of the front door firmly closing that it hit Patton.

He hadn’t unlocked the car door.

“Patton, the car doors are-” Remus called out to him.

“Locked? I just realized. Crap, crap, crap, crap.” Patton hastily fumbled for his keys, adjusting the ice scraper and the crutches in his arm to fish in his coat pocket for them. As Patton pulled them out, he pressed the unlock button due to years of muscle memory. 

Shoulders relaxing a little as he briskly walked towards the car, Patton sighed as he watched Remus open the car door with his fingertips and quickly eased the child into the back seat. They easily laid across the backseat, only taking up a little more than one lying down on the seat. All this gave Remus more than enough room to sit beside them in the last spare seat by the open door as he stretched out his hand to close it.

Even trudging through the almost three inch layer of snow on the grass portion of his walk, Patton made quick progress to the driver side door. Unfortunately, another complication in the already long series of unfortunate hangups occurred.

Before he attempted to get into the car, Patton wielded the ice scraper he had diligently retrieved from the house and set his crutches to the side once more. He swiped away the layer of pure snow on the windshield first. The powdery snow cascaded down the hood of the car and off the side of the windshield like a frozen yet mobile waterfall or a mini avalanche.

Once the snow was removed, Patton set about trying to apply the perfect amount of pressure that wouldn’t scratch or shatter the windshield, but would break up the ice. Starting to scrape the ice off rapidly, he found the sweet spot and set about clearing enough of the ice to see the road to safely drive.

It was entirely too long before Patton was satisfied with the amount of ice cleared away. He shook off the ice scraper as he picked up his crutches and stepped to the other side of the driver’s side door.

When Patton went to open the driver’s side door, though, the door didn’t budge. Frustrated tears sprang to Patton’s eyes for the third time that day as he tried again to tug the door open to the same failed result.

“Come on! Please! I just need one thing to work out right now! Time is of the essence! Now. Open. Up!” Patton accentuated his last few words with concurrent tugs on the door. 

To Patton’s great delight, the door finally gave way as he tugged the last time, opening with more force than normal due to the sharp tugs Patton had been making to dislodge the door from it’s icy prison. Patton breathed a tiny huff of relief as he righted himself from the slightly off balance stance he had from the sudden shifting of the door.

“That door gave you a lot of trouble, now come on!” Remus called from the backseat of the car.

“Yeah, I’m working on it!” Patton snipped back without too much bite. 

Slipping into the driver's seat with some slight difficulty due to how long his crutches were, Patton got into his car at breakneck speed and set his items aside. He produced the keys once more from his pocket and jammed them into the ignition with the swiftness of a coursing river as Li Shang from Disney’s Mulan sang.

Murmuring a quiet plea, Patton braced himself for failure as he turned the key in the ignition. However, he was pleasantly surprised to find the car easily turned over, the roaring of the engine sending pleasant jolts of surprise through Patton as he mouth slightly fell open.

_ Huh. That’s great, I didn’t even have to try again. _

Patton huffed in relief as he gripped the wheel in silent celebration. Going to depress the brake, Patton didn’t hesitate to attempt to slip the car into gear to begin his slow creeping backwards down the driveway. However, in his sudden haste he accidentally pressed the gas pedal instead, slowly revving the engine. 

Patton frowned as the sound of the engine grew louder until it hit him, his eyes widening and his cheeks tinging pink.

He was lucky Remus couldn’t see in the dim light or he would see Patton’s cheeks and his sheepish expression as Patton spoke.

“Oops, sorry, wrong pedal.” Patton said, trying not to sound too embarrassed.

“Yeah, yeah, you made a mistake. No need to dwell on it, please just go! There’s no time for apologies or formalities!” Remus raised his voice unapologetically, an edge of hardness but also of panic in his voice.

Patton’s cheeks only got hotter at Remus’s words. His stomach was tight and as was his chest. 

“Okay.” Patton said thickly, blinking a few times as he kept his gaze on the garage door.

This time, he made sure he was pressing the brake instead of the gas before he slipped the car finally into reverse. Patton prayed his blush was gone or that the lights were still too dim for Remus to properly discern his face when he turned around in his seat to reverse out of the driveway.

Bit by bit, Patton let up on the brake and held his breath as the car began to back down the slight hill the driveway was on. He could already tell as he bit his lip that the drive was going to be slower going than he wanted and very precarious.

Patton’s eyes flitted over to Remus, who wasn’t focusing on him, but was focused downwards on the child. That was where Patton’s eyes flickered to next, he couldn’t see all of the child as the headrest blocked a portion of his view. But of what he did see, the child had already gotten worse since the last time Patton had properly seen them.

Remus had a blood-soaked piece of gauze he was switching out for a new and fresh piece. The child was not going to last long if they bled that much in such a short amount of time. Laying mostly still, the child was no longer trashing against Remus’s hand as he pressed down on their wound. And that could’ve comforted Patton, but instead it just gave him a sinking sensation in his gut that he couldn’t quite place.

Patton shook his head a little like he was trying to clear it. 

He was getting distracted. He couldn’t get distracted. This was too important.

Patton winced as the car bounced as it backed down onto the main road. Opening his mouth, Patton nearly began to apologize for the harsh movement until the words Remus said came back to him.

‘There’s no time for apologies or formalities!’

_ Should I apologize? Did it- Wait! Can’t get distracted! Gotta drive. _

Patton pressed the brakes as fast as he dared to bring the car to a full stop in the proper spot in the road. Thankfully, he had angled the wheel to turn them properly on the road as the car had exited the driveway.

Shifting the car into drive, Patton slowly drove through the thick slush on the road towards the hospital. The slush ultimately made the road bumpy enough that Patton was again brought back to concern about the child in the back seat directly behind him, but Remus was also back there with them. Remus could tell him if he needed to slow down. Patton needn’t worry.

Patton and Remus in the car slowly rolled down the block in mutual silence. The incessant crunching sound of the snow underneath the car’s tires was the only backing track they had to the slow trek.

To remedy the lack of sound and the creeping awkwardness that came with it, Patton pushed the button to turn on the radio to turn it on. When both he and Remus jumped at the blasting sound of some drums, Patton immediately lunged for the volume dial. Biting back yet another apology to Remus, he turned the volume to the lowest setting.

Instead of apologizing, Patton glanced back to Remus. Remus was looking away as Patton’s focus shifted to him. His heart raced faster as Remus’s expression was stern but slowly turned to a deeper and deeper concern at Remus looked the child over. 

It wasn’t until an element of panic slipped into Remus’s expression that Patton’s heart  _ really _ began to race. 

Unfortunately, Patton had to tear his eyes from Remus as he had let his gaze wander for too long. Gratefully, when he turned back to the road, nothing was in his way and he hadn’t accidentally deviated too far across any of the lines he could only guess were there under the thin but obscuring layer of snowy slush on the road.

“Patton.” Patton’s hands tightened on the steering wheel with that one word from Remus. Remus’s voice was mostly steady, but near the end of his name, Remus’s voice wavered and nearly broke. Just that was enough to send ice down his veins, and not from the cold outside.

Only able to chance a glance in the mirror at him, Patton didn’t turn to face Remus. The ice-in-the-veins feeling in Patton only grew at what expression Remus’s face held in the rearview mirror.

Remus’s eyes were wide and his mouth was slowly opening, his lips parted.

“Y-Yes, Remus?”

Patton gulped, trying to swallow down the lump that formed in his throat.

“Go faster.”

Those two words sent chills down his spine (in addition to the ice in his veins). Remus sounded deadly serious.

Remus  _ never _ sounded serious.

And right now, Patton was not about to argue with him when they needed to get this child to the hospital as quickly as possible. But even so, Remus’s voice  _ stuck _ with Patton. It took a lot for Remus to be even slightly serious and Remus’s expression was devoid of anything but seriousness.

Patton’s pulse spiked at Remus’s tone as he turned the corner. They weren’t far from the hospital now, which Patton was grateful for. Luckily for the three of them, the hospital wasn’t far from Patton’s house, so they didn’t have too much longer to go. 

Knuckles turning white, Patton gripped the steering wheel in a death grip. They had to save him. 

_ GOD, I wish I could go faster in this weather! I just want to BE THERE so it’s not like both of us are waiting for something to go wrong. _

Having to fight the urge to place his head between his legs, Patton bit his lip hard enough to accidentally draw blood. The metallic taste of his own blood only further brought back the memory of the child’s front blooming with blood. 

Memories of the child’s cries when they weren’t aware of what was happening and their thrashing when Remus finally put pressure on their wound rewound itself like a tape and kept circling through Patton’s head.

_ Whoever you are and wherever you have been, my- my? ...my child, you won’t be hurt by whoever hurt you this way ever again. I vow it. A vow is a promise, and I always keep my promises.  _

Edging the car as fast he dared due to Remus’s insistence, Patton focused more on the road in front of him once more to bat away all of the thoughts that were threatening to overwhelm him. 

When Patton heard a low curse behind him, he nearly broke his neck in haste to low back at Remus. But the moment Patton looked back, he was met with Remus’s eyes. They were hard and something Patton did  _ not _ want to mess with.

Remus's eyes were a clear message:  _ Turn around and focus on driving, asshole. I’m dealing with too much to have you hounding me. _

If Remus were speaking aloud or if he had more clear evidence that Remus had cursed loud enough, Patton would have chastised him (at an appropriate time, mind you) on using such language and in front of an impressionable child nonetheless. Instead, he whipped his head back around at nearly the same breakneck speed and let his eyes again focus more on the features outside. 

Even after so many times he had tried, it proved fruitless to even continue to try to follow the outline of various shapes in the snow on the sides of the road or anything to distract himself. No matter how interesting or detailed the patterns the snow made in the distance, Remus’s curse gnawed at the back of his brain.

What had happened? Was the child even  _ more _ hurt than either of them thought? Had Remus uncovered an even  _ more _ hidden wound?

Patton bit his lip again despite the metallic taste still lingering in his mouth from his bitten lip. He was on the edge of verbally screaming or just  _ something _ to release the growing tension in his body and his mind. 

However, he didn’t have time to try as the sign for the hospital finally came into the view. It was still very distant, but that didn’t stop from Patton feeling like a man in the desert finding an oasis in the distance. Except luckily for Patton, unlike the thirsting man in the desert, this vision of relief was not a mirage fabricated by the mind. This was reality, not something fake or mental, a physical object that signaled the salvation of this child.

Caught in the pleasant haze of being within eyesight of the hospital, Patton jumped at Remus’s abrupt and harsh grip on Patton’s shoulder. Just the tight grip alone increased Patton’s heart rate again, but what came next would nearly stop it.

He didn’t turn around, his eyes not leaving the road. Patton had learned not to turn around to face Remus, so he didn’t turn around. Remus appeared to wait for Patton to turn around, judging by his hand not moving on Patton’s shoulder. 

When Patton continued to face forwards, Remus took the initiative and leaned forwards towards Patton and whispered in his ear: “Fast and Furious, now.”

Patton’s eyes widened, his grip somehow becoming even tighter on the steering wheel. His foot pressed the gas as Patton had seen at least one of the movies from the franchise, though which one he had no clue, but Remus’s message was obvious. Also, the name was self explanatory,  _ Fast _ and Furious. 

If Remus needed ‘Fast and Furious’, ‘Fast and Furious’ was what he was going to get.

Patton pressed down the pedal even more, the engine revving faster and faster as Patton pushed the car far beyond his comfortable speed in the wintery and snowy weather.

His vision tunneled into just the hospital sign as he pushed the car to its snowy limits. Patton had to let up on the gas only a little bit when the car started to fishtail a little bit, but other than that he really raced down the road as fast as he could.

Slowing down only at the last minute, Patton yanked the wheel to turn into the hospital parking lot. His heart was jumping in his chest, but whether it was from the excitement of getting there or the stress from having to drive all the way there, there was no way to tell.

Patton gasped softly. The hospital parking lot had been salted, so the hospital was virtually clear of snow, which meant Patton could go at whatever speed he liked.

He wasted no time in navigating down the path, bypassing each exit into the parking lot for a much better route, the emergency lane of the front of the hospital. Patton nearly swerved into a pillar of the overhang over the entrance in his hurry, but he corrected the mistake before the car made contact. 

No, he didn’t care if what he was doing was illegal. They had to get this child help as quickly as possible, and only in this instance was Patton a little more willing to break the law if he had to.

As soon as he was nearing a stop, Patton heard Remus’s door open as Remus hastily prepared to rush the child into the building. Patton threw the car into park as fast as he could, opening the door and jumping out to assist Remus. 

Remus had already gotten his medical bag back on his shoulder and was in the process of picking the child up when Patton came around to assist. Seeing Remus had his bases mostly covered, Patton resorted to propping the door open for him and supporting the child a little where he could. Remus carefully picked the child up in a half bridal carry while still pressing that constant pressure on their abdomen.

Once Remus had a proper hold, he immediately bolted for the doors. Patton was close behind, having to close and lock the doors in his frantic state. 

The automatic doors opened swiftly in anticipation for Remus and Patton, slowly easing closed with a relaxed slowness that was nowhere near the panic of the two running through them.

Distracted by something on her desk for a brief moment, the woman at the front desk started with a “How may I help you?” before looking up and her eyes went wide in recognition.

“Huh, Remus, you’re a little earl- Wait, is that-”

Remus interrupted her as he ran past the desk.

“Ava, Code Blue! Code Blue! They’re bleeding out!”

Ava’s eyes widened and she pushed a button, bringing the phone in front of her to her ear. “Code Blue coming from the front. Dr. uh, Remus, he- just find Remus!”

Ava slammed the phone down as Patton started to run past her; Patton skidded to a stop just past the desk.

“Whoa, where are you going? You aren’t authorized medical personnel.”

Patton waved his hands and gestured down the hall towards Remus.

“I- I’m with Remus, he-”

Ava interrupted him.

“Oh, you must be Patton? Remus has mentioned you once or twice.”

Patton nodded curtly, ready to bolt down the hallway when he could.

“Can I follow Remus back there?”

Ava smiled sadly, her eyes conveying all the apologies her lips couldn’t.

“Unfortunately no, not unless you are related to the patient or you have some kind of medical degree?”

Patton opened his sharply, ready to lie and say anything to get him back there to make sure he could be with the child. But just as he began to shape his first word, he stopped.

It was true, he wasn’t a medical professional. If he got back there, what would he even  _ do? _ He wasn’t a surgeon, he couldn’t just go in there and  _ watch. _ This… was a benched trial for him, Patton supposed.

He snapped his mouth shut before he opened it again, speaking the truth instead of basing his first interaction with Ava on lies. Patton’s words came out much more calm and sad than before, his shoulders slumping as he dropped eye contact.

“No. I’ll… just be in the waiting room then I guess.”

Walking a little bit back towards the waiting room, Patton stopped before turning back to Ava, who was looking at him as he retreated with sympathetic eyes.

“Can… can you tell Remus where I am or notify me if he asks for me? I’ll… be here.”

“I will, Patton. You can count on me.” Ava nodded, her eyes still open and sympathetic.

And with that, he went over into the waiting room where there were only two or three other people.

Patton sat down, his legs suddenly wobbling uncontrollably just as he reached the seat. But even in the comfy cushions of the seat, Patton could not even hope to get comfortable. Placing his head between his legs like he so desperately wanted to in the car, Patton finally let himself cry openly for this child and their uncertain fate.


	4. All You Go On Is Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Janus come back to a surprisingly empty house, with no sign of Patton anywhere They investigate and find some... evidence of what happened.

“Ahem.”

Roman cleared his throat as he and Janus sat in the driveway in front of their home, having turned the car off already. Janus turned to him from the passenger seat, patiently waiting for Roman to speak his piece without a word.

“You… think he’ll be okay with us being back so early? The last time we came home early he was sick with worry because he thought we hadn’t gotten the job and he had to hear us say it a couple of times before he believed us.” Roman bit his thumb nervously.

“He’ll be fine, Roman. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, alright? For now, let’s get out of this freezing car and into the house.” 

Roman brought his thumb quickly down from his mouth, a grin spreading across his face.

“Let me go first though!” Roman exclaimed as he threw open the door of the car.

“When have I never let you go first?” Janus smirked over at Roman.

Roman glanced at Janus in his periphery. “Oh… plenty of times.”

 _Slam!_ _Slam!_

The thudding of the car doors in the driveway echoed through the brisk morning air of the neighborhood. 

Janus chuckled as Roman sprinted around the side of the car to get in front of Janus, but as they walked up the path, Janus managed to keep pace. They had a quiet competition to see who could get to the door first as they conversed.

“Name one.”

“I’ll...I’ll think about it…”

“Figures.” Janus huffed, but by the fact that his smirk was still in place, he was more amused by the banter than he let on verbally.

Just before the door, Roman managed to slip ahead of Janus, triumphantly puffing his chest out in silent victory. He had bested the goal of being the first inside when they actually got inside.

Janus just rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as Roman fumbled for his keys.

Roman stuck out his tongue at Janus in response, but became too distracted to see if Janus responded with another gesture as he found the correct key and slid it in the lock. Pausing for a moment, Roman swung back to Janus, placing a finger to his lips.

Janus didn’t react. He had been with Roman enough that he knew he couldn’t stop Roman when he was like this. Janus had said as much one time, in fact.

Roman finally pounced.

“Patton! We are back from our glorious adventure in the great wide somewhere a little earlier than expected! I hope you were not too lonely in our absence!” Roman’s boisterous and deep voice announced loudly as he suddenly flung the door open in an attempt to surprise Patton.

But just beyond the doorway, there was… no one. That was expected, though, Patton wouldn’t just be standing at the door randomly.

A gust of wind blew past Roman and Janus into the house, and if either of them weren’t bundled up like they were, they would’ve been shivering in the wind.

Roman held his arms outstretched and hovered for a little too long, as if he was anticipating a hug to knock them over as soon as they opened the door despite his attempt to surprise Patton.

But when none came, he cleared their throat again from behind his pair of almost comically big sunglasses and repeated himself.

“I hope you were not too lonely in our absence, Patton!” Roman waited a bit longer after his second declaration. His face was unreadable in the stark shadow made from the light behind him, washing out any of the details of his face in the bright light.

Eventually he finally dropped his hands and peeked inside curiously. 

“Patton?”

When Janus spoke up, his voice was much smoother, likely a consequence of attempting to lower his voice. Whereas the Roman’s voice was unapologetically loud, energetic, and on the verge of being grating, Janus’s voice had become the consistency of melted chocolate or the sensation of silk upon one’s skin. His voice was one someone could listen to without picking up anything that was said, just getting lost in his voice alone.

“Roman, he’s probably still asleep, it’s still early.” Janus soothed Roman, who was bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet.

“But he-” Roman turned back to him and began to interject before Janus interrupted him.

“He could’ve overslept them, Roman. When have you known Patton to wake up on time on a non-work day even _with_ his alarms?” 

It was if Roman had telepathically transmitted the conclusion of the sentence to him. Which Roman _hadn’t,_ and he actually wanted to finish his statement, but _ce la vie,_ he guessed.

Janus arched an eyebrow. His tone issued a silent challenge. In response, Roman finally deflated from his previously overconfident posture, chest and shoulders pushed out subconsciously. Roman’s chest drooped down instead, his shoulders curling in as his expression turned into something that was vaguely sheepish.

“Okay, Janus, you got me. I wasn’t thinking of his schedule.”

An awkward pause.

 _“Anyways,_ let’s get these coats off so we can make something to eat, I’m _starving_.” Roman said as he finally stepped through the door, licking his blood red-colored lipstick lips already in anticipation.

“You and your _food_ ,” Janus replied with a roll of his eyes as he followed behind Roman. “I swear if you didn’t have different fashion senses and _he_ never refused to shave his mustache, I would have trouble telling you apart from _him_ . Of course, until you start reciting poetry and _he_ starts making inappropriate innuendos, that is.” 

Though Janus's words were apparently meant to be carefully teasing by his tone, Roman’s blood red smile instantly dropped. Janus stood still in a moment of comprehension and slammed his hand over his mouth, eyes going wide.

“I- I’m sorry, I didn’t-” It was Janus’s turn to be cut off by Roman’s short warning tone.

“ _Don’t._ ” 

Mentally daring Janus to push it, Roman glared at him for an extended moment, but Janus didn’t take the bait.

Janus snapped his mouth shut, turning his eyes away from Roman in another apology, this one silent. 

Hiding his face, Janus stepped away from Roman and started to slowly and silently unbutton his thick, yellow patchwork winter coat. 

Roman had a coal burning in his stomach, a burning feeling of anger that scorched his stomach. But he had nowhere to vent it, so it all came out on Janus. All the smoldering feelings he could never properly address until they met again. 

It wasn’t until Roman looked back at Janus’s ‘pained and hiding it badly’ expression that Janus’s cool expression doused the flames progressively rising up his throat. Roman bit his lip.

_Crap, that was a bit too harsh. He didn’t do anything to warrant that. He did go a bit too far with the comment, but I had no right to snap back like that. He was already apologizing! I’m a dunce._

Roman’s sharp expression full of furrowed brows and downturned frowns all at once softened into wide eyed and round mouthed gentleness. Wanting to remedy the situation he had gotten them into, Roman stretched out his hand to Janus’s back. Roman didn’t want to spook Janus, so instead he gently spoke.

“Wait… Jan.”

Having his winter coat already nearly off, Janus paused. His coat was peeled away to reveal Janus’s attire of a yellow slip-on jacket over a black long sleeve shirt and a pair of densely patterned flowy pants that were mostly a deep sort of purple. He turned slowly back to Roman, as if Roman was an animal about to pounce or something. 

Roman’s stomach clenched when he saw Janus’s eye trained on the ground and his shoulders hunched forward, this was a far cry from his usually suave and confident Janus. 

_Dang it! I made him feel that way! How can I make this up to him? We’re both a bunch of clueless a-holes, I guess._

“No, you’re… F- Crap, I didn’t mean to do that. It’s okay, Janus. I know you didn’t mean to be mean, you’re okay. I… I acted without thinking because I was angry and I’m sorry for that. I shouldn't have lashed out when you were clearly sorry and I-”

Roman was interrupted in his ramble by a warm, lithe hand suddenly pressing against his, mind malfunctioning at the simple touch. His breath hitched as Roman blinked down where Janus had interlocked their fingers. 

Lightly flexing his hand in the grip, Roman gazed down at their hands with awe before raising his eyes back to Janus’s. Roman’s breath was nearly taken away again as he didn’t see any scorn or anything that he thought he deserved directed at him, not even the same regret he knew was shining in his eyes. Instead, he saw graciousness and forgiveness in Janus’s eyes. Janus’s face was open and gentle, like they hadn’t just been at odds moments ago.

His mind was just a whirlwind of emotions, everything coming together in a blend that was completely unpleasant in his stomach.

“Uh…” Roman breathed out, hoping the crack in his voice wasn’t _too_ noticeable.

Keeping their fingers interlocked, Janus’s face finally dropped back into its natural smirk as Janus pushed lightly on Roman’s chest playfully. 

“Oh honey, please don’t tell me you’re speechless just because I forgave you. _Certainly_ that’s not the reason, right?’ Janus flashed a knowing look as he finally shed his coat with his remaining free hand. The movement pulled at Roman’s hand, but he was still dazed from everything that had just happened that he barely registered the movement.

“N- uh, no, that’s not the reason because I’m not speechless. See? This is me speaking right now, not speechless.” Roman said, a slight heat falling over his cheeks. 

Roman hoped desperately on the stars above that his face wasn’t as red as he thought it was.

“Ah, so the man does have a voice! What a discovery! Let us see if he uses it again!” Janus gasped melodramatically. 

Janus placed his free hand under his chin in mock anticipation of Roman’s next words. Roman huffed, crossing his arms despite the traitorous smile threatening to bloom on his lips.

“Come on, Janus. The bit is over, it’s time to stop.”

Lighting up in pretend excitement as he opened his mouth, Janus ignored him in favor of continuing the bit. Roman pouted and turned away almost like a toddler as Janus was clearly going to continue whether or not Roman was onboard.

“Oh, he’s a feisty talker, this one. Will he… continue…to….”

Abruptly dropping the act, Janus trailed off, something catching his attention from the corner of his eye. Janus’s grip on Roman’s hand tightened into what could almost be described as a death grip. Whatever it was was behind Roman, though, so he had to turn a complete one hundred and eighty degrees to face what had caught Janus’s attention in the general direction of the kitchen.

At first he didn’t observe anything out of the ordinary about the kitchen, everything was immaculate save for the edge of the tupperware boxes that signaled Patton had been boredom baking again. It always tickled Roman to come back to a kitchen full of cookies whenever they had to be gone for more than a day at a time. But that was certainly not what Janus was concerned about, it didn’t click until he blinked multiple times to see anything new that it struck him.

The kitchen light was still on.

Roman’s grip tightened on Janus’s hand as an acknowledgement he had noticed as well.

He looked back at Janus, who led Roman by the hand over to the light switch slowly, neither of them speaking a word until Janus silently flipped the switch and plunged the kitchen into only the dim light streaming through the windows. 

It was only then that Roman finally spoke up.

“He… never leaves the kitchen light on. You… you think he’s sick?” Roman asked, turned to Janus, who had an unreadable expression on his face. Janus was silent for a lot longer, and part of Roman wanted to joke back at Janus cause their roles were reversed, but the sudden hollow sensation in Roman’s stomach gave him reason not to.

“Whatever it is, something’s wrong. You think we should go and wake him?” Janus said.

Roman pursed his lips in thought.

“Well, at the very least we should check up on him. See if he looks like he needs anything before we jump the gauntlet here.” 

Despite Janus’s slowly revealed expression of concern, Janus’s mouth still came up in a smirk.

“And here I thought I was the one who was going to say that. You’re the Mr. Impulsive of our group, _I’m_ surprised you haven’t sprinted to his aid yet.”

 _You and me both_ , Roman sighed,

“For the last time, you know my name, Janus. And… well… don't know… something just feels… off about this.” Roman frowned, going to face the portion of the kitchen that continued past the dining table into the hallway.

“Definitely.” Janus echoed, shivering a little. That had his attention. Roman turned his head back to Janus, keeping his body facing the same way.

“You’re cold, Janus?” Roman asked. 

Roman raised an eyebrow at Janus as Janus rubbed his arms a little, grimacing.

“Yeah. Are you sure you closed the door?” 

Roman opened his mouth to say he had, but his mouth stayed open in a gape as the memories of the last 5 minutes flitted through his mind.

Roman had been in the car, then opening the door and doing his dramatic bit, then scowling at Janus, making up, then noticing the light and then he was here facing the hallway with Janus.

And at no point did he, or Janus for that matter, close the door. 

Roman snapped his mouth shut, but made a point not to look embarrassed.

“No, but then again, neither did you.”

Janus arched an eyebrow much like Roman had just done to him moments before. Pursing his lips, Janus nodded slightly.

“Touche, Wroammin.” 

Roman narrowed his eyes and folded his arms at Janus. “I can _hear_ you misspelling my name. Don’t think I can’t.”

“I have _no_ idea what you’re talking about,.” Janus nonchalantly shrugged. “Now, can you please go shut the door so we can check on Patton?”

Bringing a hand coming up to clutch his chest, Roman gasped dramatically.

“Why should _I_ , the noble Roman Prince, be the one to close the door when _you_ were the one closer to it and _you_ didn’t close the door?” Roman crossed his hands in front of his chest again. “What do you have to say about _that_?”

Placing one of his hands on his hip, Janus dropped one of his shoulders, staring at Roman like he was dumb.

“Dude, you’re the one that still has your winter coat on. I’m cold over _here_ , how do you imagine the doorway feels like?” Janus replied somewhere between flatly and incredulously.

Roman’s gaze shot down to his outfit, which showed that indeed his blood red coat was still in place as well as his winter boots below that. Not even a button was undone. Roman’s mouth hung open a little.

“Oh.”

Janus wasn’t amused, judging by the steady frown on his face..

“‘Oh’ is right. Can you shut the door now? The temperature’s dropped more than your IQ.” Janus’s smirk was back, gesturing low to the ground to accentuate his words. “ _N_ ow. Before we go pounce on Patton to give him whatever care he needs, okay?”

Huffing, Roman rolled his eyes as he finally went to go close the front door. He nearly tripped over a stray glove beside the basket of gloves, picking it up so it was out of the way.

_Hmm… Patton’s usually good about picking those up… Something is definitely off._

Roman threw the stray glove in the basket as he stood back up. He got what Janus was talking about as he neared the door; even through his thick coat a slight chill came over him. Though maybe that was just because his face and hands were uncovered, but he didn’t really have proof one way or the other. Either way, he was cold even with the coat.

He quickly got to the door and shut it with a satisfying slide and click sound. Sighing in relief at the sudden warmth that flooded back into his limbs and torso as the door shut, Roman turned around and leaned against the door. But as he opened his eyes, still relishing the warmth, his vision revealed Janus standing in the crossroads of the front door, the kitchen, and the living room. 

Janus’s unamused frown was still heavily in place. Roman was thoroughly chastised with just the glance, Janus didn’t even have to say anything to get Roman to want to move again.

Still, Roman only begrudgingly pushed himself up from the doorway because Janus had looked at him like that. If it was Roman’s decision, he could’ve stayed there like that forever if he wanted, but he didn’t because _Janus_ was there and he didn’t want to disappoint _Janus_.

Roman grumbled as he walked a few strides and began to strip off his coat, but not before he had slid his gloves off his hand and placed them nearby for ease of taking off the rest of what he needed to take off.

Unlike Janus’s slightly more informal looking attire, Roman’s attire under his coat was fairly formal. He did have a layer of thick black leggings on for the winter weather. Over the leggings, however, he had a flowy black dress with thin shoulder straps and a slit down the middle to about halfway up that had a design of red flowers across it. 

But despite the dress's elegance, neither of the men made a comment on Roman’s ability to rock it as Roman shook the sleeves of his coat off his hands, still grumbling. Janus looked on, unimpressed.

When Roman had _finally_ released his hands from the mortal coil of his coat, Roman hung his coat beside Janus's dullish yellow patchwork coat. 

After shifting back to face Janus, Roman strutted to him with a sudden confidence likely brought on by the reminder of his outfit. He even threw a wink at Janus, which only garnered yet another eye roll from Janus as Roman sidled up to him. 

Roman smiled expectantly, but all Janus did when Roman came back was grunt and start to walk down the hall so they could both check on Patton. Trying to hide his disappointed look, Roman sprinted down the hallway for a moment to catch up with Janus.

“Janus, wait up! Why’d you start going without me?” Roman said, attempting and failing to hide the disappointment.

Janus didn’t respond verbally, but his eyes flickered to Roman’s before he raised a silent finger to his slightly grimacing lips. 

Getting Janus’s message loud and clear, Roman covered his mouth belatedly with his hand.

“Oh, sorry, I forgot Patton could still- no, _is_ asleep. But still, why’d you just leave me behind?” Roman whispered, still wanting Janus to inform him why he did what he did despite Janus’s lack of answer.

Remaining deathly silent, Janus ignored him with only a glance of consideration back in his direction.

Roman considered trying to get Janus to respond again, but he decided against it as they reached closer and closer to Patton’s bedroom. 

Mirroring the events from earlier, Roman brushed his hand up against Janus’s as he walked beside him, a silent request that was fulfilled when Janus reached out of his own accord and grasped Roman’s hand back. His gloves that he always wore around this time and rarely ever took off brushed against Roman’s palm, which he hadn’t completely registered earlier due to the influx of emotion that surrounded their previous gesture.

Their mutual handhold did get Janus to look a little longer back at Roman, which Roman silently declared a victory, if but just a small victory. But as with anything, the moment of connection didn’t last.

Both of them slowly let go of each other’s hands as they stopped in front of Patton’s door, analyzing the wood of the door. Neither of them _really_ wanted to just barge in and risk upsetting in any small way if they were mistaken that Patton was under the weather somehow.

But it was the knowledge that they had to check up on Patton _sometime_ even if neither of them wanted to that that pushed Roman’s hand forwards, the first to open the door.

Janus gazed down from the door to Roman’s hand, and then up to Roman’s eyes with a silent question to Roman.

_Do we really want to do this?_

In response, Roman simply nodded, forcing his expression into a more determined expression he wasn’t really experiencing.

Breathing a silent sigh, Janus looked back down then to Roman’s hand, squaring his shoulders in a similarly determined way that Roman thought mirrored his own false confidence. They were both resigned to accept whatever happened when they opened the door.

And so, Roman slowly twisted the doorknob, light pressing his body against it as he carefully eased the door open.

“Hey, Patton, you awake? We’re back early.” Roman whispered quietly. His eyes struggled to adjust to the light in Patton’s dim bedroom, only the light of the outside allowing them to see. Roman imagined Janus was having just as much trouble making out anything as Janus’s face scrunched in concentration beside him.

For the time being as their eyes adjusted, there was silence in the bedroom. 

A nervous laugh bubbled in Roman’s throat, but he swallowed it back down. Instead, he kept his voice low as he tried again.

“Patton? I’m sorry if we woke y...ou...we...ju…...st…” Roman trailed off as Patton’s dim bedroom ultimately came into focus around them.

Patton’s plushies and various items around the room resolved into being, the blue of his comforter was still a more dull gray looking as the light from the windows still weren’t enough to completely make everything light and vibrant like they should be. 

All of those things and yet...

Patton was nowhere to be seen.

There was a sinking feeling in Roman’s stomach as Roman traced and retraced the outline of Patton’s covers. He noted how the covers looked like they hadn’t been disturbed in a while as the door fully opened, lightly tapping the dresser nearby that was in it’s path by a small margin.

“Patton?” Roman asked one last time, even though with the evidence in front of his eyes told him it was pointless. Patton wasn’t in his bedroom.

Janus, on the other hand, appeared unable to speak. Roman had to look at Janus just to try to verify Janus was seeing what Roman was as well. And by Janus’s expression, he had glaring proof that what he was observing in Patton’s bedroom was indeed what was actually happening.

Eyes wide in what Roman assumed was shock, Janus had one of his gloved hands hovering over his mouth. His lips were parted a smidgen, as if Janus had tried to stop himself from speaking and fortunately succeeded.

Roman again took the initiative to speak, as Janus was in no position to do so at that moment.

“Jan, do you- is he-” Roman stumbled over his words, which might have been why Janus had refrained from speaking. However, Roman didn’t have too much time to think about that as his own stumbling over words at long last brought Janus out of whatever slight stupor he was in.

Janus dropped his hand down out from in front of his face, his voice shaking when he spoke.

“Roman, search the house. We… Let’s make sure he isn’t just somewhere. There’s a logical explanation for this. Both of us should try not to pan-ic.” Janus’s voice broke at his last word, an ironic humor to its timing. The slow panic rising up in Roman was audible in Janus’s words as well.

Glancing from the bedroom to the slowly more and more visible hallway, Roman stepped uncertainly backwards further into the hall. His own voice suddenly became as shaky as Janus’s.

“Yeah, I’ll… get the left, you get the right.” Roman said numbly, moving automatically towards the first room on the left before Janus’s firm grip stopped him. 

“What?” Roman asked, a tinge of frustration and anger in his voice as he was yanked slightly back. 

He immediately softened when he came face to face with Janus’s concerned face. And some or maybe most of that concern was for _him_.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not trying to hold us up, but we’re going to find him, alright? Even if he isn’t close right now, he will be.” Janus said, looking purposefully into Roman’s eyes with that soft expression of concern that just melted Roman’s anger and frustration and some of his worries away. 

Janus… always had a way of doing that to him.

Wiping his anger and worries away so that all that was left was… love. Just a simple love that made Roman want to hold Janus and never let him go. He would kill anyone who dared hurt Janus, that was for sure.

Smiling just as gently as the touch was, Janus placed a tender hand to Roman’s cheek. He ran his thumb lightly over Roman’s cheek, as if exploring every inch of his cheek.

Roman closed his eyes, leaning into the touch more and more, trying to drink up the comfort it brought.

Opening his eyes again, Roman smiled sadly, already looking around the corridor towards the end of the hallway. But he did look back in Janus’s eyes to respond.

“Okay, Janus. Let us go find him.” 

Janus ran his thumb one more time over Roman’s cheek, letting the moment stay a little bit longer, before ending the touch on Roman’s cheek and stepping back. 

“Alright Roman, see you back here.”

Roman leaned into the touch even as Janus withdrew it, his lips parting to protest the lack of touch, but he bit his lip to stop as they didn’t have too much time to do that if they wanted to find Patton.

Roman straightened his dress a bit as Janus stepped back down the hall, facing Roman for a moment before finally turning and walking to his first room in the hall. His expression was on the verge of unreadable, and what Roman could read wasn’t one cohesive message. Roman looked after Janus, smiling a bit lopsidedly as he was fairly wary of whatever Janus’s look meant, but he stayed focused and turned to check the first room on the left side of the hallway, walking back towards the living room to get to it.

Trying not to make too much noise despite the whispered conversation he and Janus had just had in the hallway nearby, Roman placed his hand silently on the doorknob. He took a few deep breaths in before he slowly opened the door. 

Cringing at the creak the door made when he opened it, Roman peeked his head into the similarly dim room. Like before, at first he didn’t see anything in the sudden darkness, but his eyes were much more quick to adjust to the light level this time. 

Once his eyes adjusted to the light in the room, he also found the room to be void of Patton or any sign that he had been there. It was then that something irked him, but Roman couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was bothering him at first.

Having searched everywhere in the room with only a skirting glance, Roman regretfully slipped the door closed just as silently as before, a creak of the door greeting his ears once more.

Roman moved quickly down to the next room, it was his own bedroom nearing the corner of the house. 

He had no clue what Patton would be doing alone in his room, but Roman had to check just on the off chance he was. 

It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility for Patton to be missing them and wanting to get closer to each of them through their room and their memories. Patton was always the more emotionally connected and empathetic of the three of them. That’s what Janus and Roman both adored about Patton; he would cry at little ducklings and puppies, at hallmark movies, and at little children. It was so very adorable.

Roman quickly brushed all of the confusion he had about why Patton could be there and instead focused on finding out if he actually _was_ there. 

This time when Roman opened the door, he was a little less gentle or attempting to be silent. And apparently every single door had the same idea that day as it creaked loudly also when Roman cracked it open.

Peering into his own room like he wasn’t someone who lived in the room for at least a third of the day on most days, Roman was already quickly bored of the routine of waiting for his eyes to adjust to the light and if Patton was truly asleep he would’ve awoken by now. So instead of waiting like before, he took the initiative to reach his hand into the room blindly to hit the light switch.

He blindly fumbled for a moment before his hand hit the light switch, flipping it on with a deft flick of his finger. 

Roman was momentarily disappointed to find in the stark illumination of his overhead light that Patton was again nowhere to be found. However, the moment didn’t last as he noticed something else.

Roman rarely ever made his bed, because his room wasn’t a performance where everything had to be wrinkle free. Why make your bed when the only person who is going to appreciate it being made is you? That was Roman’s methodology, at least. 

But when Roman glanced into his own room, he was struck with the fact that the bed was now fully made. The plushie that Patton had gifted him as a token of gratitude to putting up with him, his words, not Roman’s, was sitting on top of Roman’s folded blankets at the foot of the bed. It was as if the plushie was standing guard over the room, which Roman found to be adorably thoughtful for Patton. 

Roman smiled as he gazed down on the plushie. A warm feeling spread in his chest that beat the stress and panic of not finding Patton back just enough to give a little giggle at the dork Patton was for doing that.

_Oh Patton, you giant empathetic dork. You knew exactly what you were doing, didn’t you?_

Except… he hadn’t found Patton yet. That was still important, but the sight of the plushie helped Janus’s previous soothing sink in a little more into Roman’s mind: “We’re going to find him, alright? Even if he isn’t close right now, he will be.” 

Roman breathed in a deep breath in and out. In and out. In and out.

Everything was going to be okay, they would find Patton, wherever he was. Patton was close, even if he was physically farther away.

Finding the switch much easier this time as the light was on this time to guide him, Roman reached through the door again to shut off the light.

Once that was done, after Roman fumbled a bit getting his hand back out through the door, Roman stepped back from the door and turned to check the last room on his side of the hallway. Janus had already checked the last room judging by the door standing slightly ajar. However, Janus’s back was still visible in the study on the right side of the hallway.

Roman took a step down the hall before it hit him that Janus wasn’t moving. Janus was just standing there nearly in the hallway staring down at something in the study.

“Janus, did you find something? Is Patton in there?” Roman moved slowly to the door of the study, but Janus didn’t move to greet Roman or say anything. Janus only stood there, silent and not moving.

Janus only moved when Roman reached a hand to touch Janus’s back, causing Janus to jump at the sudden touch. He looked truly spooked when he turned around, his eyes going wide before he caught sight of who had actually touched him. 

Janus immediately relaxed, but not completely, his shoulders were still tense as his expression was weirdly pained.

“Janus? Is something wrong? Did you find Patton?” Roman asked. 

Trying to decipher Janus’s pensive expression, he tilted his head at Janus, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

Janus looked at the ground for a moment before he looked up at Roman, making eye contact with him as his parted.

“Roman I think he could’ve-” Janus swallowed like he had a lump in his throat. “He could’ve been taken. They… look-”

Janus stepped to the side to reveal the bottom drawer that rarely anyone ever opened was more than slightly ajar. The drawer was half open and clearly rummaged in and full of tools.

It took a few moments for Roman to connect the dots of what Janus meant. But once he connected the ajar drawer full of long thick utensils that some weighed almost a pound or two, it finally clicked what he meant. Roman’s hand flew to his mouth in realization and shock.

“You think?” 

Janus clasped his hands in front of him tight, his expression pressing his lips into a thin line.

“I think it’s the most obvious, because his car’s still in the driveway and yet we can’t find him. What else is there to think?”

Roman cursed under his breath, his panic slowly rising as he imagined all the ways Patton could’ve used a utensil from the drawer to beat back an intruder. They always started out successful, Roman getting a pang of pride everytime Patton swung the utensil in a way that intimidated them. But all too soon, each possibility ended in Patton shot or stabbed or drugged, all of them ended as Patton was drug through the front door, bleeding out or kicking and kicking and screaming into a gag as the door was slammed closed, hiding what the assailants did next.

“But before we panic too hard and do something rash, don’t touch anything, and find any sign of a forced entry or a struggle. It’s possible if this happened just before we got back, they left only moments before we came. And Patton could still be hiding somewhere hidden thinking we’re still the people who broke into the house.” Janus said, smoothing down the front of his outfit compulsively, a tell that meant he was likely trying to keep down his own panic. 

Roman opened his mouth to say something before hesitating. He wanted to just call the police and find out where Patton could’ve gone right then, but if Patton was in the house, it would be useless to do that for a missing person investigation. They would still need the authorities, but-

Roman’s eyes widened, gripping Janus’s shoulders tight. Roman needed to tell Janus.

“What if Patton called the police wherever he is and they’re on their way? We gotta find him if he’s here so he can explain-” 

Janus pressed a gloved finger to Roman’s lips to silence him, prying Roman’s hands off of him with his other hand.

“Roman, if he has a phone with him, can’t we just call him? And if that isn’t what happened, he can just explain what did. Again, we can’t let panic get the better of us. Deep breaths, Roman.”

Roman was suddenly very aware of how labored and fast his breathing was. His head was very light all of sudden, which meant he had been breathing very shallowly in what he now could discern was a bit too much panic.

Roman’s lungs begged for air, and Roman obliged them as he breathed in deep. However, he was already pulling out his phone out of Janus’s eyesight.

“In... hold it… out… In....” Janus coached Roman for a bit before he glanced down at Roman’s free hand. “Oh Roman, come on. We can do that later, we need you to breathe right now, okay?”

Yanking himself from Janus’s grip, Roman shook his head as he called Patton, pressing his phone against his ear. He walked as fast as he dared back down the hallway to escape the wrath of Janus’s self-care, of trying to get him to breathe. 

Roman didn’t need to breathe, he needed answers to what had happened to Patton.

“Roman!” Janus yelled after Roman, but Roman ignored him in favor of the rolling call tones coming from the phone. He craned his ears for any trace of a ringtone nearby as well. But as he walked from one end of the house to the other, Roman heard nothing but the sound of the call tones in his ear and the faint sounds in his ears of Janus’s pleas.

Roman’s heart jumped when he heard Patton’s voice, but as it continued, it hit him that it was just his voicemail message.

“Hey! Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now! I’m probably off petting cute puppies or spending some time with my partners. Leave a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can! I love you, whoever you are!”

Roman chuckled sadly into his phone at Patton’s voice, waiting until the beep to finally slow down in front of one of the front windows as he left a message for Patton.

“Hey Patton, I- We don’t know where you are right now, just know that you’re going to be okay. We're going to find you, I promise. I love… you...Patton.” Roman trailed off as something outside caught his eye, letting the voicemail go on a little bit in silence before he pressed the end call button on his phone.

He stared outside with wide eyes, turning back to the living room only to catch sight of Janus standing a little behind him as if he was going to talk to Roman. But instead Janus was gazing down at the couch.

“Roman.” 

“Janus.” 

Both of them spoke at the same time, the same amount of bewilderment and panic in their voices.

Janus looked up from where he was looking at the couch and Roman nodded at him silently to be the one to speak first. Janus swallowed again.

“Roman, there’s a blood stain on this blanket and the vase for the living room is broken in the trash. I think Patton’s hurt bad, because it’s _a lot_ of blood.”

Roman glanced down at where Janus had been looking. He found the stain easily with how it stood out on the blanket, like a crimson mark on the pristine white blanket. Patton’s afghan was also noticeably in the pile of blankets on the couch, which confused Roman a little, but it did make a little sense with what Roman was just noticing in the driveway.

Roman glanced back out the window, just to make sure he was seeing correctly before he turned back to Janus again, eyes wide as saucers.

“Janus, it isn’t Patton’s car that’s in the driveway beside ours. Come look.”

Janus’s eyes widened as he ran over to the other window, looking through the curtain at the car that _looked_ like Patton’s. Same kind of look, but it wasn’t exactly the same. The color of the car itself was darker and the interior wasn’t decorated in small plushies.

“That’s… Logan’s car. Which means it’s-”

Roman nodded. 

“Remus. Which makes sense, if Patton was injured and knew he couldn’t drive and knew that Remus could get him to the hospital faster. But if Remus was actually the one to hurt Patton i swear to all things holy that I’ll-”

“Listen to Patton first for what happened instead of jumping to the worst conclusion that could’ve happened.” Janus finished for Roman, his voice gentle even as he began to tug Roman’s tense and angry form towards the door.

Roman parted his lips to protest but instead let Janus guide him to the door by the hand. Instead, he spoke to the air, ignoring the roll of Janus’s eyes as he spoke.

“Hold on Patton, we’re coming.”


	5. Waking Up and You're Not There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton wakes up in the waiting room without meaning to fall asleep and battles with the fact that he let the child suffer when he could’ve helped. Luckily he’s not alone.

_ He was running. Feet slapping wetly against the uneven ground below him. _

_ Stumbling over a rock, his destination only drew further away as he struggled to regain his footing The dull pain of the scratches on his arms from countless falls against the sharp rocks was nothing compared to the overwhelming panic and his desperate need to get somewhere. _

_ He had to get there!  _

_ They needed him! _

_ “But where are they? Shouldn’t you know?” A voice intoned above him in an almost mocking sort of way, but he ignored it. What mattered was moving forward, he did know where he was going. Sort of. He only wished the path to get there was… more easy to navigate over.. _

_ A stream flowed by his feet down the rocky riverbank as he ran and he desperately fought to stay balanced even as the loose rocks slid out from under his feet. He couldn’t fall into the river. _

_ If he fell in he would never get to where he needed to go. _

_ So he had to keep going. _

_ “How long until you fall?” The voice spoke again, and it didn’t come from one place above him. It sounded as if the overcast sky itself was speaking to him.  _

_ He only gave the sky a glance as he registered the question. _

_ That was all it took. _

_ That one moment was all he needed to slip on a particularly slippery rock and careen dangerously off balance.  _

_ “Crap!” He cried out, flailing his arms wildly in a futile attempt to regain his balance.  _

_ But his attempts ultimately failed as his foot landed wrong on a slippery rock, the contortion sending bolts of agonizing pain up his left foot. He cried out as he braced for the pain of the jutting rocks of the riverbed and the splash of his head in the water. _

_ However, something grabbed onto his wrist just before he was certain he was about to hit the water.  _

_ Opening his eyes almost immediately, he looked back down the river from where he had come from. The flowing water was just hairbreaths away from his head. A jolt of fear traveled down his spine as he registered how close he still was to falling in. _

_ He did NOT want to fall in. _

_ Then he looked up at who had saved him. A hesitant smile spread on his face, the smile not completely reaching his eyes. Some indescribable emotion slipped behind his eyes instead. _

_ “It’s you.” _

_ The person who caught him squeezed his hand in response, not making direct eye contact with him at first. He squeezed the person’s hand back, and only then did his rescuer make eye contact with him. _

_ His rescuer still didn’t respond verbally, instead pulling him up away from the river. He breathed a sigh of relief as he hung loosely on his rescuer as he was tugged fully upright. Grabbing onto his rescuer’s elbow, his breath was shaky as he finally straightened his back up to a standing position. _

_ He never let go of his rescuer’s hand even after he was upright. Instead, he surged forward like he had been doing into a fierce hug with his rescuer. Burying his face into his rescuer’s shoulder, tears perked in his eyes. He clutched his rescuer tight until everything began to shift. _

_ His rescuer was turning both of them in the hold.  _

_Pulling back, he gazed into his rescuer’s eyes. His brow was furrowed in confusion as his rescuer continued to spin both of them. His rescuer didn’t look into his eyes again for a long moment. But when his rescuer did look into his eyes,_ _there were tears in his rescuer’s eyes too._

_ Lips parting in slight hesitation, his rescuer was visibly conflicted about something that was utterly lost on him. It wasn’t until the familiar sensation of off-balance rolled around his gut that it hit him. _

_ “I’m sorry.” His rescuer said as they both fell towards the river’s surface. He struggled in his rescuer’s grip, but it was already too late. Closing his eyes involuntarily once more, he waited yet again for the impact of the water’s wet embrace. _

_ No way to prevent it now. _

_ However, just before he hit the surface, the weight of his rescuer’s body pressed against his chest and arms vanished. Pushing his eyes open again at the last moment, he discovered that he was alone again as he fell towards the river’s surface. _

_ He had no time to react as his left shoulder hit the river first, the river behind him when he had run was swallowed up by water as the turbulent water hit him. _

_ Everything after that was a blur as he was tossed around a bit by the flowing current even before he fully slipped under. There was nothing to hold onto in the unforgiving, roaring current as it carried his body back up towards where the river came from despite the current flowing towards his destination instead. _

_ All he knew was that when his face finally went under, everything suddenly went… gray. _

-

Patton bolted upright in his seat. He immediately regretted his decision when his back (and really his whole left side) protested the sudden movement. Wincing at the sudden pain, Patton looked around where he was to find he was sitting in one of the chairs in a hospital waiting room. He nearly fell out of his chair in his panicked attempts to look around the room. The only thing keeping him steady and in his seat was the ironclad grip his hand had on the thicker part of the armrests.

Patton furrowed his eyebrows for a moment.

_ Why am I in her- _

Patton stiffened all at once. He ignored the pain that flared down his left side as he cut off his last thought with the stark realization of why he was here. The cookies- and then the door- and then they- and he-

_ The child. Where are they are they okay I need to know- _

Trying to draw in a breath past the rising panic in his throat, Patton bent over in his seat and clutched his stomach area despite his problem being his breathing. His lungs screamed for a long moment as Patton screwed his eyes shut.

_ Come on, Patton! Breathe! It’s gonna be okay. It’s okay… In… _

Patton breathed a deep breath in, holding it for a long moment even as his lungs were begged for air. 

_ Out.... _

Patton let his breathing even out slowly. No rushing it. Worse case scenario, someone would think he was asleep again and that was fine with him. He let his body relax as much as he could, every tiny muscle slowly relaxing in his body bit by bit. Patton was so close to being calm again.

“Are you okay, sir?” A voice startled Patton as he breathed out one last time, his mouth opening in surprise. In the process, he accidentally inhaled some of his own saliva. 

Coughing up one heck of a lung, he looked over in the general direction of where the voice came from and gave them a thumb up. Patton imagined his coughing wasn’t convincing them much, so he gestured vaguely to his mouth and his chest.

Between coughs, Patton attempted to assure the stranger he was fine, but even then his coughs took a solid 15 seconds to calm down to a point where he could reply.

“I’m-” Patton coughed. “I’m fine. You, uh caught me off guard there… uh… Ms...?”

The stranger smiled warmly, her hair naturally framing her face in an image that warmed Patton’s heart for a moment. She was a little older and didn’t have the best state of clothes;, her shirt was a little wrinkled and looked worn in for a day or two straight, but other than that she was very kind-looking. It looked like she had or was still going through a hectic time, which in a hospital wasn’t too far fetched.

“Oh, call me Pandora. Cause… well that’s my name.” Pandora smiled wider, but her eyebrows did draw together after a moment. “Are you sure you’re okay? You seemed a little alarmed, to say the least.”

Patton gently waved Pandora off, glancing over at the desk for any sign of Remus or the lady at the counter trying to get his attention. Unfortunately, there was no one.

“I’m fine. Just got a little too wrapped up in my own thoughts. Don’t want to open that  _ box _ here in public.”

She nodded for a moment before paying mid nod and squinting at Patton as if she were analyzing him bit by bit.

“Was…was that a pun?”

Patton couldn’t hold back his grin, letting his face blossom with it as his chest burst with pride. He flailed his hands a little as he spoke.

“Yeah. because of the myth, didn’t wanna not  _ let it out _ when I had the chance.” 

Angling his head in clear anticipation, he turned to watch for Pandora’s reaction, only to find she was gone from where she had been standing.

Looking around curiously, Patton found Pandora standing a few feet away, vaguely surprised. 

“Oh, wait, that was another pun? I’m sorry, I keep- I’m so sorry I keep thinking you’re done talking, I had checked to see if you were okay and you are by your own words so-”

Patton waved his hand nonchalantly in her direction.

“It’s fine. I’m done if you need to get back. Don’t let me keep you for long.” 

Pandora flashed that same gentle smile, if but more sheepishly this time before she nodded and padded back to her seat where a small pouch was leaning against the back of the seat. Patton returned the smile even though Pandora no longer had him in sight, it slowly fading as the reality slowly seeped back in.

_ Oh god. I can’t panic. But the child I- we have to- I-  _

Patton pressed a firm hand on his own chest as his breathing began to speed up again.

He had to get somewhere private he had to-

Whipping his head up with as much subtlety as he could muster, Patton’s eyes searched the waiting room. When his eyes fell upon the sign of the restroom, his heart leapt in excitement.

_ Yes! The restroom! I do need to go as well, so I won’t be going in there for completely no reason. Now… To subtly get there without it looking urgent. I don’t want anyone to- No, I can’t think about that right now. Just get there, Patton. _

Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Patton slowly got up, reaching for just one of his crutches as he wasn’t going far and he didn’t think he’d need the other. Plus, his hands were beginning to shake and focusing on using his crutches while that was going on was not something he wanted to worry about on top of everything else. He stuffed his free hand into his pockets to hide them.

Patton angled his crutch under his armpit and tried to move towards the other side of the room without drawing too much attention. It was as if thousands of eyes were watching Patton as he moved slowly across the room. The room was suddenly miles long and every step barely stretched anywhere to Patton. He just wanted to be alone for a bit; he didn’t want to distress anyone. Thankfully, he succeeded in getting across even though his legs ached as if he had just run a marathon instead of the barely a couple dozen feet it truly had been.

But Patton had made it, he was where he wanted.

A tight cord in his chest pulled taut as he reached for the door handle. 

_ Please be open. Please be open. Please be open. _

Patton’s gut cord snapped when he gripped the door handle and yanked it. 

The door didn’t budge, making an all too loud thumping sound as it did.

_ Fiddlesticks! It’s locked… _

As he side shuffled to the side of the door to wait for whoever was in there to finish, Patton huffed in exasperation. He pressed his face to the cool, smooth surface of the wall beside the bathroom. Against the surface, Patton let his expression finally fall from the neutral expression he couldn’t get to bend anymore upwards down to the slight grimace that his face had been trying to fall into ever since he had jolted awake.

_ I just want somewhere to be alone for a bit, PLEASE. Please just give me this one grace _ .

Patton snaked his hand up to the wall around where his head was, soaking in the sensation of the smoothness of the wall under his fingers. When he grew bored of that, he lightly drummed his fingers along the wall, moving his hand much less than before.

As he began to bore even of drumming his fingers, a flush came from within the bathroom. Patton’s back immediately straightened up at the sound. The person within was almost done. He peeled his face off the wall, causing Patton to cringe at the dull pain of his face where it still clung on after adhering to its surface from how long he had stood there against it.

Patton cradled his cheek subtly, his hand nearly supporting his head. He wanted the tingling pain to go away, but it lingered for a long couple of moments longer than he thought he could bear. 

The sound of the paper towel dispenser echoed strangely though the door. In the enclosed space, the echoes turned into the sounds of distant screams in Patton’s ears. Patton grimaced more as he screwed his eyes shut and rubbed them with his other hand. 

_ No. It’s just the dispenser, Patton. Just the dispenser. _

He couldn’t discern what he found unsettling about the sound, but in any case the sound brought chills down his spine and a fair bit of goosebumps down his arms. A dull pulse of pain forced his eyes open again, his nail having been digging into his forehead. 

Patton bit back yet another sigh as he let his hand fall from his forehead. It fell down to his side and hung bonelessly from his shoulder.

_ How long is this guy going to take? It’s been quite a while since I got here. Or at least… it feels like it’s been a while. _

As if on cue, the restroom door suddenly clicked and burst inwards like an implosion. Shakingly, Patton craned his neck towards the now-open door to check if the man inside was okay when he nearly had his glasses knocked off as the man blew through the doorway. 

Caught off guard, Patton overcompensated for the close call and shifted his weight away from the door a little too far. The unprecedented weight shift nearly sent him careening to the ground for what had to be the third or fourth time in the past twelve hours so far. His only saving grace was his instinctive grip on the door frame once he began to fall.

Patton caught a glimpse of the man’s face once he fully exited the bathroom as Patton recovered from his sudden rush of action. Clear confusion was written on the man’s face as he glanced at Patton. Patton hunched his shoulders forward as the man stared for a moment. The man’s gaze was like a magnifying glass on all of what Patton wanted to keep hidden and Patton didn’t like it. 

Not knowing anything better to do, Patton ignored the man’s glance as he painstakingly righted himself again, hoping it would just go away along with the feeling it gave Patton in his stomach. And the man’s glance did, but the slightly nauseous feeling in Patton’s stomach remained despite his best efforts.

Patton transferred his grip as he slowly rounded the doorway. He just managed to catch the edge of the door before it closed on his hand from where the man had opened it. 

Breathing in a deep breath before he was plunged into whatever kind of scent was in the bathroom to assault his nose, Patton nudged the door open slowly as he braved the tighter space. To Patton's relief, there wasn't any pungent smell that assaulted his nose as he shuffled into the bathroom. He eased the door closed behind him, not wanting the loud thudding sound it would make if he left it to close by itself to startle him.

Casting his singular crutch to the side into the corner of the small single person bathroom, Patton locked the door by the latch under the doorknob. He did  _ not _ want someone to accidentally walk in on him. 

After he had done that, Patton considered the bathroom intently. He had come in the bathroom to get away from prying eyes, but did he legitimately have to go to the bathroom or would he have to deceive anyone who came near that he was using it for its intended purpose?

A pang in his gut and his bladder when he focused on each one respectively told him it was thankfully the former. Patton had no desire to deceive others like that on a good day, so he was grateful for the legitimate excuse to be there.

Ignoring the slight blurriness of his eyes, Patton strode over the toilet with a purpose. After pulling down everything, he eased himself down on the toilet slowly, his left side still sending long lasting aches through him before he sighed as his weight was distributed back onto something else. Looking down at his underwear he sighed in relief even though he doubted he would've seen anything there.

As he sat there, ignoring the sounds from below him, he let himself finally really think about the last 12 hours. 

How had the previous night gone so bad so fast? 

Sure, the child being at all injured was a downer at least, but Patton didn't blame anything or anyone for that. But he  _ did _ find plenty of blame in how he hadn't found the child's more serious injury until it had already begun to bleed into the child's shirt and majorly stain the blanket. 

_ Why couldn’t I have looked harder? If I had been more observant then the child wouldn't have suffered so long and we could've gotten there faster and I... _

It took Patton's body beginning to shudder for Patton to register that he had been silently crying out into his hand as he became wrapped up in his thoughts. A single tear rolled down his cheek before Patton hastily wiped it away, having been done going to the bathroom for who knows how long as he came back to full awareness of his surroundings.

Patton quickly pulled his pants up and flushed the toilet, cringing at how loud the sound was, but raised the corners of his lips as he had actually come into the bathroom to do the proper thing instead of... what he had wanted to be in there for...

Clawing tightly onto the pristine, cool surface of the sink, Patton heaved himself in front of the sink and consequently the mirror that resided above it. Either the world was spinning around him or his left knee had suddenly given up on him from ache as he almost lost his balance during the weight transfer.

_ Why... why am I having so much trouble keeping my balance today? I'm not usually this clumsy, but.. _ .

Patton gritted his teeth as he refused to look up at his reflection in favor of glaring daggers at his incredibly warped reflection in the shiny sink instead. His eyes didn't dare raise above the barely reflective surface for fear of what he would find.

_ Maybe it's because I've been panicking for the last 12 hours on who knows how many hours of sleep... yeah... that's probably it. _

It was all Patton could do not to completely crumple to the floor as that thought had him suddenly plummeting to his knees. The pain as his knees hit the floor was muted as his eyes stared blankly down at the tile floor.

_ At least the pain wasn't too bad... that's good I guess.. _ .

No matter how much effort Patton put into it, he couldn't get himself to care about kneeling on the floor in front of the sink for the longest time. 

That was until his own hand subconsciously came up to his heart and the methodical thumping of heart became something like a heartbeat of Patton's determination. The thumping traveled almost like a current, bringing life to his limbs again as he slowly moved his finger on his chest in time with the pulsing. 

Patton blinked slowly, not aware of the last time he had even blinked as he once again brought his mind back to the present and away from whatever pit he had fallen into.

_ I... gotta get up... _

Slowly pushing himself back onto his feet, Patton looked down at his trembling hands and gritted his teeth as he balled them into fists instead, using them to leverage himself back up.

Straightening back up, Patton only hesitated a moment before turning his head up to take in his appearance properly. 

Patton winced. He even bit back a grimace as he propped himself slightly on the edge of the sink with his elbows.

_ Oh... _

Patton did not look his usual happy and immaculate self anymore. The first thing Patton noticed was how  _ tired _ he obviously looked. Bags like dark shadows bored into his face under his eyes, his brown eyes dulled from their usual sparkling appearance. They looked less like the glistening melted chocolate that Patton so loved in the cookies he made and more like the dull support wall of an abandoned school. 

The second thing that caught Patton's eye about himself was how his long auburn hair was beginning to frizz out from the straight ponytail he had placed it in who knows how long ago. It wasn't just that stray strand that was free to fall into Patton's face anymore, he had been unconsciously brushing back each new strand that fell into his face without a second thought. There were now a handful of strands that fell to the side of his glasses out of the way, but an ever looming liability to Patton’s vision.

Patton analyzed the third item of note, though it wasn't something that had completely escaped his notice as it was visible even without the mirror. It was his attire. He was still in that same fuzzy sweater and pajama pants. 

Struck with a thought, Patton patted his left side where he had slipped the two cookies in the festive napkin before he had apparently drifted off to sleep out of exhaustion. He had to be ready to go to the child at a moment's notice, no time to retrieve his coat if it wasn't with him. When the child was safe and recovering, perhaps then if he was called without it he could spare a thought to go retrieve it.

And the last thing he took was how  _ broken _ he looked, that dullness in his own eyes not just from lack of sleep, but also because there were countless thoughts that were telling him what he could've done better. If he had just noticed sooner, if he had just do that thing faster, if he had just cared-

Patton watched his own eyes fill with tears, his own reflection blurring through the tears that as time progressed threatened to spill down his cheeks in a torrent.

_ Why? Why? Why? _

However, the tears didn't get a chance to fall as a steady knocking behind him had him nearly slamming his forehead into the mirror in his startled state.

_ What? Oh... right. _

He was still in a public restroom, which others had to use and he wasn't using it anymore. 

_ How could I have forgotten that? Others are waiting on me and here I am in the restroom... wasting their time...Selfish... _

Sniffing as softly as he dared not to alert anyone outside to what he had been really doing, he pushed himself up from his elbows and turned on the faucet. Patton cringed when the hot water didn't immediately kick in and instead frigid water ran over his hands. 

The sensation brought flashes of a limp body in his arms, the cold skin of someone who had been out in the snow too long, turning their limbs stiff and blue-

Slapping his still sopping hand over his mouth, he abruptly muffled the cry that was ripped from his lips at the flashes of memory.

With an ironclad grip, he kept his hand tightly clamped down on his mouth. Patton blinked back any blurriness that was encroaching into his vision

_ No, I can't do this right now. People are waiting on me. I have to finish this up. _

Still, despite his mental assurance, Patton's body shuddered as the memory of how cold the child had been seeped into his own limbs. He struggled to keep his breathing down as his hand remained clamped over his mouth. Multiple chills ran up and down his spine before he got his breathing under control, his hand falling from his mouth when he looked down to see the tiny patches of dampness that had appeared on his chest from the dripping water of his hand... or was it tears?

No matter what made the damp patches, Patton stepped back to the sink where he had staggered a few steps back in his stark reaction to the flash of a memory from the night before. Shoving his hands under the considerably warmer water now that the sink had been flowing for a bit, Patton finished washing his hands. He continued to ignore the pesky thought as if he hadn't just nearly cried out in anguish at it.

Once he was done washing his hands and wiped enough of the dampness that had accumulated under his eyes away, he faced his next obstacle, the paper towel dispenser. 

Patton slowly approached it, shaking some of the water off his hands as he did so. He had already heard the sound it had made, but was he ready for it in all it's unmuffled glory?

Thrusting his hand under the sensor, Patton didn't give himself time to overthink the decision.

Miraculously, Patton  _ didn't _ jump three feet in the air when the dispenser activated that time. But as the sound of something so similar to the sound of screams down a long hall, his stomach rolled nauseatingly, and his throat dried up at record speed. The now-desert in Patton's throat forced Patton to swallow painfully despite the lack of any moisture.

The dispenser finally quieted after what, to Patton, was an eternity of sound. 

After that, Patton easily tore the paper towel from it and ran it over his progressively less and less damp hands. 

Having gotten through the most difficult part of the restroom ordeal, Patton gently tossed the now -damp piece of paper into the trashcan and picked up his crutch once more.

The journey  _ to  _ the bathroom door was a breeze as well. But when he flipped the lock and eased the door open slowly, the whole waiting room could see him again and it made the churning sensation in Patton's gut only grow in intensity. 

Patton let none of his face betray his inner turmoil, though. He hoped that the churning was only the consequence of his feelings and not a rapid onset of needing to actually throw up because he had just been in the place where he could do that more discreetly.

A small sigh was the only thing that passed through Patton's lips as he delicately passed the door off to the person who was waiting by the door, presumably the same person who had knocked on the door before. 

He and the stranger both nodded at each other in the mutual understanding only two people directly interacting as strangers had off of pure social norms. They both quickly looked away, both moving quickly past each other.

And just like that, the man stepped into the restroom to replace where Patton once had been. 

Meanwhile, Patton pushed off from the doorway and the oddly intimate interaction with a complete stranger and began to navigate across the lobby into the actual waiting room area. His feet scuffing on the tiled floor echoed loudly in his ears even though Patton was aware it was his mind that amplified the sound.

However, Patton didn't go too far before he was struck by a memory of when he came in. He had requested the woman at the front, her name was... Am- Ai- Ava, to tell him if Remus called for him... 

Maybe...

Patton slowed to a stop in the middle of the lobby. He suddenly cared a lot less about people staring at him as he stepped towards the counter. Granted, he was much, much calmer than when he had come into the hospital, but nonetheless Ava still turned towards him with the same sympathetic expression he hadn't even remembered he'd seen her make in his direction out of the corner of his eye.

Ava's lips rose in a soft, patient smile, laying some papers she had been shuffling down onto the lower counter on her side of it.

"Ah, Patton! I suppose you’re wondering if I've heard from Remus yet?"

Patton straightened his shoulders, attempting to look like he wasn't exhausted and worried sick in the back of his mind. He gave Ava a small smile back, despite how oddly strained it was to do. Usually a smile rarely ever left his face, but now...

"Yep... I'm..." Patton let his weak facade drop, the exhaustion in his body weighing him down as he let his shoulders drop again. He hunched over, much like he sometimes teased Virgil of always doing.

_ Hypocrite. _

He stifled a cringing flinch as that rogue thought rocketed through his brain.

"I'm... worried. It's been a few hot potato minutes since Remus went back there with the child." Patton chuckled, but even he could tell how weak the chuckle was in his ears. He wasn't at the top of his pun game at that moment.

However, Ava did let out a genuine chuckle or two at his silly wordplay, which did warm his heart a bit.

"I'm worried as well. I haven't heard from Remus since he went back, so I'm getting more and more tense about what happened with every call I get that _ isn't  _ him. Who... who was that he had in his arms? She- He- They looked  _ so young! _ I can't imagine going through that at their age." Ava looked up from her papers and looked eyes with pain. 

Patton's heart clenched as he saw the sadness and the empathy he was experiencing mirrored in her eyes. Despite the fact neither of them knew who this child was, they both ached for the pain the child had undergone and might still be suffering.

"I don't know... I- I found them on my doorstep, hypothermic, and they looked no older than four... and I didn't realize they had been... injured... stabbed... I don't know... in the stomach until Remus came over and I-"

Patton's voice broke as his breath hitched, his brain replaying the events as he recounted them verbally. He braced his free hand on the counter as he placed his hand on his mouth in an attempt to stifle the sobs threatening to spill out from his lips.

"Oh Patton... hey... um..." Ava distantly said. Patton was hearing everything as if it was from far away as he focused on not crying and making a big scene.

Everything was threatening to overwhelm him again.

He balled his hand into a fist on the counter and almost jumped back in surprise as a gentle hand was placed on his. 

"Patton, hey, honey... Focus on me. It's alright, they're going to be alright. We have some of the best doctors in the state, and they'll make sure they survive this. Okay?"

Patton forced himself to nod past the fog that had come over him. Ava’s voice still was coming to him as is in a fog, but the sound at least sounded a bit closer.

“Just breathe, okay? In and out. Slow, deep breaths.”

Struggling to do what Ava was saying, Patton bobbed his head, some small part of him concerned at how hard it was to complete that simple task. 

He forced his lungs to expand and contract, resisting the urge to breathe in too fast. It took many long moments of just standing there, focusing on his breathing, to finally come back to his body.

Immediately, his face flushed, as he had no idea how long he had been standing there with Ava just trying to control his breathing. He dropped his hand from his mouth, attempting to look nonchalant.

“Sorry…” Patton whispered, his eyes darting around him to catch if anyone had noticed what had happened, but it seemed only the other person manning the desk was even in earshot. Everyone was absorbed in their own little worlds and no one was sparing a glance in his direction. That was… good.

Facing back to Ava, Patton met her eyes once again and caught that same sympathetic gaze again, but this time there was a thread of concern in it. Because of him. 

“It’s okay. It is normal to be overwhelmed, honey. Don’t apologize. No one’s going to judge you if you cry,” Ava squeezed Patton’s hand comfortingly. “Lord knows this place is one of the few places where no one’s going to think less about you if you cry. So don’t worry about expressing your feelings sweetie.”

Patton tried to swallow, but a sudden lump in his throat made it hard to do so as he nearly cried for a completely different reason.

“Thank- Thank you.”

Ava smiled more warmly this time, “No problem sweetie. Are you okay to go back? I’ll be right here to notify you if I hear any word from Remus, alright?”

Managing a half-hearted smile, Patton nodded.

“Okay, th- thank you again.”

Ava’s smile was vaguely amused as she nodded back. She brought her hand back from Patton’s to allow him to go back to where he had been. Watching Patton adjust himself as his crutch had slipped a little, Ava made no comment. Patton swore this woman had endless patience.

_ Just like Lo. He’s always… well,  _ **_usually_ ** _ patient. _

A genuine smile teased at Patton’s lips as he set off towards where he had left his coat on the chair.

Except, he barely made it halfway before a familiar color streak caught his eye. 

Turning to the hospital entrance, Patton slowed as he slowly made out the streaks of red and yellow that rapidly coalesced into the image of his two partners.

_ Wait, what are they doing back so early and how did they know-? _

“Patton!” Roman shouted as he ran through the automatic doors and caught sight of Patton standing in the middle of the lobby. His expression flitted through a myriad of emotions too fast for Patton to distinguish between. Roman’s brow furrowed and eyes widened as he beckoned to Janus behind him and pointed to Patton as thought Janus hadn’t already noticed and caught sight of Patton himself.

Janus appeared just as worried as Roman. But instead of his expression flowing freely like Roman’s, his eyes flowed up and down Patton, investigating every inch of him. It was the same kind of investigation Janus had done whenever he had hurt himself or put himself in danger.

Rooted to the spot, Patton stared dumbly at both of his partners as they both ran up to him and began to talk over each other in an incomprehensible jumble of panic.

“Where were-”

“-thought you had-”

“-blood on the sheet-”

“-so worried that you had-”

Patton's head spun as their voices overlapped each other, he couldn’t focus on what either of them were saying as a result. 

Fortunately, the moment Patton raised up his hand in an attempt to silence them, it worked. Both of their voices tapered off into silence. They waited for Patton to speak.

However, it was that moment that the whole waiting room heard a clatter and the three of them collectively turned to see a haggard-looking Remus stumbling into the lobby. He was supporting himself on the wall, but when he made eye contact with Patton he pushed himself off of the wall, wobbling dangerously as he did.

“Patton.”

That was all Remus managed before his eyes rolled back and he collapsed to the floor of the lobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The text in italics is a dream.


	6. Trembling Hands and Pale Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has done as best as he could for the child. Now he has to get back to Patton to show him what happened. And perhaps... he was feeling a guilty for leaving Patton hanging. Perhaps.

The smell of hospital cleaner invaded Remus's nose and spread through his senses. The more Remus breathed it in, the more Remus was filled with the stench of cleanliness.

Pretty soon it was as if his very blood was full of cleaner, and Remus grimaced at the sickeningly clean sensation that it reminded him of. He only suffered through being clean when he had to sterilize between treating patients when their lives and his job were potentially on the line. 

He was a bastard, not an idiot.

And that was when he remembered he actually had a face… and a job.

It should’ve been odd that he had forgotten he had a face, but right now his  _ clean _ senses were telling him to try to create a new mess by evicting the contents of his stomach. Or maybe that was just because of the smell and how it turned his stomach into a tumultuous sea of stomach acid rolling around his gut. 

Remus’s face, what he could feel of it at the moment at least, turned to a very slight smile at the absurdity of how he was disgusted with cleanliness and satisfied with being dirty. To others he might have been absurd for  _ desiring  _ to be unhygienic, but he was Remus, and Remus could do whatever he wanted with his dislike of cleaning products because _ fuck  _ societal standards of hygiene. 

Hygiene was optional, just like anything else.

With that, Remus’s nose full of cleaner smell finally gave him a different sensation, the sensation of something against his nose. A  _ physical  _ sensation.

That was new… ish…

Remus sniffed, the physical sensation of his nose expanded to (for some reason) bring in more of the scent around Remus. The movement created a tingling sensation down his face, like a thousand bugs were crawling in a wave down Remus’s body. In their wake, Remus was finally able to take stock of his body and where his limbs were where moments before the feeling was distant to him at best.

Having sensation down most of his body, he eventually deduced that he was at least standing, which was a feat considering whatever state he was just in. 

His forehead was resting on something smooth and as he was able to peel his eyes open for the first time since… whenever he had closed them.

Staring at a blank wall, Remus’s eyes threatened to close once again as 10 pound weights felt as if they were strapped to them.

This fogginess and lack of memories was growing old quick. Remus just wanted to remember and get on with it, but it was like he had a worm in his brain sucking out all of his most recent memories.

Except the worm had missed one memory, and Remus latched onto it like a man possessed as a grip on his arm tightened and he slowly registered it was his own grip on his arm.

A crystal clear memory broke through the fog, the image of a child with their front soaked in blood and his own hands pressing down on the wound. It nearly sent him reeling, but the memory led to others in his head. Patton opening the door, him walking up to the child and then panicking and rushing about to get the child to the car and then…

The memories of what happened after that crashed down all at once, everything blurring together until Remus found himself…

There.

Remus blinked away the memories as the direct realization he had left Patton in the waiting room to worry chilled his limbs. Memories of pranks some would say are cruel flitted through his mind only for a moment. This wasn’t one of his jokes; this was one of the scarce times he had unintentionally fucked up and fucked up bad.

He had to get to Patton.

Before he even registered he was doing it, he lurched forwards off of the wall, surprisingly keeping on his feet even as the world swam slightly. It only struck him after a few steps that he had no idea if he was going the right way.

Even when Remus looked up at the overhead signs that told him where he was, the word turned to fuzzy white inchworm-looking shapes in front of his eyes instead. 

The signs were useless inchworm farms, he didn’t need them. He knew the hospital like the back of his hand. It didn’t matter that his hand was slowly turning into a fuzzy blob as well, he could still navigate the hospital. Hand or no hand.

He wasn’t one to be discouraged by a fuzzy hand, so he blinked a couple of times and the hallway he was in resolved just enough so that could tell he had actually been going the right way.

Starting up down the hallway again, he swore someone was talking to him, but that was lost in the fog that still pulled his limbs down. The fog was like physical gravity laid on every inch of his limbs and he wished it wouldn’t hang on him so heavily, but no matter how much he mentally pleaded with it, it just hung on him like a snake who had sunk its fangs into something. 

The voice that might have been talking to him grew quieter and quieter with every step Remus took, so he was confident he could get back to Patton without a hitch now.

Shambling down the hallway, Remus had the presence of mind to wonder what in the heck he looked like walking down the hall. Did he look like a zombie with his body nearly skin and bones, and the skin and flesh starting to peel? Or those zombies that looked human until they noticed you and attacked? 

Whatever he looked like, it was enough to warrant a few passing concerned looks from anyone who caught his glance. And if  _ they _ said anything, Remus again wasn’t paying enough attention to care about their words.

In any case, he ignored everything else that wasn’t important to continuing forwards and made his way in the twisting and turning halls back to the lobby.

_ Wonder how Patton had been holding up? Hope I haven’t left him in too dire of a strait. He is never too good about worrying. He’s even gotten me worried about him. Ha! If Roman were here, he’d never- _

Remus stopped in his tracks. His thoughts cut off as something became lodged in his throat and his vision grew blurrier once again. Fists clenching tight, he screwed his eyes shut to stop the blurriness once and for all.

He couldn’t do that, not now. Remus didn’t have to think about that if he didn’t want to.

Now, he just had to think about getting to Patton.

Breathing in past the tight lump in his throat, Remus opened his eyes. The world was swimming even more now, like a swimmer who was trying to get away from a ravenous shark that would tear them limb from limb if the shark got them. 

Remus was close, he had to be. But time seemed to stretch into infinity with each step he took, and it was starting to get on Remus’s nerves. He wanted to do something nice for Patton for once and time was being mean and not playing fair! 

A dull throb of pain alerted Remus to the fact that he had been digging his nails into his arms without meaning to. He looked down to see thin crescent moons dug into his arm, and one was even lightly filled in with a bright red moon of blood as well. Amusement teased his face, though for what reason he was amused even Remus was in the dark about it. Perhaps it was just the weight on his limbs talking, making him as delirious as a man in the desert finding an oasis that likely wasn’t there.

His ears suddenly perked up, the sounds of someone familiar filtering through the hallway out of what was a bigger, more echoey space. The lobby was just around the corner.

Taking his cue, he sped up his efforts forwards, ignoring the fact his limbs were dragging more and more heavily the closer he got to the sound. 

The sound changed as he pushed forwards faster and faster, but Remus wasn’t paying attention to that as he gripped the wall that had come up to greet him. Remus wasn’t in the mood for a chat with the wall, so he pushed himself off the wall only to stumble into a gurney that made him cringe at the clatter it made. 

Gurney forgotten the moment he looked away from it, Remus’s vision immediately zeroed in on Patton. There were other vaguely familiar people there, but Remus could only see Patton. 

Patton was tired, bags under his eyes and hair sticking out a bit, but he looked better than Remus had been worried he was doing. Remus’s heart jumped in joy and relief at the sight of him.

He desperately pushed himself away from the other wall that came to say hello to him. The world was angry and swam around him like a speedboat now, and Remus had only one thought in his mind.

“Patton.” Remus croaked, a vague surprise rising in him at how hoarse his voice was.

And then the floor abruptly came up to his face and tried to slap him.

It was very rude of the floor to do that to be frank, that was what ran through Remus’s head in that moment as his body crept closer and closer to the ground.

However, something stopped the floor’s hand in its swing as a pair of warm arms caught him. 

Had he been cold all this time? Remus had no clue, but he had warmth wrapped around him as consciousness began to flee further and further from him.

Words were uttered above him, but just like his trek down the hallway, the words weren’t important. Patton was okay, and  _ that  _ was what was important. 

Remus let go of the last thread of consciousness, content that Patton was okay.

That was until the sounds above him filtered back in, forcing themselves into Remus’s consciousness like a reverse alien chest burster.

“-mus. Remus! Please wake up! You… I can’t…” Remus’s stomach dropped as Patton’s voice entered his ears, on the verge of sobbing.

_ Fuck. Fucky sloppy fuck. _

Remus couldn’t leave Patton like this. He was worrying Patton again, the one thing he didn’t want. He… had to…

A ghost of a groan came from his lips as he forced himself to leap for the thread of consciousness, grabbing it as tight as a boa constrictor ready to devour its prey.

“Remus?” The disbelieving but hopeful sound of Patton above him had his hand squeezing a hand that was already in his. He was still awake damn it.

Putting more oomph in it this time, Remus parted his lips in a groan again. He had no clue what he was trying to say. Sorry? I’m awake? Poopy?

Whatever the case, he was able to part his eyes open as a surge of energy, probably from some good old adrenaline, swept through him. The shot of adrenaline even gave him enough strength to right himself a little, before that swimming world was back and forced him back on the ground again.

“Woah, hey Remus, you don’t have to get up just yet. You collapsed from what’s likely exhaustion. You feel really tired, right?”

Remus pursed his lips a little, his face scrunching up automatically as his ‘thinking face.’ 

Exhaustion? Was he exhausted? He… yeah, maybe? In any case, he was too tired to think too hard about it, so he nodded.

“Well before anything, we need to get you somewhere out of the way. Oh…” Patton’s voice grew quiet as Remus watched through cracked eyelids when he turned to someone he couldn’t see. “Can… we use this vacant stretcher? He’s just exhausted from everything this morning, from what I can tell, so he just needs it until he can get up again.”

A voice Remus recognized as Ava’s came from even further away, and though Remus couldn’t hear what exactly she said, Patton nodded and responded to her.

“Okay,” Patton looked down at Remus with a patient smile as he wrapped his arms more securely around Remus, the distant knowledge that Patton would’ve been the one who caught him finally registering in his brain. “Hey Remus, we’re going to get you on the stretcher okay? You’re not hurt from what we can tell, so we’re putting you on the stretcher because you don’t look like you’re in any state to walk.”

Remus would beg to disagree, but the feeling of multiple hands lifting him up prevented him from giving a proper rebuttal. He drifted a little as his body was lifted, the strange feeling of rising doing odd things to his sense of balance. Part of him found the addition of other hands odd, but that part of him was being smothered under the exhausted part of him.

He picked up a few words spoken around him here and there as the feeling of Patton’s hands gripping his returns. But the feeling that something was missing slowly spread through his gut as his mind drifted softly, he was oh so heavy and he just couldn’t keep his eyes open and something was probably wrong…

“What happened? I- we- We thought you-” A voice Remus knew he should know exactly who was speaking said, but it slid off of his groggy mind. He fought a little to stay awake, fighting the feeling pulling him down once again. Why couldn’t he decide whether he wanted to be awake or asleep? It was infuriating to say the least.

Whatever, it was just how it was at that moment.

Remus craned his ears to absently listen to what was said.

“Well, first things first, I’m fine. Please don’t worry. Second, try not to freak out or worry more about what I’m going to say.” Patton’s voice slowly edged into near panic, but a small squeeze from Remus on their clasped hands gave him pause. 

Managing to peel his eyes open a crack, Remus quirked the corner of his mouth at Patton. Patton, who had been looking at something out of Remus’s eyesight, smiled down at Remus gently. It was like Remus was sick and had woken up to someone caring for him when he thought he would deal with it alone. Except of course, he wasn’t sick, not with any ailment other than sleepiness, he hadn’t just woke up, unless he had slipped under and hadn’t noticed and… the last one was… technically true. Sort of.

Still, the sight was… comforting.

His body reacted without him, a sigh escaping his lips as Patton pushed back a single strand hair that had fallen into his face. Eyes slipping closed, Remus hummed softly as Patton’s hand retreated.

“It’s alright Remus, you can sleep if you want. You need it after working so hard, right?”

Had he worked hard? He didn’t remember, but with what he did remember he had to have worked hard, right?

Even though he didn’t completely believe it, Remus let his head bob up and down a few millimeters each way as his tongue was leagues heavier than it should’ve been. Patton was a lot smarter than him at the moment, so Remus took his judgement as what had likely happened instead.

Patton continued, thumb running over Remus’s distant knuckles. 

“Getting back to what happened, I had settled down on the couch with some hot chocolate as well as some cookies I had made,” Patton sounded apologetic about the cookies for some reason Remus couldn’t fathom. Cookies were cookies. What was wrong with that? “And that was when I heard a sound outside the front door. I thought at first it was someone trying to get in to rob the house and/or hurt me, so… I wasn’t prepared to see what was actually behind the door.”

Patton paused, and by his constricting grasp on Remus’s hand, he was likely trying not to cry. Remus hoped Patton had received Remus’s own squeeze in response, but if he did, he didn’t comment on it.

“I uh… had that vase that was in the living room as a weapon even though one of my crutches would’ve been a more solid thing to hit an intruder with, now that I think about it. In any case I uh, opened the door to face the ‘intruder’ only to find… a child on my front door step.”

Above Remus there were a couple of muted exhalations, like someone had been holding their breath for a long time. Patton didn’t slow down, though in fact he only just sped up.

“They had no coat, no gloves, and no shoes. Their limbs were nearly purple and blue from hypothermia and they were just  _ so small- _ ”

Patton's voice broke, jaggedly cutting off as Patton drew in a shuddering breath. Remus forced another hum, trying to sound as comforting as possible as he squeezed Patton’s hand as hard he dared. He hoped Patton got the message that he was trying to comfort him through the simple gesture.

In any case, Patton’s breathing slowly evened out again, his hand settling.

“I’m sorry… they… looked so young, like kindergarten or preschool at most and nearly a toddler at the least. I had to bring them inside, and I think I dropped the vase when I saw them? I… it’s still a bit of a blur.” Patton paused and gulped a little. “I… didn’t know exactly what to do at first, because I had no idea if I could just keep them at home because for all I knew the child could be okay without a hospital. So I uh… panicked a bit, I got my afghan cause they had likely been outside for long enough that they would need something incredibly thick and insulating to warm them up before. I didn’t even think to call Remus ‘cause he was a nurse until I don’t know how after and-”

Patton’s voice cuts off, and Remus was too out of it to do more than wonder why he had stopped and wait patiently for him to continue. He wasn’t crying, as Patton’s voice was relatively steady. After an amount of time that nearly bordered on concerning, Patton shifted slightly away from Remus, his hand nearly leaving Remus’s limp grasp.

Fluttering slightly, Remus’s hand nearly clawed at Patton’s arm before it hit Remus that Patton wasn’t fully pulling away, stopping just before Patton’s hand was out of Remus’s grasp. 

_ What’s… going on? Is… who… _

“Thank you. It’s just… hard…”

This time another voice that was much less familiar to Remus soothingly comforted Patton.

“Hey, no pressure, you can just give us a brief overview of what happened after that. I don’t want you to make yourself panic, okay? We don’t need to know everything right now. Tell us at your own pace alright?”

Patton’s hand bobbed in Remus’s grip, giving the impression Patton was nodding against something, whatever it actually was was beyond Remus.

As a tiny droplet of something fell onto Remus’s hand, Patton continued, his voice a bit more steady, if but a little smaller and quieter than before.

“Okay… uh… I....called Remus to come over and he of course came over. Together we found blood on the front of their shirt that I didn’t notice before and then we rushed the child to the hospital. I got stuck in the waiting room because I wasn’t a medical professional and I tried to stay awake for a bit in case Remus came back but I fell asleep at some point.”

“So Remus helped you?” The more familiar voice asked.

“Yeah, he is my friend, and he’s owed me a ton of favors by now and this for me expends all of them.”

A strange mix of emotion flows through Remus. His chest tightened, but there was a tiny spark of indignation in his gut as well and it all flowed together into a weird mire of confusion. 

At that point, Remus didn’t know why he was still awake. Patton had everything under control, even if there was something that didn’t completely add up, it was probably fine...

After that, everything got fuzzier and fuzzier, just as Remus was temptingly on the cusp of sleep that he had been so desperate for for the last… who knows how long. That was the moment when somehow every little thing he had missed fell into place like a giant thousand piece puzzle assembling itself and what was once a scattered mess in his head before finally came to make sense.

The collapsing in exhaustion, the hands of other people, the concerned tones of Patton’s voice, and the overwhelming feeling he was missing something super obvious and important. 

But the most important thing was… he recognized the voice that was talking to Patton. 

With that, he suddenly pounced on Patton, shifting his weight as fast he could to grip onto Patton, his slightly wrinkled shirt kneading under his grasp.

“Woah, Remus!” 

Remus held on for dear life to Patton as Patton also clung tightly back. Patton seemed afraid Remus would keel over again out of exhaustion, which could have been a possibility if not for Remus’s gaze searching his surroundings.

Looking through slitted eyes lids, Remus searched hard for who he had heard and quickly found him by his bright red coat.

Roman.

Roman was here.

He… Roman shouldn’t be there in the same room, not with him. With Patton, sure, Patton was his own person and could be in the same room with Roman, but not with Remus. 

Remus anticipated the same glare that always met him when he and Roman met face to face, but strangely there was none. Sure, Roman definitely didn’t look happy to see him as always, but he wasn’t scowling or anything like he usually did. In fact, Remus could dare say Roman looked… concerned?

“Wh- Wh-” Remus could barely speak, his words failing him as he looked back to Patton in confusion, but Patton was only looking at Remus in concern. Out of the corner of Remus’s eye, he saw that Janus was there as well, but that was merely a passing thought that quickly gave way to more confusion

“Hey, Remus. You don’t have to get up or talk, everything’s going to be taken care of. Alright?. Ava said she called for a doctor to talk about going to see the child as long as everyone followed the rules. But you look exhausted and I don’t want you to overexert yourself more than you have.”

And with that, the last key on Remus’s memories turned in the lock of his mind. What his exhausted mind had kept failing to remember and realize hit him at full force as the words soaked into him.

The child.

They were…

He had to show Patton. And fuck anyone if they tried to stop him.

Leaning forwards, Remus jumped haltingly off the bed, holding onto Patton for dear life as they both dangerously came close to falling over, but miraculously both of them managed to hold themselves so that neither fell.

Patton blinked in surprise, mouth opened to likely ask Remus what he was doing. But Remus wasted no time, he pulled on Patton’s arms firmly, leading Patton down the hall.

“Whoa Remus, did you hear what I said? I said a doctor was coming to escort us. I… Do you have the authority to even bring us? ‘Cause we are not their family and…”

If Patton said anything after that, Remus didn’t hear it as now he was intentionally tuning Patton’s words out because they were irrelevant. Patton had to see the child was okay so they had to go see the child  _ now _ . It was only logical. Not that Remus was an expert in logic, mind you.

All Remus was focused on was tugging Patton down the hall. A slow smile grew on Remus’s face as it became easier and easier to bring Patton along. 

_Patton gets to see them. He needs to see the child. Patton gets to see them. He needs to see the child._ _Patton gets to see them. He needs to see the child._

The words went in circles in Remus’s head. One morphed into the next in an endless loop with each step Remus took.

Now in reverse, Remus brought Patton down the same path he had stumbled down minutes before, his memories complete, though he didn’t have to think about those now.

Remus only slowed when the room the child was in was in his sights. 

Patton had fallen silent by then. He wasn’t even trying to pull out of Remus’s grasp anymore. Patton wanted to check on the child as much as Remus did.

Remus grasped the doorway tightly as he swayed slightly, but he half-pulled Patton into the doorway to let him see.

The child was on a hospital bed, and somehow they looked even smaller than before. Remus hadn’t noticed that. But they had all the standard workup; an IV, a heartbeat monitor. Under the swanky hospital gown they had on, Remus knew there were bandages over the wound in the child’s stomach that he knew had been from… something that Remus couldn’t think of. They were  _ so pale. _

Snapshots of the others’ expressions caught Remus’s eye, even as the fuzziness was closing in again. Patton covering his mouth as tears pricked at his eyes at the sight of the child. Roman’s expression flipping immediately from confused and concerned to concerned and some emotion Remus couldn’t place. And lastly, Janus’s curious expression becoming one of horror.

Remus had no clue what he looked like. His face was probably mostly blank, but happy. That’s what he was right then. 

Happy.

Now that Patton was here with the child, exhaustion swooped over Remus faster than ever before. He had done his job. He… had done a good job. Like Patton said, he… did… good….jo….

And like that, Remus’s world went finally, blissfully black.


	7. Getting (Some) Answers And Adding More Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus is completely thrown off at this point. He’s in a hospital with a child that his partner rescued and his partner is devastated. At this point, Janus just wants some fucking answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! There is a mention of injuries of a sexual nature in this chapter.

Janus stared, his mouth gaping open more and more with complete and under horror. He couldn’t force his mouth to even close. Even with the way Patton spoke about this child, Janus still couldn’t get over how small the child truly was. They were on a standard hospital bed, but they might as well have been on a king size bed with how the hospital bed made them look so small.

Skin deathly pale, Janus genuinely began to fear that at any moment the child would just make the machines hooked up to them go crazy and they would be booted out of the room. 

Wringing his hands, Janus tried to suppress the urge to hit something as all of the implications of Patton’s story finally crashed into him all at once. 

_Why? This… child… What despicable kind of person would do something like this?_

Thankfully he stifled the urge by transitioning to fiddling with his sleeves, running his fingers over it how he liked it to distract himself from getting too far down a rabbit hole. 

However, Roman was visibly shaking beside him, and it took a moment for Janus to discern why after looking up at Roman to see his fists were clenching and unclenching rapidly, which was Roman’s tell he was _mad_. 

_Whoa… He- I haven’t seen him this mad since the incident with those homophobes…_

Janus quickly stepped a bit closer to Roman, still fiddling with his sleeve in his open hand. With measured practice, Janus edged the side of his hand towards Roman’s.

He waited until Roman’s fists abruptly stopped moving to move, pushing his hand as best he could into Roman’s. If Roman couldn’t clench his hands and he had to focus on Janus instead, then he wouldn’t be mad, right? 

Janus was right in his thinking, forcing the corners of his mouth just slightly upwards as he hesitantly made eye contact with Roman. Roman’d eyes looked strange, but Janus had a hard time with reading eyes sometimes, so he wasn’t sure. 

Roman looked back at Janus curiously, eyes still a little strange before the corners of his mouth rose in a mirror of Janus’s little smile. Glancing down a moment, Roman’s eyes became familiar again, soft and what Janus interpreted as fond. Rolling his eyes, Roman wigged his fingers in Janus’s grasp.

No doubt this moment had reminded Roman of the moments in the house, where Roman had basically malfunctioned when Janus grabbed his hand.

He nearly smiled a little more, getting close to a real genuine smile, but a soft groan behind both of them had them both whipping around back to the doorway. Remus was sagging dangerously against the doorway and his knees were rapidly buckling under him. 

Eyes only opened barely a crack, Remus’s mouth moved in a ghost of a mumble before his legs completely gave out.

All three of the adults in the room surged towards Remus as he fell. With barely enough space in the doorway, Roman almost knocked Janus over as he tried to get through the doorway at the same time. However, Janus was able to duck and catch Remus’s lower half even with the slight mishap. 

Remus was completely limp as all three of them caught him. Janus’s arms strained to keep Remus’s legs in a position that held him up slightly while also being completely limp. The most important part wasn’t what he was in charge of, though.

Arranged like the stereotypical ‘peeking around’ the corner formation, each of them had some portion of Janus’ body held up. Janus was holding his lower legs, Roman was supporting his head, and Patton had one arm wrapped around his back and the other was over Remus’s heart.

Roman quickly helped adjust the weight of Remus evenly among them, which eased a bit of weight on Janus’s end.

Patton’s hand flitted over Remus’s chest, like he might have been checking for a pulse or something. 

“I knew I should’ve stopped him, but he seemed so concerned and… I-”

“Patton.” Roman gently interrupted Patton. Unable to utilize either of his hands, Janus smiled that slight smile he had before as Roman gave Patton that gentle look. Roman’s eyes were like the sleeves of Janus’s shirt, smooth and soft. 

Before Janus could think more down the path of other things that were also smooth and soft, Patton blurted out abruptly while attempting to make wild eye contact with Roman.

“I’m sorry Roman, I-” Patton cut himself off this time, looking down in a way Janus couldn’t see past Patton’s swathes of long, red hair. But through his next words, Janus had suspicions it was in some way sheepish. What sheep had to do with how a ‘sheepish’ expression usually looked, Janus had never quite gotten an answer on.

“I… shouldn’t apologize. He wanted to do something and if I resisted, it could've distressed him more. I can only wish he never has to work this fiddlesticking hard again.” 

Roman’s face went strange again, but even though it was unreadable, it was still undeniably soft. Roman’s adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed noticeably.

“Me- me too Pat,” Clearing his throat, Roman shifted Remus slightly, angling his head purposefully as he spoke. “Hey, I think we should move him. Even though we all have him, my arms are getting tired of holding him already.”

Janus and Patton nodded in unison, though Patton’s was a bit slower paced than Janus’s. 

“Okay, you go first Janus. We’ll sit him in one of the chairs.”

Having already nodded, Janus didn’t think he had to nod again before he began to help his partners carry Remus into the room. 

Even while they carried Remus, his body remained limp and completely pliable in their arms. There wasn’t a peep from him now that he was very firmly asleep. Janus could hear Patton’s breathing distinctly quicken as Remus’s hands freely swayed against Patton’s leg. 

Directing them as quickly as Janus dared, he swiveled a little. The space created allowed Roman to swing Remus’s upper body towards a specific chair. 

Lifting Remus’s head up a little, Roman gently assisted resting Remus’s back against the seat. Patton lingered far longer, his hand still firm on Remus’s heart like at any moment there wouldn’t be a pulse to feel. Easing Remus’s legs feather lightly to the ground, Janus was last to place Remus’s body in the chair, though Remus’s feet draped down to the floor anyways.

A few moments of stillness remained before Patton slowly but surely lifted his hand from Remus’s chest. When Janus caught a glimpse of his face from behind Patton’s auburn hair, he saw a furrowed brow and a glistening in Patton’s eyes that made his own brow follow suit.

Before Janus moved to try to comfort Patton, Patton’s eyes flicked back to the child. Something dropped in Patton’s face the second he did and he breezed past Janus without a second thought.

Janus would’ve been offended by the lack of consideration if he hadn’t already known Patton for a long time already. Turning to watch Patton go, Janus’s own brow softened like uncooked cinnamon rolls straight from the pillsbury doughboy can.

Kneeling beside the bed, Patton ran straight to the child’s side. His eyes were open as wide as the ocean and were slowly becoming just as wet as Patton went to grab the child’s hand reverently .

_Oh Patton, you’re too caring for your own good sometimes._

From the movement of the child’s hand and by extension their arm, the edge of a bandage suddenly poked out near the child’s armpit. 

Only Janus seemed to notice the presence of the bandage there at all though, his brow drawing together while Roman’s reaction or lack thereof deemed him oblivious. He elected not to comment on it, as it may have only upset Patton or Roman even more. 

Instead, he tugged on Roman’s arm, directing Roman towards one of the still open seats in the hospital room. Roman nodded silently, trodding over to the set of chairs with Janus beside him. 

They weren’t able to completely settle down though as a set of footsteps echoes from behind them, causing everyone to turn towards the source. 

For a moment, Janus was somehow surprised to see a doctor with the stereotypical doctor attire, a regular white lab coat on and a clipboard in hand. The surprise was, of course, fleeting as they were in a hospital and this child surely would have a doctor to treat them. 

Remus wasn’t a full-on doctor, and Patton had told Janus of some of the things they discussed when they met, that Remus much preferred being a nurse to a doctor as with being a nurse you get down and dirty more often. In that moment Janus had the realization that in some manner Janus had been thinking of Remus as a doctor and not a nurse. 

In any case, the doctor hesitated in the doorway at the sight of everyone in the room. Patton holding the child’s hand, Remus slumped in one of the chairs, and Janus and Roman holding hands in two of the other chairs. 

Prioritizing, the doctor turned back to Patton first, his expression stern but slightly pale at the sight of Patton.

“Um… sir? This child is fairly immunocompromised, so I would advise against touching him. He is still recovering from his injuries.” Patton immediately snatched hand back at that, staring down in muted horror at the danger of what he had been doing. 

But almost immediately Patton’s face went wide, this time in realization as he held the very edges of the child’s hand this time.

“I have thoroughly cleaned my hands just before getting here so I don’t think I’m a danger to him like this. Also, ‘he’? I personally didn’t want to assume and certainly didn’t want to check physically. Um… Have you-? Do you know who he is or where his parents are? Apologies if that is indeed confidential.” Patton said, ducking his head down for a moment.

The doctor, who’s tag on his coat showed his name was Dr. Kagan, glanced down at his chart for a moment and pursed his lips a little. A sigh leaking from Dr. Kagan’s lips, he looked back up, making eye contact with each of them. 

“I… suppose I can tell you. As long as that name doesn’t leave this room. Remus-” Dr. Kagan looked sternly at each one of them as everyone except Remus nodded in agreement and finally glanced over to where Remus was reclined back as he spoke his name. “-Is a hard working employee. Before he left to get all of you, he told me that you aren’t this boy’s family, but that you were good people. He told me that ‘Patton,’ who I would assume is you, young man.” Dr. Kagan gestured to Patton, indicating that he was talking to him and Patton nodded in confirmation. 

“He told me about how you had found this unfortunate child on your doorstep and- And I would be remiss not to provide some way to speak about this child. And if Remus trusts you, I know you’re good people.” 

Dr. Kagan accented his statement with a gentle smile at the three of them.

Janus glanced over at Roman, who had the strange expression on his face again, but it was much more intense this time. When Roman turned towards Janus, though, he gave Janus a small smile instead, the movement of his face uncovering for a moment what Janus could tell was a set of emotions even Roman couldn’t explain.

Returning Roman’s smile, Janus knew then he was going to try to get to the bottom of whatever was happening between them, and not in a completely gentle way. That wasn’t his usual thing, being gentle.

Dr. Kagan cleared his throat before continuing.

“We, uh, found a very faded name written into the collar of the boy’s previous clothes which we believe to be the boy’s name, but until the boy wakes up we can’t verify that that is his name. The name we think he has is ‘Thomas.’ There was no last name, just Thomas. We’ve contacted the proper authorities and given them that name as well, so again, let them do their investigation and refrain from revealing his name to others. Leaking a lost child’s name too soon or in certain ways can lead to false claims of parentage in certain rare cases, so the law tries not to reveal any names unless necessary.”

 _Thomas._

Janus let the name roll around in his mind, flattening some of the assumptions that he hadn’t even realized he had gathered about the child, as long hair still made him think this child had to have been a girl. 

Out of the corner of Janus’s eye, Patton was mouthing the name a few times, his eyes a bit glassy as he seemed to similarly take catalogue of Thomas’s name. After a moment, Patton shook himself off and flashed the Doctor a nearly genuine smile of gratitude.

“Okay, thank you for trusting us enough to tell us.”

Dr. Kagan mirrored back the same magnitude smile, with almost a similar amount of slight fakeness as Patton’s, a near perfect mirror.

“Don’t thank me, thank your friend Remus. By the way, there is another bed you can pull out from the wall over there in this room. I chose this room specifically because of that.”

Dr. Kagan pointed over to a certain panel on the wall where there was an outline of something each of them could now tell was bed shaped. 

“Oh, thank you. Dr. Kagan.”

Jumping slightly, Dr. Kagan started at his name, before glancing down at his own name tag on his coat and chuckling. He pressed a hearty hand to his chest as he left his laughter slightly wrack his form.

“Ah, my apologies, I never formally introduced myself. I am Dr. Kagan and I am his doctor at the moment. I… I must warn you so you do not get your hopes too high for Thomas to wake up. Thomas’s wounds were very serious and we don’t expect him to wake up for a while. His… state was much worse than… just getting lost in the cold and showing up on your doorstep, Patton.”

Patton nodded as Janus silently walked between them and tugged the bed the doctor had mentioned down to the lowest position, extending the legs that suddenly popped out when the bed dropped into place. The bed was surprisingly lighter than Janus anticipated it being and it wasn’t long before Janus was walking back over to get Remus.

Roman grabbed at his wrist when Janus approached Remus, but he was quick to exchange glances that silently asked Janus if he wanted Roman to be the one to carry Remus. Janus patted the side of Roman’s arm as he nodded, stepping towards Remus to gently pick him up. Making a small noise, Remus shifted when Janus’s hand came to rest on his torso in preparation to pick him up.

The doctor and Patton were still conversing in the meantime, almost completely ignoring the two of them silently having a conversation about Remus.

“I know. I have a strange feeling about the way Thomas reacted to me when he was almost conscious. I can’t tell if he heard my voice suddenly or what, but he reacted like I would hurt him. Like… maybe like he _knew_ I would hurt him.”

Janus was too busy with getting Remus to see the doctor’s face, but even the doctor’s tone gave him pause. Janus slowly picked up Remus into his arms, ears tuning back in to focus on what exactly was being said.

“Yes… I didn’t know if you would want to hear this, but there were less serious but more… _concerning_ injuries on this child’s body that leaves me…”

Dr. Kagan’s hands began to shake slightly out of the corner of Janus’s eye. Gently taking Remus’s sleeping form and placing it on the bed, Janus relaxed if but just a little when Remus’s own features relaxed into lax and more comfortable sleep.

“ _...very_ concerned.”

Janus brushed back some of Remus’s hair from his face before facing the doctor. Dr Kagan’s tone was concerning in itself.

“Concerning how?” Patton asked, his voice curious, but quieter than before.

Dr. Kagan again looked at all three of them in turn, his face deathly serious.

“I must get permission to tell each of you, as this news is very graphic and I want you to be warned before you hear it. They are… very disturbing in nature.”

Patton’s face paled considerably, his face a considerable few shades lighter than the rest of his body. But even with how pale his face was, he still nodded. 

A sense of dread fell over Janus as the implications of Dr. Kagan’s words sunk in. 

What could be so bad that Dr. Kagan felt inclined to ask them permission to say it?

Whatever it was certainly wasn’t good.

Having turned Dr. Kagan’s words end over end in his mind, Janus eventually nodded.

Roman must have responded to Dr. Kagan while Janus was distracted. Because Without turning to Roman, Dr. Kagan breathed in a deep breath, closing his eyes as if he was preparing himself to put to words whatever he was going to say next.

“Okay, okay. Um… we found evidence of some very concerning injuries around Thomas’s pelvic region. And… there was ample evidence of many injuries specifically on his butt. That… there was multiple instances of severe tearing on his butt.”

“You don’t mean-” Patton’s face had somehow gotten even whiter as the doctor’s explanation went on. His voice was strangled. “That Thomas has- That someone-”

Dr. Kagan nodded solemnly.

“Yes. There is evidence that Thomas had been seuxually assaulted on multiple occsaions as that is the action that aligns with the type of injury we have seen. As for the wound to his torso, that was a standard stab wound, though by Remus’s description of what happened, it is odd that you didn’t notice Thomas’s bleeding sooner.”

Paton stifled a wince that Dr. Kagan didn’t appear to notice, but Janus caught it at the right time to see it. Thankfully, Patton’s expression cleared, his eyes darting aimlessly to the left.

Janus replayed the words Dr. Kagan had said, the injuries around Thomas’s rear. Tearing and-

_Oh._

Janus watched as Roman’s hand rapidly tightened tight into fists. Clenching tighter and tighter, Roman’s fingers nearly went completely white with how tight Roman was clenching his fists. Stomach turning, Janus had to choke down the compulsion to throw up what little he had in his stomach at the thought of what had been done to Thomas. 

_Yes Roman, the bastards who did this to a child this young will_ **_pay._ **

“The child- Thomas was curled up when I found him and I almost immediately covered him in a blanket because his clothes weren’t completely wet. I had wanted to warm him up as quickly as possible. That’s how I didn’t notice it.”

Dr. Kagan nodded, face still solemn.

“That makes sense, in that position, the child could’ve been automatically putting pressure on it without meaning to and preventing blood from flowing freely.”

Roman suddenly stood up, his fists still clenched as his sides, but now they were shaking with how tightly he had them.

“Can- can we be notified when they find out who did this? I want to see those bast- who did this to him rot in jail for what they did.” Roman’s voice trembled with thinly veiled rage, but Dr. Kagan wasn’t particularly disturbed by the anger. What they could guess had happened

Frowning slightly, Dr. Kagan tapped his pen on his clipboard as he thought for a moment.

“Well, I am not a lawyer. But whenever the investigation finds anyone in connection to Thomas, Patton will definitely be a key witness, as he was the first to see the initial state Thomas was in and everything. But I can’t in good faith discuss anything more about this now as an investigation is already under way. I can say to be ready at some point today to answer some questions to the authorities on what happened.”

“Good, I want to see them behind bars for as long as they live.” Roman growled, his eyes falling to the floor as his dark expression bored holes into the linoleum.

Patton nodded at Dr. Kagan, his lips in a neutral line as something more polite than Roman’s scowl, but his anger was incredibly obvious once his eyes were visible. 

A rogue thought passed through Janus’s mind.

_How is Patton dealing with all of this? I- I don’t think I could ever be this put together if I found Thomas. Goddamn, I love him._

Janus nearly blushed at that thought, but at the moment, there were more serious things to still focus on.

Blinking, Janus watched flames of anger dance behind Patton’s eyes like a raging bonfire even as he still held Thomas’s hand with a gentle grasp. Patton’s free hand was clenched at his side as well, not nearly as hard as Roman’s, but any display of anger at all for Patton was saying something.

“Well, if that is all... Again, thank you for letting us stay in here even though we aren’t family.” Patton’s voice shook, perhaps not enough for Dr. Kagan to notice it, but Janus certainly did because he was Janus’s partner.

Dr. Kagan nodded back at Patton, tapping his pen on the side of his clipboard again.

“It is no trouble,” Dr. Kagan moved to exit the hospital room, but whipped around to face back towards where Remus was lying fast asleep. “When Remus wakes up, make sure to get him some food and water. The last thing we want is for him to get dehydrated and even more weak. Tell him he did a great job with Thomas. I rarely ever say that, so he’ll know I’m not saying it likely.”

“Okay.” Patton’s voice was nearly level then, with only a slight shake at the end of the word.

Dr. Kagan, for the third or fourth time in however long he had been in there, turned to each of them in turn before nodding one last time and waving politely as he exited the room. 

Instinctively waving back to Dr. Kagan, Janus stood facing the doorway as Dr. Kagan rounded the doorway and down the hall out of sight. For a moment or two, the residual ringing in Janus’s ears that he had barely noticed during everything that had just happened slowly dissipated as there was a lull in everyone’s interactions as Dr. Kagan had gone.

As Janus’s legs started to ache, Janus finally ripped himself from where he had been rooted to the spot by Remus for the last half of the conversation.

“He was nice.” Patton said halfheartedly. It contained none of Patton’s usual excitement or gusto, which pained Janus’s heart. A small squeezing sensation in his chest that had nothing to do with his actual physical heart really.

“Yeah, he was- quite the gentleman for what he was actually talking about.” Roman’s voice was strained, but had that same ‘trying to be normal again’ quality to it as Patton’s voice. It was a definite start for what they had just learned.

“Mhm.” Janus supplied, running a gentle thumb over Remus’s lax hand in an intimate gesture that strangely didn’t feel odd even though Janus had rarely interacted with Remus if at all. 

The moment was fleeting, however, and soon Janus was quickly stepping back towards his seat.

Only the sounds of his shoes on the floor and the heartbeat monitor were audible as everyone feel silent

Janus couldn’t hold in his sigh, though, as he sat down for the first time since he had run into the hospital. Everything had become a blur once he got to the hospital. Patton greeting them, Remus collapsing, coming to, and then eventually half-dragging half-stumbling to Thomas’s hospital room. 

However, something that had been stewing at the back of his mind that he only now had the wherewithal to address finally came to the forefront. Janus straightened his back despite how comfortable the pose was.

“Patton?” Janus kept his voice light, hoping it came across that way.

Thomas’s heart monitor beeping was the only response Janus got back. Patton didn’t move an inch from beside the bed.

“P-Patton? Hey… can I- Can we talk about something?” Janus raised his voice a little bit, but kept it as light as he could.

The raise in volume got Patton’s attention as he shifted. He questioningly hummed barely above a whisper as he locked eyes progressively with Janus. 

Hesitating a moment, Janus nearly dropped eye contact and wanted to just drop it and pretend like he didn’t ask. But Patton’s eyes were so open and Janus began to get that stomach feeling that signaled he was starting to feel guilty for making him wait, so he finally asked the question.

“It… might not be the time, but we have to go home at some point, Remus too,” Janus gulped, averting his eyes down to Patton’s chest so he didn’t have to deal with Patton’s expression. “I don’t want to- um, wait here for long. We all need some self care after last night and the best way would be at home. I don’t- I can’t-”

Janus wasn’t aware of how his hands were slowly coming up to cup his ears until everything was suddenly very loud. The heart monitor, his own breathing, the slight rustle of his clothes was just _wrong_ and _too much_ and _so loud.._ The sensation of Roman’s hands around one of his own was what finally snapped him out of his spiral.

Chest heaving, Janus screwed his eyes shut as he tried to focus on the sensations on his arms, his focus narrowing until the sounds around him were manageable again.

When he thought he was ready, he craned his neck back up from where he had begun to curl into himself and finally opened his eyes again. It was Roman’s arms on him. He had no idea how long he had been hyperaware, so he was surprised when Patton was in nearly the same spot he was in before, albeit much more concerned based on the amount of wrinkles on his forehead.

Patton’s expression shifted when Janus looked up and Janus had a pain in his heart for a moment before Patton’s careful voice soothed it back. 

“It’s okay JanJan. I understand. _I_ personally don’t want to leave this child for the time being, but I won’t stop you from going home.” Patton rested his hand on the arm rest of the seat beside Janus, unable to reach Janus without stretching. Raising a hand, Patton spoke as Janus opened his mouth to object. “And I know you’re going to tell me to use self-care, but right now, that’s the last thing I’m thinking about. I’ll give myself a break soon, I promise. But… I feel like this child- Thomas needs me. He was alone and hurt and-”

Patton’s breath hitched as his next word sounded like it was on the edge of breaking. 

Heart clenching painfully, Janus gripped Roman’s hand where Roman had snaked his hand down to his once again. It was actually becoming a little normal to hold hands for Janus. 

When he had a firm grip on Roman’s hand, he let himself follow the call of some mysterious compulsion forwards, lunging for Patton’s hand where it had been resting just out of reach. 

Of course, the fact the movement was such a spur of the moment action meant that Janus had little going for him, staying stable other than Roman’s grip on him. Even with that grip though, Janus nabbed Patton’s hand tightly and kept traveling forwards. Janus let out a high squeak at the moment he realized he wasn’t stopping; his hands gripped both of his partners hands tightly. 

To his vague surprise, his descent was stopped by his own elbow of all things, getting caught between the armrest. However, this meant that all of the force of falling was being forced into only Janus’s elbow. Janus cried out in pain as the angle and the force exerted on his elbow shot pain blindingly into basically his whole body. 

Despite the pain radiating through him, Janus managed to pull his elbow out of the gap and push himself back upright as Patton looked at him even more concerned and with more wrinkles in his forehead than a few moments ago.

“Are you okay Janus? That sounded and looked like it really hurt.” Roman asked as he placed a hand on Janus’s back to guide him back up into his chair properly. Janus cringed as he settled back down, deliberating on whether to tell him. When he caught Patton’s concerned gaze out of the corner of his eye, he chose to tell the truth.

“It definitely smarts right now, but I know it’ll subside soon. Just… give me a minute.” 

Roman’s hand rubbed Janus’s back slightly before it agonizingly retreated. Janus could sense the palpable amount of effort it took for Roman to stop comforting Janus. 

“Of course, whatever you need.”

Before he could psych himself out, he edged the side of hand onto Roman’s. He rolled his eyes exaggeratingly in Roman’s direction.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want you to touch me, _doofus_. I just need some time without having to actively interact with someone. Now grab my hand and shut up.”

In a strange mix of surprise and looking like he wanted to speak, Roman opened his mouth, moving it nearly closed a couple times for a long few moments. Seeing Roman’s expression, Janus finally understood what authors meant when they said someone ‘gaped their mouths opened and closed like a fish’ because Roman was the epitome of the image right then. 

“O-okay.” Roman said dumbly before nearly smacking himself in the nose with his hand. The action confused Janus before the very slight shine of Roman’s eyes clicked into place that Roman was upset he had said something when Janus had just told him not to.

Unfortunately, Janus wasn’t in the mood to speak any more. So instead of saying it, he showed Roman it was okay by squeezing Roman’s hand and pulling Roman a little towards him. 

Roman gasped as Janus pulled, facing Janus in a whole new bout of surprise on his cute face.

Janus quirked the edges of his mouth up, rolling his eyes as he squeezed Roman’s hand again. Watching with pride as Roman’s cheeks tinged a bit red at the gesture, Janus reveled in the image. 

They all stayed right there in near complete silence, Patton slowly focusing back in on just Thomas, turning his head sometimes to look back at Remus in concern.

Janus doubted any of them knew how long they sat there in silence. It was time to think and reflect. 

A groan from Remus startled everyone in the room except for Thomas after such a long stretch of silence. Janus turned to see Remus’s face very serious and brow furrowed in sleep. His eyelids were still firmly shut, but his eyes had begun to move back and forth behind his eyes.

Another groan escaped Remus’s lips before Remus’s mouth finally formed a coherent sound. Most of his words were unintelligible, but Janus could make out some

“No… gotta… have to…”

Squirming more and more, Remus’s demeanor went from vaguely confused or concerned to distressed in just a few seconds even as he was still mostly asleep. 

“Crrrrrr-ikey, he’s having a nightmare.” Janus muttered, opting for a different word to exclaim in lieu of Patton’s presence.

Quickly getting up, Janus rapidly strode over to Remus as Remus’s stress visibly mounted. He pulled back slightly when Remus made a particularly sudden squirm, nearly falling off the bed.

“Hurt… gotta… Thomas…” Remus muttered as Janus finally stood over him. The muscles in Remus’s neck rippled and shifted constantly as Remus clenched his jaw. Even that close, however, Remus was still too unconscious and too quiet for Janus to make much out of what else he was saying. 

Hand gently going to grab Remus cheek, Janus held his breath as he did what his heart was telling him to do.

At the moment Janus made contact, Remus’s movements stuttered slightly. Remus’s body automatically reacted to the touch, Remus’s face putting slightly more pressure on Janus’s hand as he unconsciously leaned into Janus’s touch. 

Janus’s face flamed hot as Remus appeared to settle down at Janus’s simple touch and his chest tightened once again, but this time it was less unpleasant than before. 

_I didn’t think that would work so well, hu-_

“No!” Remus suddenly screamed as he bolted straight up, swiveling his head wildly in a panic as he searched for something that had been in his head all along. Clutching his chest, Janus stumbled back as his heart nearly jumped out of his chest of fright.

“Where is- he was- Where is he?” Remus’s shrill voice hit Janus’s ears painfully, but it was manageable for now. Janus managed to barely flinch.

Hands fluttering aimlessly, Remus continued turning his head wildly until he faced over where Patton was sitting over Thomas, eyes open and unblinking staring back at Remus.

Attempting to grab Remus’s arm again as Remus had unintentionally wrenched his arm from Janus’s grip, Janus slowly stepped back towards Remus. However, Remus paid no mind to Janus as he launched himself over to the side of the bed.

Surprisingly, he launched himself at Patton. Janus had assumed Remus was worried about Thomas, knowing what had happened to him. In any case, Remus was a bit shy of knocking Patton completely over as he barreled into Patton. Patton’s eyes widened and stiffened just before impact and the force of Remus elicited a resounding yet breathless “Oof!” from Patton as well.

Shaking his head, Patton ran his hand up and down Remus’s back. Remus spoke, but it came out muffled against Patton’s chest. It was muffled enough that Janus had to step closer for the words to become understandable again.

“You’re okay. I’m so glad you're okay. I couldn’t get to you. I wanted to. I was so tired. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m _so_ fu-lipping sorry!” Remus shuddered against Patton’s chest and gripped the front of Patton’s sweater tight. It was like Remus feared if he let go for one moment that Patton would fade away.

Breath catching, Patton rubbed Remus’s back faster.

“He- hey! It’s alright. I am fine. You don’t have to apologize. You nearly hit your head on the ground when you tried to come even! I- _We_ would’ve been fine if you had just gotten a doctor to come get us. In fact, Dr. Kagan left not too long ago. You haven’t been out for long. In fact, you probably need to still rest.”

Janus’s throat ached as he watched Remus cling to Patton’s sweater, his head swinging back and forth in a shake of his head.

“No- I’m fine. You- you were sad and I- Wait, Dr. Kagan was here? And what do you mean by we? I-”

Remus pulled back suddenly, for the first time looking around to see Roman in the chair nearby and Janus standing near to where he had just been sleeping.

“Oh… yeah. Now I remember, you were there when I um… passed out. Hey uh- hey bro.” Remus stammered as he addressed his brother, his expression a little tense. Patton smiled, looking over at Roman. He seemed oblivious to Remus’s sudden testion, flashing Roman a smile as if Remus was doing so as well. From where Janus stood, Remus’s expression was definitely not visible to Patton.

Roman flashed an almost genuine smile back at Patton.

“Hey Remus, it’s been a hot minute.” 

Remus clung tighter to Patton.

“Uh yeah. I’m-” Remus shook his head slightly, a tentative smirk forming on his face. The expression was strangely familiar in a way that Janus couldn’t exactly place, but Janus was too busy gazing between the two twins to place it. “I _am_ hot, thank you for finally noticing.”

Roman outright snorted with stifled laughter, which made Janus do a double take between them. Again Patton only smiled, looking between the two with a small oblivious smile.

This was… odd, but… good? 

He… wanted Remus's side of all this. Roman had been vague about his side, but maybe finally talking one on one with Remus could help Janus understand exactly what was going on between the two.

Janus stiffened, a smile of his own spreading on his face as Dr. Kagan’s words came back to him. 

“Hey, uh, Remus, do you… want to come with me to get food from the cafeteria? I know you must be hungry, I think all of us are, and it’ll wake you up a bit.”

Janus caught Roman’s confused stare in his peripheral as he spoke, but he didn’t let that stop him.

Patton immediately stiffened at Janus’s proposition, still holding onto Thomas’s hand.

“Wait no, let me. Remus collapsed the last time he walked around the hospital.”

Janus smirked. He knew something Patton hadn’t yet realized.

“Well where are your crutches Patton?”

Patton opened his mouth beginning to gesture towards the empty wall nearest to him, but stopped halfway through his eyes widening before looking back up at Janus.

“They’re… still with Ava…”

Janus nodded. He gave Roman a purposeful look and flickered his glance to Patton before turning away and helping Remus to his feet. Remus didn’t protest when Janus helped him up, but tilted his head as he rose up. When he met Roman’s eyes again, Roman frowned but glanced at the door and rolled his eyes.

Roman didn’t completely approve, but he wouldn’t stop Janus from doing what he was doing.

“What about Roman? He can go with you instead!”

Janus glanced over at Roman for a brief moment, but Roman didn’t protest, so he quickly looked back to Patton, shaking his head.

“Neither of us have seen you since we left, so I know Roman might want to catch up with you. Right Roman?”

Both of them looked over at Roman at Janus’s cue. Roman just gestured and nodded.

“Remus can take care of himself. After all, he’s a _big boy_ now.”

Remus paused for a moment, eyes searching Roman’s before he replied.

“It’s okay Patton, I uh- I can help Janny boy here get break-brunch for all of us. Don’t worry about me.”

Patton frowned, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as his shoulders slumped.

“Okay, just don’t tire yourself out, alright?” 

Remus gave Patton a weak thumbs up, glancing over at Janus in confusion. Janus let the moment linger for a few long moments before he clapped his hands together, cringing at the sound of his own clap. But he still smiled slightly at Remus as he prepared to lead Remus out of the room.

“Alright. I’ve got my wallet, so no worries, Remus, about trying to find yours. Do you want to hold onto me first or do you think you want to walk independently?”

Remus licked his lips absentmindedly, his eyes gazing at the wall instead of Janus..

“Um… I’m pretty sure I can walk on my own.”

Searching Remus’s downturned expression Janus’s smile dipped a little, but Janus still didn’t falter.

“Ok, then lead the way. You know this place better than I do. So have at it.”

Remus stood still long enough for Patton to turn back to the two of them with a slight frown, but did take the first step forward.

Remus waved at Patton, as did Janus. Gaze catching on Roman before he left, Remus’s hand dropped.

Janus smiled at Patton’s vaguely confused expression before sparing one last meaningful glance at Roman and slipping out of the hospital room after Remus.

He and Remus had some _things_ to talk about on their way to the cafeteria.

That was for sure.


	8. Two Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Remus have two very similar, but very different conversations. One might be more... eye-opening than the other. But both of them has something they have to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unofficial Title of this Chapter: Two Conversations plus one that really needs to happen soon

Tapping his fingers restlessly on his knee, Roman’s breathlessness abated as Remus and Janus disappeared around the doorframe. A pressure suddenly lifted from his lungs as Roman was sure Remus was finally out of the picture for a while. 

A sigh naturally escaped from his lips. Roman hoped it sounded more tired or long-suffering than relieved. Patton shouldn’t have to worry about Roman or anyone else right now. 

Patton’s love, if barely a day old love, was obvious the moment anyone would look at him. 

First things first was Patton’s face, the obvious place to go to at first. The small yet sad smile on Patton’s face as well as the soft but bright look in his eyes as he seemed to stare at Thomas’s face for hours. Patton was obviously hoping for Thomas’s swift recovery, but Roman thought back on Dr. Kagan’s words. Thomas likely wouldn’t wake up for a while.

Even still, at least for Patton’s sake, Roman was glad Thomas was okay.

Roman’s eyes traced Patton's face to his arm and then down to his hand, where Patton’s hand gently rested on the bed, lightly gripping Thomas’s tiny hand. The grip was protective but gentle. Like a dad who was holding his newborn baby for the first time or the love between anyone committed to living the rest of their lives with someone, romantically or otherwise all in one handhold. 

Unconditional love. A love that asked for nothing, but gave everything it had no matter what.

_ That’s Patton alright, he’ll do anything for you, but Lisa Minnelli help you if you try to do anything for him. Tomatoes? They’ve got nothing on a Patton who’s just been told you did something for him.  _

It was because of Patton’s obvious love for Thomas that Roman missed that Patton was actually speaking to him.

“-oman!” Patton's voice finally cut through Roman’s thoughts.

Jumping slightly as he had been caught off guard, Roman glanced back up to Patton. Expecting what he found when he looked up, Patton was tilting his head and had his lips pursed slightly. The muscles in his face were tense, especially in Patton’s forehead, wrinkles forming as his brow dipped down towards his eyes.

Roman wrung his hands a little, because how long had Patton been calling him? He cleared his throat.

“Uh, yeah Pat? I- uh didn’t catch what you said. Did-  _ did _ you say something?” Roman managed to smile a little, but it was definitely mostly fake. Patton frowned but didn’t comment on it. Instead, he shifted himself to face Roman more. His gaze was softer after that, though.

“I haven’t said much of anything yet. I was mostly just trying to get your attention.” 

Shoulders drawing up as he averted eye contact, Roman’s voice grew moderately quieter.

“Sorry, I uh… got distracted.”

Patton shifted yet again on the edges of Roman’s vision and Roman nearly startled when Patton’s fingers brushed his knee.

“Hey, you don’t have to apologize. We all get distracted sometimes, it’s no biggie.”

His shoulders beginning to relax nearly as quickly as they tensed, Roman looked up only to get slapped in the face with the look in Patton’s eyes that thirty seconds ago had been reserved just for Thomas. Unconditional love, a kind of love with enough patience to rival a stone’s. A stone could wait centuries to only shift an inch.

“Okay... What- uh... What were you going to ask me?” Roman prompted, turning the focus back on what Patton was wanting to ask Roman about. Certainly it was not to direct away from the heat on Roman’s cheeks.  _ Certainly not _ .

Patton blinked slowly, a frown dipping onto his face before Patton’s brow shot up.

“Oh yeah! I guess I got distracted as well. I- I wanted to ask you because I never got the chance before Remus came. Why were you and Janus able to come home so early? Did- did you-”

Roman put his hand gently up to stop Patton’s eyes from progressively gathering more and more moisture as obvious tears began to threaten falling from Patton’s eyes.

“Hey. Everything went  _ fine. _ We were just able to get away earlier and got an earlier flight as well. I’m confident in Janus’s abilities and his performance for this time, like every time. What kind of friend/employee would I be if I wasn’t confident in Janus’s abilities?”

Patton’s hand skirted across Roman’s knee again.

“Still a great one, Roman. I- It’s not that I’m not confident in Janus’s abilities, but that  _ they  _ don’t see that and pass him over for a role… I’m s-” Patton suddenly slammed his mouth shut, glancing away from Roman as his shoulders dipped down. 

Roman smirked, crossing his arms as he let the smug expression flood across his face.

“You were about to apologize, weren’t you? Now, what did you say about that? I  _ wonder _ .”

Tone lightening considerably, Roman’s smirk grew when Patton’s face bloomed into a smile much less smug than Roman’s at the obvious teasing.

“Oh shut up, _ you _ .” Patton’s expression went rosy as he rolled his eyes at Roman, but something made Patton’s expression suddenly drop as fast it became rosy.

Roman leaned towards Patton as he tilted his head as Patton had a minute before. His elbows rested on his legs to balance himself.

“Patton?” It was apparently Roman’s turn to try to get Patton’s attention as Patton stared at a random spot on the hospital bed. Roman’s heart sped up in his chest as Patton didn’t respond at first.

_ This is probably what Patton felt like when I was distracted by him and Thomas. I don’t like this feeling. _

However, unlike with Roman, Patton snapped out of it of his own accord. Without a sound at first, Patton turned back to Roman, abruptly beginning to fidget and fumble with the edge of his own sleeve with his free hand leaving Roman’s knee.

“Patton? You okay? You look upset…”

Fumbling stopping for a moment, Patton met Roman’s eyes, strangely frantic.

“What were you saying when you got here… I- you said something about thinking I was… something. What did you think I was?”

Roman sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck

”Um well you see… Why-”

-

“-did you bring me out here?” Remus whispered to Janus as he waited for Janus to catch up with him in the hall after going first out the door.

Letting the silence drag on, Janus didn’t respond at first, not stopping when Remus joined up right beside him. It didn’t click why until Remus caught a Janus glancing back at the door.  _ That _ was the reason, Janus didn’t want Rom-  _ them _ to hear. 

Taking a few more steps, Janus finally cleared his throat.

“Well, we are legitimately getting food. I wasn’t lying about that.” 

Remus frowned. “I didn’t think you were, but I can tell walking with me isn’t just for the sake of walking with me. There’s a reason beyond that, I can tell.” 

Janus’s footsteps stuttered a moment before slowing gently to a stop. Now obviously glancing back at the door, Janus’s body tensed and relaxed in waves, his muscles pumping in a strange almost heart looking way as Janus nearly backed up into the wall. His hand approached his ears slowly, but Remus couldn’t hear anything loud. Remus’s stomach dropped.

_ Is he hearing something? I don’t know what to do, um… grab his shoulder. Yeah.. that’ll work. _

Luckily, whatever spiral Janus had been stuck in ended the moment Remus gripped Janus’s shoulder.

As Janus looked up, Janus’s eyes were wide, but quickly went back to normal as Janus eyes lit up in recognition of Remus, like Remus hadn’t already been there the whole time.

“Oh, yes, uh. It’s not just about the food…” Janus pushed himself away from the wall with a slight head shake, glancing around at his surroundings as if he was seeing them for the first time. “I wanted to talk about you and your brother.”

Suddenly rooted to the spot, Remus' knees went weak, but not from exhaustion. Oh no, it was like everything was suddenly happening at once and Remus’s voice suddenly never existed. 

A list of places to hide popped into his head as his mind was demanding him to run, but his body wasn’t cooperating with him. All he managed to do instead was walk straight into Janus in one step.

“Woah, Remus. I’m right in front of you, no need to get closer.”

_ That’s not what-  _ Remus cut himself off as his mind finally caught up to what his body was doing. He shoved himself back hard but was stopped almost immediately by Janus’s steady hands.

“Remus, hey, I’m not trying to pull one over on you or anything. Honestly, I'm going behind Roman’s back to even do this because he hasn’t ever actually told me what actually happened between you two.”

Remus’s mind automatically quieted at that news.

“Wait… you don’t? I thought...”

Staring at the ground intently, Remus ran his hand through his hair, 

_ How-? Janus is Roman’s partner, of all the people it should be Janus he tells… though… Patton doesn’t know either, so…  _

“You thought I knew why Roman hates you? ...No, I don’t, but that’s fair, I thought you knew that I didn’t know what is between you either. We both made some broad assumptions, so we’ll just call this even and move on I guess.”

Remus met Janus face to face at that. A sudden lump in Remus’s throat made it hard to swallow, but eventually Remus gulped down the saliva that had been pooling his mouth while he was frozen.

“So, uh, my brother? He- we are, of course, brothers and twins. When we were young we had our own language and had our own little world with our own social rules that dominated both our childhoods. We were inseparable, but that didn’t stop us from fighting… a lot. It was never too bad, but it was never completely good either. I got him into trouble sometimes because we’re twins and they mistook him for me. But then… I drew a mustache on my lips every day and that stopped being a problem unless someone didn’t know about the difference or when I still wanted to be a little shit and cause some chaos to try to see if I could get Roman in trouble.”

Remus blinked, his tangent cut off as his face drifted into a dreamy smile as he looked back on his childhood. He immediately dropped his smile, straightening up again.

“That is to say we were very close before everything happened.”

Janus frowned, eyes skating up and down Remus for a long moment which made Remus want to squirm under the scrutiny. It brought thoughts of his own that he would rather not think about Janus with him not even three or four feet in front of him.

“Okay, then. Why-”

-

“-did I ask something about that? That’s a very good question.” Roman’s voice dropped to a mutter as Patton’s stare seemed to pin him down, making Roman fidget in his chair, tapping like he had been as Remus left the room.

When Roman doesn’t continue, Patton fills the silence instead.

“And? I’m… starting to worry about this… You’re so hesitant to talk about anything. Maybe, I shouldn’t ask you to talk it, you don’t have to-” Patton started to turn away from Roman back to Thomas, but Roman grabbed Patton’s free hand, pausing his hand where it had been still fiddling with Patton’s sweater. 

Patton turned back around to Roman, a small exhalation of air leaking from Patton’s lips.

“Patton. I want to, I’m just… worried about how you might react, but… you have to know. I promise it’s not as bad as any of the worst-case scenarios you can come up with.”

Roman paused, searching Patton’s face, yet avoiding direct eye contact with him.

Deciding he could stall no longer, Roman inhaling and exhaling out again slowly before he began to explain.

”Well, we came back to the house and I tried to surprise you with a grand entrance, went all out with it with the voice too, but you weren’t there of course,” Patton rolled his eyes fondly, a smirk on his face at the dramatics despite not even having experienced it in person. “So we looked around the living room a bit and talked for a little bit.”

A pang in Roman’s gut erupted as he failed to mention that it was less  _ talking _ and more  _ arguing _ or more accurately a tense silence instead. Patton shouldn’t have to learn about that part of the conversation, so Roman just… didn’t mention it. 

Wiping his brow with the back of his wrist, Roman gazed down at the ground for a moment, pausing before he continued his retelling.

“At a point in the convo, Janus noticed that the kitchen light was on and-”

Eyes going wide, Patton stiffened a little, his grip on Roman’s hand tightening. His voice was higher pitched than normal when he exclaimed.

“It was? Dog it! I never meant to do that, I don’t want you guys to pay more than you have to on the electric.”

Roman smiled, squeezing Patton’s hand gently back. His own shoulders relaxed as Patton’s posture began to slowly relax, Roman’s voice taking on a soothing quality.

“You didn’t mean to, Patton. That’s all that matters. Plus, leaving one simple light on without being needed for half a day is nothing compared to the TV or other lights we have on on a regular basis. I know you care about that a lot, but I won’t be angry with you over one or two missed lights.”

Breathing out slowly through his nose, Patton closed his eyes. Slowly, he offered Roman a small but growing smile even with his eyes still closed. When Patton opened his again, they were steady and clear. It lightened the grip that had come around Roman’s heart when Patton had first asked about what they had been so concerned about.

“I know. It’s… hard sometimes. I don’t nearly contribute to payments as much as I want and I want to be able to pay my share instead of making you both pay more.” 

“Patton.”

Roman gave his voice the weight it needed but still held back. Having curled up a little, knees drawing up into the seat of the hospital chair, Patton looked up.

“We don’t care about the money.  _ Please _ don’t feel obligated to work yourself too hard because you can pay your ‘ _ fair share _ ,’” Roman put up air quotes, putting a fair amount of emphasis on the words. “We are happy with whatever you are able to contribute  _ now _ . Please don’t worry about that.”

Patton nodded, though it was much less genuine looking as he avoided Roman’s eye contact and gave a weak laugh.

“Okay…”

Roman didn’t continue for a long moment staring at Patton and his (once again) slowly tensing posture, but something in him instructed him to leave the topic alone, if just for a moment. He kept his voice soft at first once he continued, slowly growing back to a normal tone as he went on.

“Alright. So… we- well,  _ he _ noticed that and turned it off. We knew you’d never want to leave a light on like that, so we got worried that  _ something  _ had happened to you. At first, we thought you were sick, so we went to your room. We thought you were still asleep, so we didn’t barge in. But when we saw that your bed was empty, we immediately went into investigation mode searching the whole house for you.” Roman shook his head as Patton cringed, forging on to lessen the time Patton would have to hear about this. “So we each searched parts of the house, Janus found a drawer ajar in the study and-”

Patton flinched, his fingers twitching around Thomas’s hand.. 

“Oh. I got an ice scraper from there because it was snowing and everything and that was the only way to see.”

Roman began to nod but froze when what was next was something that might upset Patton. Letting out a nervous laugh, Roman subtly wrung his hands as he glanced away from Patton.

_ How could I even put this lightly? _

“That’s smart, Pat,” Roman let his shoulders relax just a little bit again when Patton beamed at the praise. ”Going back to what happened, um… we thought you had been taken or kidnapped because the drawer had within it long and semi heavy things in there and we thought that was proof that you grabbed something to defend yourself with. We called you in case you weren’t actually taken, but you didn’t pick up…”

Patton’s free hand went down to his pocket immediately, resting on the obvious outline of his phone in his pocket. Giving a strange look that Roman couldn’t decipher at him, Patton pulled out his phone with one hand and fiddled with it for a moment before pausing. 

“What are you…” Roman asked.

Tapping the screen, Patton held up his phone as Roman’s voice suddenly came through the speakers.

The words Roman remembered uttering flooded into his ears.

_ “Hey Patton, I- We don’t know where you are right now, just know that you’re going to be okay. We're going to find you, I promise. I love… you...Patton.” _

Patton’s hand nearly dropped the phone when it began to tremble. Without a second thought, Roman grabbed Patton’s hand between the two of his and held tight. 

However, instead of being sad, Patton looked up with a smile on his face.It was certainly not a full one, but it was much more genuine than the half-smiles either of them had been barely committing to. Roman’s mouth almost fell open on the spot.

“Thank you, Roman. You’re so thoughtful.”

Roman sat there on the verge of his jaw-dropping straight to the floor before he straightened up again, coughing awkwardly away from Patton. His cheeks were heating up way too fast and he wanted them to  _ stop _ . Even as his cheeks still were blazing fires, Roman was turning back to Patton again almost immediately.

“Um... To finish off, I did that and then we found the blood from Thomas on the couch blankets and the vase in the trash, saw Remus’s car and connected the dots, and then came here. You know the rest.”

Patton pursed his lips, face drawing together until his face cleared. His eyes opened wide as he softly gasped.

“Oh yeah, I did break the vase… Remus… must have cleaned that up while I was attempting to find my keys and wallet.”

Roman blinked. 

_ Remus? _

“Remus cleaned the vase? I thought that must have been you?”

The corners of Patton’s mouth dipped a little as Patton shook his head resolutely.

“No, I would remember something like that. I’m-” Patton stuttered, his mouth faltering. “I’m sor- I… didn’t mean to make you fear for my safety so much.”

Roman shook his head.

“It’s fine. Emotions were running high for you and you had a child to worry about. I can see how you might not have had ‘contacting your partners about what had happened when they were supposed to still be coming back’ high on your priorities then. Even if you had told us anything, it would’ve likely had the same effect on how you feel right now with how you didn’t want us to worry after the fact. Your emotions are valid, but please don’t feel obligated to do anything for me and Janus, alright? We love you.”

Patton was silent for a long couple of moments before his mouth opened and his free hand suddenly shot out. 

“Thank you.”

Slamming into Roman’s shoulder with quite a bit of force, Patton’s hand came down forcefully enough that Roman might have had his knees buckle under him at the very least if he were standing.

-

Janus’s hand was heavy and firm on Remus’s shoulder. Having brought his hand down fairly heavily on Remus’s shoulder, it definitely caught Remus’s attention. It was heavy enough that Remus couldn’t ignore it being there, but it was just enough to not be unbearable.

“I- I still don’t understand. Roman is never this harsh, this… sharp, this…  _ glare-y _ , unless he’s really serious. He’s told me not to bring you up and I thoughtlessly did this morning and we nearly got in a fight over it. I can’t imagine… I want to believe what Roman implies with all of his harshness towards you, that you did something bad or insulted or something.”

Remus bit lip as he cringed, turning his back to Janus to try to quickly hide the actual genuine emotion that statement elicited in Remus’s heart. And it wasn’t a nice emotion, it was a twisting pain in Remus’s heart that made Remus want to scream.

He had no idea who he wanted to scream at, Janus? Roman? Everyone in particular who looked down upon him or hated him because of who he was or what he did in the past? Honestly, did it really matter who he was going to scream at? 

Other than Patton. Out of everyone, Patton was the only one Remus may never say a bad word about, much less scream wordlessly at him in frustration of nothing in particular. 

_Janus_ _is actually being nice to me for a change, do I really want to scream at_ ** _him?_** _It’s not my fault Roman only expressed his vague dislike for me and not my side. I can’t blame him for preferring his actual boyfriend over me._

“Remus? Are you okay? Do you need to go back to Thom-  _ his _ hospital room?”

_ Oh, yeah.  _

Remus was staring down at the intersection of the hospital wall and the floor.

_ I should probably turn back to Janus. Now that I am not about to scream in his face _ , _ it’s only fair to face him again. _

Only fair.

Plastering a hopefully believable grin that was nowhere near the caliber of his usual borderline insane looking grin, though it did fit exactly how tired he was, Remus met Janus’s eyes, no longer facing the wall away from him.

“Nah, I’m fine, Short and Snaky, just still trying to wake up a little. I wouldn’t have come if I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it.” 

Janus didn’t even try to appear like he believed Remus, crossing his arms and angling a questioning brow to him in a very obvious way of saying:  _ Oh really? _ With all the sarcasm that Janus had in him, which was probably a lot.

Without Janus even having to speak, Remus was dropping once again, letting everything visibly hang on him. It was like 10-pound weights were added to most of his body at once. Looking away once again, Remus focused back down on the ground purposefully this time.

“Okay… okay. That… did sting a bit, the comment about me being less believable or whatever, but that’s par for the course. You’re not the first to think that either. Roman’s always been the ‘golden child’ and I haven’t. I’m used to it though. It’s fine.”

Remus didn’t wait for the agreement that was surely going to come from Janus. Starting to walk away, he merely expedited the process of getting on with getting to the cafeteria by leading them down the hall again. He had held both of them up enough.

But a hand on his arm stopped Remus in his tracks, his eyes widened and he stiffened as he turned back to Janus to get whatever scorn he was bound to get. More of the usual? He was used to that from anyone who didn’t know him that well.

Except, that in his surprise he glanced up at Janus’s face and it was… not that at all. If anything, it was incredibly gentle, the opposite of scornful.

“Remus, that’s not fine… You aren’t supposed to feel that way, or… no one should’ve made you  _ feel _ that that is the case at all. Even if your parents were obvious in who they liked more or whatever, that’s no excuse to talk down to you about something you could never change or that whoever you are wasn’t something worth valuing!”

Remus blinked, a lot. His blinking was almost like a strobe light, his eyes spending as much time closed as open.

“Uh....” Remus offered, at a very rare loss for words.

Thankfully, Janus continued on for him, a light squeeze on Remus’s shoulder accompanying him.

“You shouldn’t have to think that. You don’t seem too… non-goldeny to me. They probably said things because they just don’t understand you, and you probably did things back then because you didn't understand them. Unless there’s something I’m missing, I don’t think either of you tried to understand each other, Roman included.”

Shaking his head Janus squeezed Remus’s shoulder again, the grip finally not feeling harsh or condemning despite its utmost gentleness. Still shaking his head, Janus leaned back, removing his hand from Remus’s shoulder.

“You… don’t have to talk about what happened between you two at all if you don’t want to. Just know you aren’t bad or whatever self-deprecating words are bouncing around in your cranium up there.” Remus flinched, closing one of his eyes when Janus brought his fist up. However, Janus simply rapped his knuckles on Remus’s head. “You can never be ‘bad’ if you're always trying to be better. Just because you fail doesn’t mean you didn’t try.”

Smiling slightly wider for a moment, Janus lingered his fist on Remus’s head before pulling his hand down and just waited.

It took a long moment of staring blankly back at Janus before it hit Remus that Janus was simply… waiting.

Straightening up with an awkward cough, Remus brushed out the wrinkles that had formed in his nurse’s uniform. He paused for a moment at the fact that he still had it on, though the fact that he hadn’t remembered taking it off would serve to prove that it would still be what he was wearing. 

_ Why does it suddenly feel weird to have this on? I’m still here at the hospital, so why does this suddenly feel out of place? Maybe it’s just… everything. My brain doesn’t know what to feel anymore, so everything just feels off. _

Clearing his throat conspicuously once more, Remus stepped over to the wall. He placed his back on it, trying to alleviate the sense of wrong coursing through him as he prepared to talk about his brother after not daring to for… Remus couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken about it other than his own partners. Remus just wanted someone to talk to again, to stop this hiding... 

The moment his back did hit the wall, most of the sensation of wrongness melted away, only leaving the tension of admitting to someone who was quite nearly a stranger one of his most vulnerable secrets or conflict. 

Janus stepped towards him abruptly, but the move was obviously more of a following step as Remus had moved away from where he was than an advancing step judging by how Janus was remaining the same distance away as before.

Measuring his breathing, Remus took a moment to clear his mind the best he could. To let himself think about everything clearly without inward distractions no matter how much it hurt to think about. Sure, all of the daily thoughts that ran through his mind were still there, churning and writhing in the back of his mind, but they were slowly drowned out by all the memories pertaining to him and his brother.

The memories were sharp and pointy, like knives or needles, poking Remus painfully if he tried to squirm an inch in thought. Scenes of the hurt and anger and just… bad feelings replayed in his mind as he faced them head-on for the first time since they had been created.

Once Remus was ready, he opened his eyes, not knowing when he closed them, and began.

“The truth is…” Remus ignored the sudden impulse to finish the phrase with ‘I am Iron Man’ like at the end of the first Iron Man movie, this was a serious moment. 

“I… don’t know why Roman hates me.”

Waiting for Janus’s reaction, Remus glanced up to find an expression on Janus’s face that he didn’t expect.

“What?”

-

“-can’t you make mistakes?” Gripping Patton’s hand on his shoulder, Roman squeezed Patton’s hand in what he hoped was a comforting way. 

When Patton didn’t immediately respond, Roman’s face softened, his forehead smoothing out a little. Something about Patton’s expression, his mouth pressed carefully into a thin line and the slight avoidance for eye contact namely, told him that Patton didn’t think he could make mistakes.

“Oh habibi, darling, please don’t fret. You’re human, I’m human. I can make mistakes, right?”

Roman gripped Patton’s hand tighter, pulling it from his shoulder and cradling it into his chest as if he were carrying his most prized possession. His eyes were about to pop out of their sockets, if he opened them any wider.

_ Just being in the room with Remus has him rubbing off on me… I… no… I can’t think about him right now. Patton’s the priority. _

Keeping his head bowed for another moment, Patton finally looked up, eyes just as wide as Roman’s if not even wider. Painfully conflicted, Roman’s heart nearly combusted at the sight of the conflict in Patton’s eyes. As if the fact that he could make mistakes was something that was hard to grasp for Patton.

_ How are you, so perfect and beautiful in all you do, doubtful of your own abilities? If I was half the man you were... _

Patton squeaked, the notes slightly strangled, and suddenly slammed his face into Roman’s chest. 

“Uh- Um… You okay there, Pat?” Roman stammered, his cheeks tinging the lightest shade pink at the sudden initiate gesture.

Patton muttered something into Roman’s chest that didn’t quite reach Roman’s ears. Eyes trailing down from how Patton’s hand was still intertwined with Thomas’s somehow, Roman frowned down at Patton.

“What… what’d you say there Pat?”

Patton pulled back from Roman’s chest just enough to be decipherable, his face still not visible for Roman. Though he could swear he saw a blush coloring Patton’s cheeks, what could be the cause of that?

“I asked you if you really thought that, the… perfect and beautiful stuff? I… don’t deserve…”

Roman’s body stiffened. Pulling himself away from Roman as he himself stiffened, Patton snatched his hand away like Roman was a hot stove.

“Oh…Oops I… said that out loud? Oh.” Roman sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck before his mind latched onto what Patton had said at the end. His eyes narrowed. “Wait, were you about to say you didn’t deserve that praise? I’ll have you know that you deserve all of the praise that I can give to you and more. You’re usually the one that gets on us about self-deprecation. It’s time to listen to your own advice, Pat.”

Gaping his mouth open like a fish, Patton looked about ready to protest before he closed his mouth suddenly.

“I… feel bad about being a hypocrite, but… yeah… I should listen to myself a bit more.” Patton offered a small smile once again.

Tutting, Roman cupped Patton’s chin, watching as Patton’s eyes drooped. 

“What am I going to do with you, dapdoub? My little teddy bear?”

Leaning into Roman’s gentle caress, Patton’s eyes closed for a moment before almost immediately snapping open again. Under him, Roman’s chair shifted a little and Roman had to look down at what the disturbance was. Patton was lightly tugging at the chair with a suspiciously innocent expression on his face, doe-eyed and unassuming.

“How about cuddles? Because that’s what you do with your  _ Dad _ doub, cuddle them?” Roman caught a ghost of a smirk flashing across Patton’s face, but plausible deniability served that it  _ could _ have just been Roman’s imagination.

Roman rolled his eyes but didn’t comment on that or the pun.

“ _ Fine _ . But it’s because I  _ wanted _ to, anyway.”

Roman was too busy scooting his chair forwards to look, but when he spoke, Patton’s voice was very, very smirky sounding.

“Alright, Roman.”

When Roman was finally in range, he opened his arms and let Patton guide him onto his chest, but something struck him.

“Wait, a teddy bear’s not supposed to be Big Spoon or… whatever it’s called. You’re supposed to…” Roman was stopped mid-sentence by a playful finger to his lips.

“Shh, it doesn’t matter because cuddles.”

“I-”

“Cuddles.”

Roman huffed, but didn’t protest as he let himself be pressed gently against Patton’s taller and slightly broader chest. 

_ If Patton cuddled up against me, he would be much more uncomfortable having to bend down… So this is fine… _

They stayed like that in silence, Roman beginning to want to trace his eyes down Patton’s arm again to find if Patton was still holding Thomas’s hand.

That was until one simple but sudden sound had both of them startled.

_ Bee- _

_ - _

_ -eep! _

Both Remus and Janus jumped as a loud beeping came from the vicinity of Janus. The moment of confusion was momentarily broken as Janus plunged his hand into the noticeable sagging pocket of his pants. Remus looked silently on as the sound was now revealing to be Janus’s phone. After a moment of fiddling with his phone, brow furrowing in concentration, the beeping stopped and Janus refocused on Remus with a slightly pained expression. Biting his lip, Janus quickly slipped his phone back into his pocket.

“Sorry, that was the alarm I set so that we didn’t waste too much time talking and not getting back. I don’t want them suspecting anything.” Janus gestured ahead of them, moving his arm back and forth more and more rapidly as Remus still hadn’t moved at first. “Come on, let’s walk and talk. I’m honestly getting hungry despite everything that’s happened.”

Janus’s stomach growled right then, eliciting a kind of barking laugh from Remus at the perfect timing of it, finally moving Remus forward as his mind quickly caught up with what was happening.

“Me too, Jan, me too,” Remus repeated as he passed Janus. 

Immediately stepping off with Remus, Janus kept pace with Remus. It took a few moments for Janus to finally speak again, continuing where he let off.

“What the fuck?” 

Remus nearly stumbled as Janus’s voice abruptly exclaimed nearly straight into his ear. His hand came up instinctively to cup his ears.

“Huh?”

“What do you mean, huh? Not to be an asshole or whatever, but how- How do you not know why your twin hates you?”

Remus blinks, he blinks until the moisture in his eyes starts to cloud his vision. Gripping his nurse’s uniform, the uniform that was wrong. Wrong. Wrong!  _ Wrong! _

Remus gulped.

_ Is that stomach acid or am I just really that stupid that I’m actually crying over this? Figures. Same old me that never changes and is still that stupid old… monster. _

“Because I just don’t!” Remus nearly shouted, catching a few looks from strangers walking past. But he didn’t care, he  _ couldn’t _ care, he  _ shouldn _ ’t. 

Twisting his outfit in his hands, a wave of emotions carried him as his mouth moved without him putting much thought into his words.

“I don’t know  _ what _ I did or  _ what _ he  _ thinks _ I did, but he hasn’t ever given me a chance to  _ explain! _ The last time I tried to talk to him about it, he threw his complete collection of Shakespeare’s plays at me. I still have a scar from it. Ever since then, it’s been tense and we’ve ignored the problem when we’re forced to interact. I can see that he’s hurt and I’ve wanted to help, but the motherfucker won’t ever just talk! Still think the best I can of the guy and he just-”

Cut off, Remus’s voice caught in his throat at the same moment Janus placed a gentle hand on his chest, stopping him in his tracks, audibly and physically. 

Wishing the blurriness in his eyes would go away, Remus clenched his outfit harder, not keeping eye contact with Janus, who was desperately trying to meet his eyes.

_ God, the one guy who usually can’t look me in the eye usually is the one desperately trying to! Such a fuck up, he shouldn’t have to do that! You’re forcing him to do that. _

Pulled apart by two conflicting impulses, Remus was frozen until a grip on his chin forced his head up near painfully. Meeting Janus’s startling heterochromic eyes, Remus squirmed immediately to try and get away

“Remus, breathe. You’re almost hyperventilating.”

Oh… that was why Remus was nearly bouncing up and down. His gasps of air that weren’t nearly enough had nearly taken over his whole body. 

With Janus’s hands guiding him, he distantly sat down, or he must have at some point in his oxygen-deprived haze, as he was suddenly sitting with his back pressed against the wall. A hand that could only be Janus rubbing small circles on his arm and as far back on his back as it could reach.

That touch was what finally snapped Remus back, the steady feeling of right, right, _ rightness _ , slowly leaking back into his bones instead. Like a broken record, Remus looked up slowly into Janus’s eyes, ready for scorn once again because he was actually crying and panicking for no reason. But instead, Janus’s eyes were only filled with obvious concern, forehead wrinkled but as soft as it could be drawn together.

Choking back the bile and saliva and maybe snot that accumulated in his emotional fugue, Remus’s body shuddered in a sob as he tried to speak. His throat was still closed off, even when he had already removed the physical barrier for him to do so.

“Don’t worry, you don’t need to speak right now. Is it okay if I leave you here to go get the food for everyone? I can-” Remus surged forward abruptly, cutting off Janus as he held tight to Janus’s sleeve. He was still unable to say anything, but Remus opened his eyes wide in what he hoped was the same kind of way we had experienced Patton’s own puppy dog-like eyes.

It seemed to work, Janus huffing before swatting at Remus’s grip on his sleeve.

“Alright, alright, we’ll go together. Just don’t think this is over, your eyes will give you away. Do… you want Roman’s glasses? I swiped them from him when he wasn’t looking.” Janus said as he dug around in his other pocket and produced a pair of black sunglasses that were almost comically large. Remus stared at them, half of him in disbelief and the other half wanting to laugh at the absurdity of them. But… they would work.

Remus nodded minutely, carefully taking the sunglasses before shoving them onto his face and trying to push himself to his feet. Unfortunately, his body apparently was revolting as his attempts only resulted in the resounding thud of his head on the wall.

Blinking, Remus groaned but obliged the grip that he had to search a moment for in his suddenly dim surroundings.

_ Wow, these glasses are pretty strong,  _ was what Remus wanted to say, but his voice was still betraying him, but by how he stretched his hands out, Janus still responded.

“Oh… yeah, those are pretty strong. They  _ are _ technically mine, but Roman usually wears them when I don’t need them. He says it helps his  _ look _ , which is mostly bullshit.” Remus full-on snorted, trying to hide it behind the thin excuse of a cough. Smirking, Janus offered his hand for Remus to grab and yanked Remus up, linking their arms once Remus was situated upright. “Yeah, I know, but he loves it and I love- I love him, so I tolerate the borderline  _ thievery. _ ”

His free hand flying to his face, Remus stifled another snort that definitely wasn’t a cough at Janus’s joke.

Wishing that his voice had worked, Remus let Janus lead him into the more bustling cafeteria, leaving the more secluded alcove near the cafeteria. Because if his voice had been working, Remus would’ve been absolutely howling in laughter.

Instead, Remus supplied a firm squeeze to Janus’s upper arm when he finally pulled his hand away from his mouth. Without looking at Remus, Janus lifted the side of his mouth in a smirk, not doing too much to react as they stepped into the very short line to get what they needed: yummy, yummy food.

“You decide what you want, I’ll see what I know everyone else would like.” Remus nodded as Janus unlinked their elbows, placing his hand on his chin thoughtfully as he began to analyze the menu. However, a flicker of a glance from Janus made clear Janus wasn’t completely disregarding Remus, after all, he had just had… a panic attack? Was that what that was? He hated that feeling. Now he got why Virgil was so distraught during and after the experience.

_ Oh yeah, they’ll be back soon, I’ll text them later… I don’t think I even have my phone right now. _

Remus patted his pockets, eventually outlining the vague shape of his phone indeed in his pocket, separate from everything else he needed in case of emergencies, most of which he had at the very least considered using on Thomas when he came in. He was grateful that he had already put on his scrubs before Patton called or he would’ve had to change rapidly into them or just deal with not having the materials he could easily get with scrubs on. 

Finally gazing up at the menu, it took a few moments for Remus to tip Janus’s sunglasses down because there was  _ no _ way he was going to read the menu with them on. 

It was a quick look over before Remus had in his mind exactly what he wanted, really there was no question. Janus wasn’t done by that point, though, and he waited patiently, pushing his sunglasses back over his likely red-rimmed eyes. 

_ Good thing they have brunch, cause those actual chocolate chip pancakes look good. I hope they aren’t like the trash version of pancakes that we had at school. _

As Remus waited, his stomach growled, the first indication since this whole ordeal started that he was actually hungry. Listening to his stomach for the first time in nearly a day, he began to fantasize about how the food would taste, how the sensation would feel. He usually liked eating new foods, which he was quickly running out of because there were only so many different foods until there weren’t any more, but right now he just wanted something familiar after all of…  _ that _ .

_ That’s not something you see every day, me wanting something traditional. Who is this man? _

Remus smirked before a grip on his arm signaled Janus was done.

“What do you want, Remus? Have you decided yet?” Remus nodded, not bothering to actually make eye contact as no one could see his eyes, so why bother when you could just…  _ don’t. _ He pointed to the chocolate chip pancakes and frowned when Janus did a double-take at the menu, frowning himself.

“Huh, that’s what Roman likes too… Though, I guess twins have similar tastes. Ok, hello! I’m gonna get a thing of...” Janus kept talking, but his voice became background noise as Remus stared up at the menu, instinctively following Janus without a word.

Though he couldn’t make out the words properly behind the sunglasses, Remus stared right at where it had been as his thoughts washed over him.

_ Roman… still eats chocolate chip pancakes? Why would he do that? It was… our thing, our twin power fuel. I can’t even eat them without remembering that, why would he still be- _

Remus almost heaved up the non-contents of his stomach without the slightest warning, which cut his thoughts short as if he hadn’t been yearning for food desperately just moments earlier. The movement was small and halted the moment it began, but that was enough for Janus to turn to Remus with a very subtle frown.

“Hold on a moment, I apologize. Remus, are you okay?” Remus nodded his head fervently, not wanting to alarm Janus or make a scene. Janus, however, leveled a simple eyebrow raise at Remus that had him instantly deflating. Waving a hand at Janus, Remus stepped over to the side, right beside the end of the counter.

Frowning even more, Janus lingered in place, fully focused on Remus before he snapped back to the person behind the counter. Remus wasn’t even paying attention to the people behind the counter, they were a ghost of an afterthought. Instead, his eyes were either on Janus or on a random spot in the room that wasn’t a person.

Body numb, Remus stood at the end of the counter as Janus moved closer and closer. Janus interacted with the undetermined person behind the counter before pushing a bag of food into Remus’s chest.

“Come on, let’s get back quick.”

Staring blankly at the bag for a few moments, it took a few moments before Remus wrapped his arm under the bag with one hand and grabbed the loops at the top of the bag that Janus was holding out for him.

Acting first, Janus stepped towards the exit and Remus wasted no time in following.

It wasn’t until the hallway that Janus dared to speak.

“Remus, I know I’ve asked already, but… are you really okay? You paled halfway through that and I was half expecting you to collapse or throw up or something.”

Remus jumped.

_ How does he know my tells so well? We’ve just met- wait… Roman’s my twin, of course we’re going to be a bit similar, so… I guess… _

Remus sighed, running his right hand through his hair. “Later, just… I remembered something I hadn’t thought of in a while. Please don’t push me.”

His hand paused in his hair, though he never stopped walking. Drifting down, Remus ran his finger across his lips over and over. Remus’s voice was back.

“Oh, your voice is back. And don’t worry, I won’t push it. But… What  _ did _ happen? I know you don’t know why, but when was the first time Roman was angry with you?”

“I- um..”

Remus stayed silent for a while once again, but found his voice just as there was a commotion behind them and a doctor that looked vaguely familiar flew past them. They were yelling something as, but everything was hectic enough that neither man caught what was said.

“Don’t turn left. Don’t turn left. Don’t turn left.” Remus muttered after the doctor. 

And of course, the doctor reached the end of the hallways and ran left.

Exchanging only a single glance, both Janus and Remus began to pick up the pace. They were almost full-on running with how fast they were hurrying, the bags in their hands jostling the to-go boxes in them noisily.

“Did you recognize that doctor? I thought… wasn’t it..?”

Remus’s chest tightened painfully as he connected the details he’d noticed of the fleeting doctor. His face definitely paled.

“Dr. Kagan?”

Janus made an indescribable noise from beside Remus. The cacophony of the boxes still backdropped their heavy gasps of air as they ran down the halls back to Thomas’s room.

“Yeah,  _ fuck!” _

Through the twisting and turning hallways, it was only a matter of time before Janus turned off the wrong way.

“Wrong way, Jan. Come on!”

Cursing, Janus turned on his heel and speed-walked back to Remus, barely able to keep up with him now. 

Before they turned the last corner to Thomas’s room, something stopped both of them in their tracks. Remus’s feet glue themselves to the spot and so did Janus.

Patton’s high, ear-piercing wail reverberated down the hallway, breaking both of their hearts in half.


End file.
